|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2016 11:04 am
I apparently have never been wanted by either my birth parents or my adopted father. My birth mother did drugs while pregnant with me and either my birth mother's boyfriend at the time or his brother are my birth father and one of them shook me as a baby and the police took me away from them then I got adopted at 6 months old. I thought I was loved until I was 7 and my adopted mother died of cancer and a brain tumor which I was blamed for and still is blamed for to this day even though it was my adopted father's smoking that gave her cancer and he remarried 2 weeks after she died. I cracked my head open twice and was not taken to the hospital. WhenI was 16 my adopted father decided to tell me that he could careless if walked out the door and died on my birthday and that was my only birthday gift I got that year. I was physically, mentally, and emotionally abused until I was 18 graduated high school and moved as far away from them as possible. AND every so often he sends me an email just to say how much he hates me, wishes I'd hurry up and die, and tells me I don't deserve any happiness and will only hurt those I care about. HE IS SUCH AN a*****e, I MEAN WHAT KIND OF MAN CAN RAISE A GIRL AND THEN JUST SUDDENLY SAY "GO KILL YOURSELF" (i mean I know I shouldn't hold onto this crap but he won't let me forget despite the distance between us)
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2016 9:29 pm
Bloodrose_Pagan_13 I apparently have never been wanted by either my birth parents or my adopted father. My birth mother did drugs while pregnant with me and either my birth mother's boyfriend at the time or his brother are my birth father and one of them shook me as a baby and the police took me away from them then I got adopted at 6 months old. I thought I was loved until I was 7 and my adopted mother died of cancer and a brain tumor which I was blamed for and still is blamed for to this day even though it was my adopted father's smoking that gave her cancer and he remarried 2 weeks after she died. I cracked my head open twice and was not taken to the hospital. WhenI was 16 my adopted father decided to tell me that he could careless if walked out the door and died on my birthday and that was my only birthday gift I got that year. I was physically, mentally, and emotionally abused until I was 18 graduated high school and moved as far away from them as possible. AND every so often he sends me an email just to say how much he hates me, wishes I'd hurry up and die, and tells me I don't deserve any happiness and will only hurt those I care about. HE IS SUCH AN a*****e, I MEAN WHAT KIND OF MAN CAN RAISE A GIRL AND THEN JUST SUDDENLY SAY "GO KILL YOURSELF" (i mean I know I shouldn't hold onto this crap but he won't let me forget despite the distance between us) First of all, sweety, I want to tell you that you are NOT AT FAULT and should never blame yourself for ANY of what happened, including your adopted mother's death (I am very sorry to hear that). You have been through ordeals so unimaginable. Just the fact that you are courageous enough to write this shows how STRONG you are. Your birth parents and adopted father have done absolutely horrendous things that have truly inflicted great psychological and physical harm. I know you know this, but I want to let you know that I really am on your side. You did the right thing and the only thing you could do for your safety and well-being. You moved away. What your father said was beyond reproach, truly an awful thing to say to a daughter and a fellow human being. I probably wouldn't open up his emails if you can help it! They are so filled with hatred. I think they will only make you feel worse. Maybe block him if you can until you feel you have created enough distance between you and him. Of course, those are your decisions; I would never tell you what to do. Hopefully one day he will feel remorse for what he did to you. You need to keep on being strong, take it day by day, month by month. You will heal more. If need be, seek counseling if it would help to have a professional to talk to (I am not saying you need to, but when anyone has gone through traumatic events like you have, it can be helpful). Also know that you can always rant in here whenever you want, whatever makes you feel better. Shoot us PMS. I really hope that you have good sources, hobbies, people, etc. in your life to draw upon. Whatever can make you feel happy and appreciated. You deserve it! I don't know you, but I get the feeling you are a great person. Anyway...not to be so long winded, but know that we are here for ya emotion_kirakira
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Sep 09, 2016 9:22 am
Blind Blindness First of all, sweety, I want to tell you that you are NOT AT FAULT and should never blame yourself for ANY of what happened, including your adopted mother's death (I am very sorry to hear that). You have been through ordeals so unimaginable. Just the fact that you are courageous enough to write this shows how STRONG you are. Your birth parents and adopted father have done absolutely horrendous things that have truly inflicted great psychological and physical harm. I know you know this, but I want to let you know that I really am on your side. You did the right thing and the only thing you could do for your safety and well-being. You moved away. What your father said was beyond reproach, truly an awful thing to say to a daughter and a fellow human being. I probably wouldn't open up his emails if you can help it! They are so filled with hatred. I think they will only make you feel worse. Maybe block him if you can until you feel you have created enough distance between you and him. Of course, those are your decisions; I would never tell you what to do. Hopefully one day he will feel remorse for what he did to you. You need to keep on being strong, take it day by day, month by month. You will heal more. If need be, seek counseling if it would help to have a professional to talk to (I am not saying you need to, but when anyone has gone through traumatic events like you have, it can be helpful). Also know that you can always rant in here whenever you want, whatever makes you feel better. Shoot us PMS. I really hope that you have good sources, hobbies, people, etc. in your life to draw upon. Whatever can make you feel happy and appreciated. You deserve it! I don't know you, but I get the feeling you are a great person. Anyway...not to be so long winded, but know that we are here for ya emotion_kirakira
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Sep 09, 2016 1:47 pm
