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 Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2014 7:24 pm
Although she would have, when she was younger, gone to the gym to train, Amarus had embraced a different concept of wholeness that involved using a bigger environment. Her love for scaling tall objects and buildings had translated perfectly into a love of parkour-like activities. She was, at that particular moment, perched at the top of a tree and more than a little ghostly-- she had realized a while ago that if she allowed herself to embrace her natural traits, she could scale to higher branches that would never have held her weight under normal circumstances.
From her vantage point, she could still make out details on the grounds: figures moving, students from place to place, sometimes a little sneaky smudge of a gnome creeping around. At this particular time, she thought she saw someone familiar on the grounds.
"Is that someone from the past?" Amarus wondered, the corner of her mouth quirking up into a smile. She wasn't, in fact, talking to herself: Songbird, her favourite Phoenix Hatchling Comet, was currently perched on her shoulder. "Investigate? Is it someone we know?" she asked. Songbird flew down, but instead of returning, seemed to head back to the aviary.
Thinking that was odd, she descended, and headed towards them to see herself. Her lotus aura and her bells, if nothing else, betrayed her approach: the pink-purple flicker of her aura against her skin cast light around her. "Good evening," she greeted, lacing her voice with her Lotus essence out of habit. It was nice not to be weak, any longer.
Baneful yep I don't know what I'm doing here's a really vague start to what is also a vague RP
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Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 6:11 pm
Zar spent a lot of time outdoors lately, he was getting more used to the natural form he'd suppressed all this time and was slowly becoming more comfortable in himself and who he really was. He had been running for a good portion of the day and had just shifted back to his pinned shape when the world around him seemed to slow a fraction, when his post-exercise buzz became a more heady sort of buzz.
And was that bells? He perked his ears and turned to face the person who had just addressed him.
"Mmmmm?" he said, a lazy and slightly dazed hum, seeming to edge out of it to realise who he was talking to. "Evennnning." he purred. "Long time no see."
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Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 6:45 pm
It was, in fact, Zar. Even now, despite seeing him at her booth, it still felt a little like she was seeing a ghost. If she had known he was spending time in his natural form to get used to himself, she would have approved of the thought; she wasn't even that far along, yet, in coming to terms with her own self. She still stayed almost completely tangible, and refused to float; despite being a ghost, she walked a couple inches above the ground, to this day. The same as she always had.
So of the two of them, she still hadn't even halfway come to terms with her natural state. Amarus laughed, shaking her head, "It has, ah, been a terribly long time, Zar. It was nice to see you the other day, I did not expect it in the least. I am so rarely surprised-- the feeling was... nice," she said, tilting her head, pressing a finger to her cheek. She looked off in the direction her bird had flown.
"Are you terribly different from when we first met, do you think?" Amarus asked.
It wasn't that weird, for someone who went around asking strangers what souls were and if they had one. At least she hadn't started with that awkward conversational gem. Things for Amarus hadn't changed overly much, but at least her facial expressions actually denoted what she was feeling more than they didn't. Small triumphs.
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Posted: Fri Sep 19, 2014 4:45 pm
Zar went a little darker across the cheeks at the mention of how it had been nice to see him again. He wasn't feeling himself for whatever reason, being around Amarus had a very unusual effect on him. He felt downright fuzzy. His natural emotional empathic abilities made him very easily influenced by other people's more emotionally oriented ones.
He didn't even question the strangeness of what he was asked, his thoughts feeling sluggish and slow.
"I think I am." he said distantly. "Very different. I was killing myself back then." And his thoughts skipped dreamily to the self who had been struggling and stressing in the library. "I thought I was only good for reading. Now I realise I am suited for. Mmmm." he hummed and trailed off, eyeing the sky distantly.
"..other things." he said, dreamily.
"What about you?" he hummed. "Are you the same?"
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Posted: Fri Sep 19, 2014 6:13 pm
If Zar was empathic, Amarus was the opposite: cool as the surface of a mirror, she had always felt hollow beneath her blank surface. That was why she had feared she had no soul, and that she was nothing-- it would surely explain why, when she tried to socialize with others, she did not understand the point to it.
Over time, she had learned the difference. She had discovered she could understand, could recognize faces as beloved, could miss others. By no means could she be called empathic, but at least now she could smile when she was happy.
