Slight Pulse

[Slight Pulse]

Hello.
I'm Slight Pulse.
I've seen many forms like this one where you can post what you have written for poems.
So that is what I will be doing on here.
Please read them and tell me what you think.

When you do reply to one of the poems,
Put the name of the poem first than write what you want to say.
That way I know where you talking about.

 

[Slight Pulse]

Name : The Show
This was a poem I needed to write for school, I needed to use my ten vocabulary words which will be underline in the poem.

"Down were the flowers grow
And up where the river flows
There’s a little place
Where stars put on a show
Don’t let your-self be capture
Or you may never turn around and go

They captivate you
And never let you go
Always and forever

Just because you’re capable to go away
Never forget the show
Where the stars erupt and grow

Be care where you step
Or you might stable upon
A little green flower
With its corrupted mind
It might bring you down
To meet the fellow ground.

Even if you meet,
Place don’t capsize the little flower.
He was only trying to make you stay
For the ongoing show.

Here is the place where
There is no capacity for you
So let the stars put on their show.

Don’t abrupt your gaze
You’ll miss everything
There is to see.

And when the show has ended,
When the rise of a new day has disrupt
The rupture of it all
Will be the queue
For all of our goodbyes.

Until the next night,
Always remember to let the stars
Shine in their show."

 

[daddylatrell]

I love the repetition put into this poem!
Also, great metaphors.
It adds great taste and spark in the description! :]

 

[Slight Pulse]

Name:Changed [may change the name later]
Behind the poem/song: I just wrote this and I'm working on right now.

I've been waiting in the street
and I've been dreaming in the clouds
but when I looked back down
I found you were gone
and I have to wondering
where did you go now?

No, not tonight
I waited forever
but forever was to long
I didn't understand
where I went wrong.

There's nothing left to dream
and there's nothing left to think
You've come and you've gone
and I've waited to long

Now that you're back
all I want to ask is,
"Why did this ever happen?"

What was can never be.
Stop the wishing
Stop the wants
I'm done with theses things
that can not stop

I'm though with the waiting
and the clouds have turned gray
my heart is in peaces
Why did you go away?

 

[daddylatrell]

If your having title troubles, I suggest "Nothing Left" or "Waiting"! :]
BTW, the ending line gave me chills!

 

[Slight Pulse]

@ simperson // Thanks for the feed back and ideas on the last poem's name. I think I'm going to name it Changed for now.

 

[Slight Pulse]

Name:

Knock out

Tonight's what's up
this parties going down
just throw you're hands up
Let your troubles go
tonight's the night
beats blast
light flash
colors mix and match
I won't stop til the sunrise
so just knock me out!

After thoughts: I'm thinking about making that the chores in a song.

 

[Mabon Gwyddion]

that was nice. I got lost  

[daddylatrell]

For some reason this reminds me of a song Ke$ha would sing... eek
But yeah, turning it into a song would be a great idea!
It would be so much fun to dance to, lol.

 

[Slight Pulse]

Name:

Time

Time is but a number darling
don't worry about a thing
stop telling me to hurry
it won't do a thing
life is measure in the memories you make
so make many mistakes
let your heart be your guild
and put your mind on hold
life won't wait
for you to unfold
so let me show you
what time really can mean
in this wonderland of a world
time is nothing but a number darling.

 

[iAteAlice]

@time

that was awsome and brillant, thank you for posting your poetry and remember I will keep reading it xD thank you!




iAteAlice  

[Priestess of Sekhmet]

I've been waiting in the street
and I've been dreaming in the clouds
but when I looked back down
I found you were gone
and I have to wondering
where did you go now?
((I think I see what you were going for here, but try reading these aloud. It sounds kind of awkward with the almost-rhymes and the lack or rhythm.))

No, not tonight
I waited forever
but forever was to long
I didn't understand
where I went wrong.
((Again, I see what you were going for. The whimsy of a rhyme scheme might be a little much for this poem, just because it's clearly supposed to be serious.))

There's nothing left to dream
and there's nothing left to think
You've come and you've gone
and I've waited to long
((Okay, hold on. "Long" and "gone" don't rhyme. That's what I mean. It just sounds strange. It doesn't flow.))

Now that you're back
all I want to ask is,
"Why did this ever happen?"
((Better. This has great rhythm without the rhyming and that's what I like. Very, very nice.))

What was can never be.
Stop the wishing
Stop the wants
I'm done with theses things
that can not stop
((If you're going to say "Stop the wishing/stop the wants, I suggest you change it to "wanting" just because that uniformity makes it flow better.))

I'm though with the waiting
and the clouds have turned gray
my heart is in peaces
Why did you go away?
((Oh, back to the almost-rhymes....))