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-_-Pera Grin-_-

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Posted: Thu Apr 22, 2010 6:04 pm

so, the title pretty much explains itself.
this is supposed to be a huge 250-300 word essay, and third-party help is always appreciated.
please don't write things like,
Wow! You write really well! ^^
or
booo!!!!!!!! fail!!!!
or
emo!! aaaah!!!!
please be as specific as you can

Many of the religious, those true believers, are belittled, ignored, and outright ridiculed. With the proof that we have, it seems like only a fool would still cling to outdated and biased dogma. We are progressing, intelligent, tolerant, and to the minds of more than a few people, the unrelenting religious represent an old and dark time.
But, those who wholly believe, by acting the way they are told is correct, may be the only ones that don’t have to face our oldest and darkest fear.
Religion forced people for thousands of years to act a certain way, else they would spend eternity in darkness, shame, and agony.
What will happen when people decide they have no guardian, no demons, no god, no heaven, no hell?
What will happen when people decide poor behavior will result only with a few years of jail, and good behavior won’t matter in the end?
What will happen when we no longer have an afterlife, and we all realize no matter our deeds, the size of our houses, and whether we be saints or villains, murderers or martyrs, we all end out the same.
Fading until the end of the world, six feet under, now a corpse, now a skeleton, now dust, until no matter what the bravest of us ever did, even their memory will disappear to an abandoned idea, it all fading away in a world that couldn’t care less.
We shouldn’t persecute the religious because they believe, but envy the fact they know they have something, anything, better, than that.
Many refuse to accept there is something else, but what will happen when our only eternity left is…rotting?

so, write below, and the site will pay you for posting.

Posted: Thu Apr 22, 2010 6:18 pm

-You need an introduction. The introduction should state what will be in the essay and entice the reader to read more.
-Each paragraph should have an introductory line about what the paragraph is about and a conclusion line which restates the introduction line without the same words.
-Each paragraph should have about 7 or more sentences.
-It should have a conclusion that restates the point of the essay and summarizes each paragraph.
-The introduction and conclusion don't need to be more than four sentences long.
-Don't have the essay set up to wear it types in the middle but have it type on the side and use indention at the beginning of each paragraph.

Sukuya

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vampire_angelz

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Posted: Sat May 08, 2010 12:27 am

your missing an intro and conclus
is very discriptive, but what about, continue on
dont be so worried about it beingexacly on the mark of 250=300 ima sure they wont mind give or take 10

Posted: Fri May 14, 2010 3:39 pm

All the previously said stuff aside, well written. Interesting topic (some socialogy class?) Very true, too.

Kiraden

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ii-CocoMimi-x

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Posted: Thu May 20, 2010 5:42 pm

mines better ^^

Posted: Thu May 20, 2010 5:48 pm

Sukuya

-You need an introduction. The introduction should state what will be in the essay and entice the reader to read more.
-Each paragraph should have an introductory line about what the paragraph is about and a conclusion line which restates the introduction line without the same words.
-Each paragraph should have about 7 or more sentences.
-It should have a conclusion that restates the point of the essay and summarizes each paragraph.
-The introduction and conclusion don't need to be more than four sentences long.
-Don't have the essay set up to wear it types in the middle but have it type on the side and use indention at the beginning of each paragraph.

What she said. But I thought it was good. ^-^

Jellymancer

Wheezing Noob

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nekokat23

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Posted: Sun May 30, 2010 6:35 pm

if this is a debate, then you should include the other side of the argument: have you ever done something nice? has anyone done anything nice to you? then you know how good it feels. its not just the end pays off, its now, too. please be more positive. humans are not just greedy, evil beings. they are capable of good things too. have you seen what exel energy did? even though they will lose money, and a costamer, they still opted to pay for almost a third of most solar installations. beacause they are simply good people who care if the planeet goes to hell, and will try to stop it even if it means their sacrifice. some people still have dignaty.

Posted: Sun May 30, 2010 6:47 pm

you need to be clearer of your purpose right from the beginning, an introduction would be nice. through the whole thing until the last paragraph i was unsure wether it supported religion or went against it. it really took away from it because i didnt know what you were talking about until the end. Other than that you do need to elaborate a little bit, its scattery. but other than that, could get the point across if you organised better