"Would you walk with me? I have no destination in mind," Amarus asked-- she smiled, and noticed that unlike her usual day to day life, Zar seemed to respond to the lotus smoke. It was, in a way, comforting. When others were at ease, Amarus was, too-- when it felt like a dream, it was easier to be herself. She did not have to worry as much about her reputation. A dream, after all, could be dismissed.
"Killing yourself? That would be a shame, I think, but what would I know? I am already dead," she said, and looked at Zar suddenly, smiling widely. Maybe she had changed more than she had thought. Once, she would have done anything to deny that, too. Now, it was funny. Still, she became serious again moments later. "Reading, what a thing to believe as our only use," Amarus said, her face twisting into a grimace.
"I am the same, but I am more of me. It is as if I have begun to bridge the fragments," Amarus said, reaching her hand up and resting it lightly against her chest.
She stopped moving, so that she could turn and look at Zar, and just really look at him for a second. "I was in so much pain, I think. I was in so much pain, that I did not know what to do, or how to ease it. At times, the pain became worse. At many others, better," Amarus tried to explain.
"Now that you know you are good for, ah, whatever more that might be, are you done killing yourself?" She asked, tilting her head. She rested one of her palms against her cheek, looking at him with her silver eyes. Her expression was blank, like it used to be. It was blank, because she was waiting.
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Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2014 11:09 am
It was strange to the Incubus to encounter individuals who were calm, and always fascinating to find out if that coolness appeared only on the surface or ran all the way to their very core. He could not know without touching and right now though touching the strangely enthralling ghoul seemed like a wonderful prospect, he did not feel the usual drive and predation to do so. He could get used to the thrumming satisfaction she seemed to radiate.
"Absolutely." he said, glad to take a walk, glad to set aside any plans for the other student. "And it quite was a shame." he said dreamily. "I was twisting my nature up, twisting it up till there was no circulation, till my future looked like I might simply surrender, dissapate and -" he wiggled his claws vaguely "drift away. It was quite pitiable."
He smiled with that same distracted dreaminess, his smile slightly too large and with too many teeth for how pretty a face he had. "Pulling oneself together is wonderful. I am glad to hear you have learned in some ways to begin to halt your own dissolution." He did not mind the dream-like sensations or the way he felt as if his hooves walked on so much clouds - his partner was after all a sloth demon. Dreams were welcome.
"I am quite done killing myself I should say." he said. "I realize now that I would much prefer to be the one doing the killing." And to finally kill the fragile creatures that could die. Humans. Would be most wonderful.
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Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2014 6:19 pm
It had been a burden, at first, to be so calm. Now, Amarus accepted it. She was almost never afraid, and she felt remarkably free. At times, Amarus was haunted by the memories of her Black Kingdom family and all that she had lost-- but that was a far away dream, a distant shadow of her real self. She was the one who had survived. If she knew what Zar could tell about her with one touch, she would have been curious: what was there, in the end? She seldom touched anyone. It had been unnatural, at first, and then no one bothered to try. Llyr was the one exception, now, and once Enzo had been almost normal around her in a good way. He had disappeared, again.
The reason Amarus had been so happy to see Zar again was because he was one of the first students she had ever met, after she woke up inside the Haunted House with no memories. She had become weirdly attached to the concept of those few students, though they had naturally gone their separate ways.
"A future where one must surrender?" Amarus asked, horrified, "I could not bear it. I am glad that you did, I think; yes, I think that is the word for it." Her eyes narrowed, her smile wicked, as his contained too many teeth. That was good. What use was it to be handsome, if you were not vicious as well?
Especially with what they needed to accomplish, with how loathsome the Humans were and how they needed their Fear to thrive. "I do not think I was dissolving, exactly. I think that I had been split apart, before I woke, and I had to put the pieces back together so that I could be strong again. Whole. I am still striving, I am constantly fighting, but that is my nature and I would not have it any other way," she said. Songbird had not returned. Perhaps her bird was nervous around Zar.
Amarus laughed. He would prefer to be the one doing the killing? Well, then she was doubly amused that it seemed like they were somehow more alike than she had once thought. In the library, hurling books at him while he sat there serious and depressing. "I never would have guessed you had such sentiments in you, once," she admitted. "May I give you a gift, Zar? In meeting, or in parting; though you may not need it for yourself, you may find it useful one day." She reached into her over robe and withdrew a thin vial. It glowed faintly, swirls of pink and purple smoke gathering beneath the cork. "It is the pure form of what I am, what I do," she said, offering the vial to him.
