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Orochi Warriors (Xbox 360)

I've never played a Warriors game, and after playing this one I don't plan to play another any time soon. The only reason I bought this one is because I was at an expo and had a fiver left to waste. So I went to the cheap video games stall, saw this for a fiver, and bought it.

Was it worth a fiver? Only if you like repeatedly mashing a single button as much as Mario likes to bash his head against floating bricks. There are different stories to go through with different characters who you can level up and add abilities to. You run around a dull environment with half of your dull army mashing the attack button to perform the same dull attack over and over again, occasionally pressing a different button to use a dull special move.

You collect level ups and items as you mash away at hordes of enemies who can't defeat one person repeatedly using the same attack over and over again as you protect your retarded allies from being slaughtered. Oh, and the other half of your army of retards on the other side of the map is getting slaughtered as you're protecting the other half, so the other half of your retarded army dies and guess what? It's game over. They're helpless, and you're helpless, no matter how good you are at mashing the attack button and running around slowly. Bear in mind this is on the easiest mode.

The story... Well, I wasn't paying much attention. Something based on Japanese folk law about a serpent king named Orochi who bears a strong resemblance to Voldemort, and some armies fighting against and with his army. It's clearly very dull. The in-game voice acting is atrocious. And to top it off, it repeats itself every single time you defeat an enemy. Wonderful. I just can't get enough of hearing 'FOR THE KINGDOM!' badly voice acted in an over-cheesed fashion every second.

So, is it a good game? If you want a dull button mashing beat 'em up. So in other words, NO.

Totally.

I'm gonna do a video review with illustrations.