The TSD Kids discussion thread (What does fear smell like?)

[TtheHero]

Ok, now that I've had more time to work on editing my stories, I've put up the first 4 or so chapters, fully revised and improved!

Right this way, folks.


Expect more to pop up as I plow through them, and by all means, express any feedback, and ask any questions!  

[TtheHero]

...  

[Nomega]

TtheHero

...

Uh... uh... Cool story, bro.  

[TtheHero]

NintendOmega

TtheHero

...

Uh... uh... Cool story, bro.

I had a feeling you would say that.  

[Nomega]

TtheHero

NintendOmega

TtheHero

...

Uh... uh... Cool story, bro.

I had a feeling you would say that.

But seriously, reading isn't sounding too good right now. Maybe later.  

[Nomega]

Alright I actually read it. Good jorb.

Piranha Pete? Nintendo is gonna sue. xd  

[TtheHero]

NintendOmega

Alright I actually read it. Good jorb.

Piranha Pete? Nintendo is gonna sue. xd

Huh, I never noticed that. xd

But how about in terms of the description of things?

I've been told I must work on immersing the reader in the story.

Thanks for taking the time to look at some of it.  

[Nomega]

TtheHero

NintendOmega

Alright I actually read it. Good jorb.

Piranha Pete? Nintendo is gonna sue. xd

Huh, I never noticed that. xd

But how about in terms of the description of things?

I've been told I must work on immersing the reader in the story.

Thanks for taking the time to look at some of it.

I agree, needs more description. Simply use more adjetives, really.  

[otawara]

Just finished reading the first part. I would have liked to see more detail in the 'scuffle' and more of a conversation between T and the girl.  

[MaverickDrifter]

You should add the moar Cult to the story. Like have T fight a monstar and then he limps to this big glorious tower where he was welcomed with open arms.  

[otawara]

digi734

You should add the moar Cult to the story. Like have T fight a monstar and then he limps to this big glorious tower where he was welcomed with open arms.

D=<
*whacks you over the head*  

[TtheHero]

Some minor fixing to the pilot ep.

It's been expanded upon slightly.

And the next chapter has been added!  

[MaverickDrifter]

otawara

digi734

You should add the moar Cult to the story. Like have T fight a monstar and then he limps to this big glorious tower where he was welcomed with open arms.

D=<
*whacks you over the head*

gonk How about a town? a town that has a load of people but only few of those people go and socialize with each other.  

[TtheHero]

The next chapter, "Tracy and The Left-Behind Look-Alikes", is up now!  

[TtheHero]

The next chapter's up!

"Is it Magic? The Ever-Changing Weather"