"Would you accept this?"
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Posted: Sun Sep 21, 2014 8:38 am
"You certainly seem like a fighter." he said, and it was with approval. He had never really been a fighter himself, not for a very long time, it was only recently he'd taken his own fate in his hands and decided that he was tired of being the universe's collective doormat. "And I'm glad that you are." He liked this ghoul, there was something cold about her while also somehow warm. It was more than just the addictive allure of her company.
"Thank you." he said, and took the offered vial perhaps a little quicker than he strictly meant to, but he couldn't help it, the prospect of more of his - more of her - was difficult to resist. "And I wouldn't have known I had those sentiments in me either back then. I was oblivious to so, so much."
He eyed the vial with a faint smile. "I'd gladly accept it, accept you. I am very grateful. " Smiling a little more he added, "Oh and before I forget." he reached into his pocket and fished out his pin, offering it. "You seem the trustworthy sort, here is my student pin."
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Posted: Sun Sep 21, 2014 11:38 am
Amarus laughed, and shook her head, bells ringing. "It almost seems like a compliment, when it is you talking-- that has not usually been the case, in my time here," Amarus said. It was nice, actually. It was nice to be seen as a fighter in a good way, and not frowned upon because she was violent. Why was it that, in a life so fraught with peril and chaos, she had been frowned upon in her early years for being aggressive?
In her eyes, it was necessary.
When he said that he was glad, she smiled more softly. It was transformative, and despite how cold she did seem, Zar would have been right; she wasn't all one thing or the other. Spending time with him was maybe bad for her, or was it good? She was so comfortable that it was easy to give in to her natural abilities and the hidden warm side of her personality, but it was addictive. She realized that with sudden amusement: being around someone who could seemingly figure her simple disguise out so easily was addictive. "I am supposed to be the one with tempting properties," she said aloud, giving Zar a sidelong glance that was both amused and wary. She shook her head, bells ringing, and sighed. "Too late, I suppose. I am more than a little, ah, suspicious of this feeling in your company, but I do not think that part of me will win, because I have never really been the kind to heed cautionary signs," she admitted.
At first, she didn't know what to say. She reached out her hand, taking hold of the pin with two of her pale fingers, the lotus aura flickering across even them with its light-on-water ripple. It was brighter than it normally was, and she couldn't help it. She knew this was not a dream, but it seemed like one. "Please do not admit as much, but I am trust worthy, yes," she said quietly. She didn't say things like that without assuming they would be told, eventually, but it was formality to admit it was something she didn't want circulating.
Normally she was a lot more violent in her requests of that nature, and normally there was a threat which accompanied them. She did not feel that was necessary with Zar. In fact, she subsequently produced her own pin.
"Would you believe that no one else has this?" she asked, smiling. "Once, a different design and in another life, I believe I gave a single one away-- It no longer represents who I was, and markedly so. However, if my pin is meant to vouch for anyone, I believe I would give this to you."
And she did, in fact, offer it out to Zar. Not because he had given her one and so she felt obliged, but because in him doing so, she had realized she did, in fact, want him to have it. "I do not have a skellyphone, and I never will, because it simply does not suit-- but my birds are always around. Zar, if you ever wish to speak again, perhaps I will appear," she said. "Or I can be found," she added, laughing. "It is hardly as though I am so mysterious." Actually, punctual communication with Amarus was incredibly difficult unless you knew the location of her Aviary or her Greenhouse. Na'ima knew the latter, and only some strange student she had met once had ever seen the Aviary.
Amarus sighed, and rested her hand against her cheek again. She smiled at him softly, shook her head for what must have been the third or fourth time this day, just while speaking with him. "I do not think I would be happy never seeing you again, especially now that I know you have come to terms with yourself in such an important way. Perhaps when I was younger I was so fond of you because we share something in common. Who knows? I would not trust my own analysis of my, ah, feelings-- not now, and probably not ever," she admitted.
That was definitely true. She was the worst at heart things. Even this was testing her limits. "If you had never left the library, I would never have come to stand with you in this place, and exist in this moment," she said. She nodded, as if something had suddenly fallen into place, her expression serious again.
She still held his pin in one hand, fingers curled around it.
Baneful WTF, THIS TAG IS LIKE A BOOK, I AM SO SORRY oh my god OTL
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Posted: Sun Sep 21, 2014 12:29 pm
Even the sound of bells was oddly dreamlike when Amarus moved and Zar really did find himself caught up in her, charmed like the snake that composed half of who he really was. His tail even hovered behind him patiently like an enthralled cobra, not its usual darting, agitated self. "This school, for all its merits, has never taken a good stand on violence." he said distantly. "I feel like they are working with some...some greater governing agency. Hallominati." he said. "To keep us from wanting to fight back, to reach our full potential. But some of us, well some of us see through it. Some of us learned to fight on our own. You seem like one of those people."
At the compliment, his toothy smile broadened. "Ah well, my brand of tempting is perhaps a little less airy, a little more focused." The lotus allure was pleasant and warming. "The difference between a gentle massage and one that runs bone deep and rattles you to your verrrry core." He gave her a dismissive gesture. "But do not worry yoursself. Not one bit, my temptation does not harm. I am an Incubus, I savour emotions of any kind but especially one specific sort. Pain does not benefit me, unless of course, it is what some individual is into, you understand." He knew he was somewhat intoxicated but he did not try to resist the gentle allure, despite not having touched Amarus to discern her true intentions, he felt that she was indeed trustworthy, that their aims and goals did not run counter to one another. "As for caution well, caution has always been a little dull. Risks have the largest gains."
He took the pin with a nod of gratitude and stowed it away in the ruffled recesses of his shirt. "I will say not a word." he added, "And would hope that you should do the same for me. I am most grateful of your confidence."
There was something to be said for someone who avoided skellyphones and other dubious technology, to him it seemed wise, keeping out of the reach of potentially hostile tracking measures. It fit her that she was fleeting and difficult to find, the same way her intoxicating abilities were also difficult to resist and difficult to define. "I will be sure to seek you out." he said. "I never held much stock either with skellyphones and the like. But smell. Well." he flicked his tongue briefly, serpentine and undisguised, tasting the air. "My olfactory senses are far greater than my sense of sight, and you smell distinct and memorable. I'm sure I can seek you out if I need to do so."
His tail took to strange looping arcs in the air. "And likewise, if you do require any help, with anything at all - even an assessment of your feelings. I would be most delighted to help you, my kind live to serve. Emotions and carnality are my bread and butter. I am always grateful of a chance to revel in both." Looking her over fleetingly he seemed to approve of some unspoken factor.
"I am fortunate I met you" he said, and bowed curtly, even as he did so seeming to waver and split, reshaping himself till he stood in his natural unpinned form, as large as the tallest horse, and his smile went far far up to his ears. "If I had not I would not have thisssssss. I would be sssomeone elssses possesssion."
Face your demons Not a problem at all. I love me sum words.
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Posted: Sun Sep 21, 2014 1:42 pm
Amarus laughed. "I think I was made to fight, it is unnatural not to-- you sound like someone who has been unchained, and now believes there are puppetmasters everywhere," she said, smiling.
Perhaps there were. She would find those strings and cut them, surely. And if that was the case, she could surely rely on him to cut some of them, too. Good. It was good to look at someone and feel they were strong. And of all students, it was Zar she thought this of now, which amused her infinitely. She resisted the urge to reach out and touch his face, as if reaffirming it was the same student she'd known once.
"So that is what you are," she said, both surprised and suddenly understanding. She laughed. "No wonder, then," she mused. It was true that her Lotus Essence was far less focused than that; it was made for an atmosphere, there was no edge and no direction. The only influence she could exercise with focus was her essence in its pure dosage. It had been a while since she gave that out.
"I am not the type to worry," she said. Actually, she wasn't sure she had ever worried. Literally ever. She took decisive action, she did not worry. If she didn't like something, she made it stop. That was always how it worked. She was strong, resourceful, and found it far more natural to feel nothing than something; it was easy to keep a clear mind, in light of that. "I wonder: is it a risk if you can change the outcome to suit you?" she asked.
For a moment, it almost seemed to offend her, the very thought she could or would tell anyone anything that had happened here. She looked away to hide the cold expression on her face, because she didn't want to feel that just yet. "There is no one I would tell," she said, finally. She folded her hands into a kuji kiri.
Again, she probably would have thought him paranoid if he'd mentioned the tracking measures. She hardly put so much thought into using or not using skellyphones; if Amarus was nothing else, she was quite selfish. If something didn't suit her, she discarded it-- that was where the phone had gone. "Yes, then you will always know where I am-- it is a very specific scent I have, it is true-- I find that it only grows stronger with time, though I develop no other abilities," she admitted. It was entirely true: all three years, only her lotus smoke had increased. It was incredibly potent, by this point.
Amarus watched his tail, curious. Curious, and a little wary. Her expression hadn't quite returned to normal, her mirror-silver eyes still blank. "Do you think someone like me feels things?" she asked, her voice quiet and as void as her face.
She knew better. She knew she hid those things in her heart. As he changed to his unpinned form, though, it seemed to surprise her enough that the guard fell and the illusion of emptiness cracked just enough that her real self showed again. Dreaming, once more. She remained tangible, one foot stepping forward to stand an inch above the ground as per usual, closer to him. Her fingertips reached forward, slightly, of their own volition. She wanted to touch him, and did not.
The side of her that was cold was further ingrained. Her hand fell away. "What is it, I wonder, that my kind, ah, die for?" she asked, quietly. "I like your smile," she said, bowing deeply, as if in parting. "Someone else's. Hmm," she said, and wondered if it was true. Her essence was a tool she employed, but seldom in its concentrated dose any more.
She was sad to go. This had been so nice. A part of her desperately wanted to find out what it meant when he said he could assess her feelings, but it was caged and contained again. It was remarkable she had even admitted to this much. Remarkable, and unpleasant. No one should know this. It was safe for Llyr to know; he was hardly ever lucid, anyway. It was safe for Enzo to know; he was reliable, because he was a businessman above all.
She did not know if it was safe for Zar to know, but she hoped they were alike in that regard: that it was as safe for him to know, as it was for her. "Yes... it is a good smile," she concluded, after a long pause. It was a compliment that carried more weight, perhaps, than it seemed; she was, in her way, admiring his natural form.
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Posted: Sun Sep 21, 2014 2:49 pm
Zar nodded but did not comment on puppet masters, after all most demons by their very nature were inclined towards playing puppets with others. He didn't want to make her suspicious, when at present he didn't bear any real ill will towards her.
The desire to close the distance, to touch her every time she moved close to him was very strong indeed, but he resisted simply out of respect for her, there would be other chances to get near enough, he was certain. It was a matter of patience and earning trust rather than pushing boundaries.
He did look fascinated at the idea of her ability being singular in nature. "It issss. Very potent. It could sserve you well outside this ssschool, I'm ssssure. Addictive to the extreme. "
Tilting his head to one side, his ears flopped in a way that might have been cute if not for the rest of him. "I think every creature here feels things in sssome way or another. The only time I have ever touched ssssomeone and felt nothing but void was when they had some kind of artifact interfering." He flicked his tongue. "As for what you feel. I can only guess. Perhaps one day I will know for certain."
He was undeniably pleased at her evaluation of his form, still always expecting people to react with disdain that a demon was so monstrous in his true form. "For now however, I sshould be on my way." he said, giving her a wink. "It issss alwaysss a pleasssure to meet you." he hissed. "I may ssseek you out again ssoon, if you do not mind."
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Posted: Sun Sep 21, 2014 3:16 pm
It was true also that it was a fine line to walk between trust and emptiness, where Amarus was concerned. That they'd even come this far was a surprise to her.
"I have not thought about life after this school," she admitted. She didn't have anywhere to go, really. Xiu had offered her a spot at her bakery, at least.
Amarus smiled when he tilted his head, too. "Perhaps," she agreed. It was a good middle ground, perhaps. No promise, no threat.
A wink from his natural form, Amarus laughed. She bowed to him again. "I should continue on, as well-- please do, I would be, ah... I would be happier if you did, than if you did not, I think. Is that right? Happier? Hmm..." Amarus straightened, and started to pad back into the shadows under the trees from which she'd emerged, lost in thought, her lotus aura's flicker fading rapidly into the dark.
"I wonder, how do I feel?" Amarus' ringing bells summoned Songbird back soon enough, accompanied by Dream. They seemed worried, and she petted them both as they settled onto her shoulder, tails trailing down her back. "My beautiful birds. How is the sky?" she asked, her thoughts elsewhere, feelings dismissed.
She did hope to see him soon, but why?Baneful I still want to RP with you but I'm not sure where to go xD
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