but you're wrong about one thing I'm not strong at all I'm actually really weak and just put up a strong front that's just a mask I'm just broken, damaged and wounded to the point I can't put the pieces back together and all I do is push the people that care away so that I can be safe behind my walls and talking about it and how I feel just makes me that much weaker...if I was strong I be perfectly fine and it wouldn't still affect me like it does...I wouldn't still cry over it...I wouldn't be sad anymore...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Sep 09, 2016 7:48 pm
Bloodrose_Pagan_13 Blind Blindness First of all, sweety, I want to tell you that you are NOT AT FAULT and should never blame yourself for ANY of what happened, including your adopted mother's death (I am very sorry to hear that). You have been through ordeals so unimaginable. Just the fact that you are courageous enough to write this shows how STRONG you are. Your birth parents and adopted father have done absolutely horrendous things that have truly inflicted great psychological and physical harm. I know you know this, but I want to let you know that I really am on your side. You did the right thing and the only thing you could do for your safety and well-being. You moved away. What your father said was beyond reproach, truly an awful thing to say to a daughter and a fellow human being. I probably wouldn't open up his emails if you can help it! They are so filled with hatred. I think they will only make you feel worse. Maybe block him if you can until you feel you have created enough distance between you and him. Of course, those are your decisions; I would never tell you what to do. Hopefully one day he will feel remorse for what he did to you. You need to keep on being strong, take it day by day, month by month. You will heal more. If need be, seek counseling if it would help to have a professional to talk to (I am not saying you need to, but when anyone has gone through traumatic events like you have, it can be helpful). Also know that you can always rant in here whenever you want, whatever makes you feel better. Shoot us PMS. I really hope that you have good sources, hobbies, people, etc. in your life to draw upon. Whatever can make you feel happy and appreciated. You deserve it! I don't know you, but I get the feeling you are a great person. Anyway...not to be so long winded, but know that we are here for ya emotion_kirakira Of course. I really hope you can find solace. I know it won't happen tomorrow, but I really do wish you peace and a bright future. I'm sorry to hear about his emails and phone number. I don't know if there's some way to prevent him from ever contacting you again, like a court order or something. Sad that he has to inject himself into your life when you've been very clear that he is not welcome there, and for excellent reason. I understand about being uncomfortable with professional help. It can be a truly daunting thing, and I wouldn't tell you to go unless you're willing. I can understand your viewpoint. There are religious professionals who will want to force their worldview on you. A good mental health professional doesn't do that, and with knowledge that you don't believe in god, would never force religion on you. If they do, they are not practicing ethical counseling. A good counselor lets the client decide how much, if at all, religion plays a role in treatment. Personally, I'm agnostic. God may or may not be real, but yeah, I just don't know. I think that burning in hell, though, is never a good way to approach a person. For obvious reasons. xD I'm glad that feel you can talk to us! We try to be as nice and understanding as we can, and while we are definitely not perfect, we hope to show compassion and friendship to others...part of the guild's purpose! Well..and randomness! Also, as for your other post, I won't contradict you if you say you're not yet strong, but allow me to say that it is courageous (and arguably healthy) that you are at least talking about it and finding any outlet that can help you. You said you push people away. That's only natural after what you've been through. I do hope that you can eventually let more people in who have earned your trust, in whatever capacity you feel that you are able to. That takes a lot of time, though, and can't be rushed. It's normal to be sad. Cry as much as you want. And as I said, any healthy tool you feel you can use (maybe even writing down things that make you feel better, do that) 3nodding
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2016 9:33 am
Blind Blindness Of course. I really hope you can find solace. I know it won't happen tomorrow, but I really do wish you peace and a bright future. I'm sorry to hear about his emails and phone number. I don't know if there's some way to prevent him from ever contacting you again, like a court order or something. Sad that he has to inject himself into your life when you've been very clear that he is not welcome there, and for excellent reason. I understand about being uncomfortable with professional help. It can be a truly daunting thing, and I wouldn't tell you to go unless you're willing. I can understand your viewpoint. There are religious professionals who will want to force their worldview on you. A good mental health professional doesn't do that, and with knowledge that you don't believe in god, would never force religion on you. If they do, they are not practicing ethical counseling. A good counselor lets the client decide how much, if at all, religion plays a role in treatment. Personally, I'm agnostic. God may or may not be real, but yeah, I just don't know. I think that burning in hell, though, is never a good way to approach a person. For obvious reasons. xD I'm glad that feel you can talk to us! We try to be as nice and understanding as we can, and while we are definitely not perfect, we hope to show compassion and friendship to others...part of the guild's purpose! Well..and randomness! Also, as for your other post, I won't contradict you if you say you're not yet strong, but allow me to say that it is courageous (and arguably healthy) that you are at least talking about it and finding any outlet that can help you. You said you push people away. That's only natural after what you've been through. I do hope that you can eventually let more people in who have earned your trust, in whatever capacity you feel that you are able to. That takes a lot of time, though, and can't be rushed. It's normal to be sad. Cry as much as you want. And as I said, any healthy tool you feel you can use (maybe even writing down things that make you feel better, do that) 3nodding
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 11, 2016 10:51 am
Bloodrose_Pagan_13 Blind Blindness Of course. I really hope you can find solace. I know it won't happen tomorrow, but I really do wish you peace and a bright future. I'm sorry to hear about his emails and phone number. I don't know if there's some way to prevent him from ever contacting you again, like a court order or something. Sad that he has to inject himself into your life when you've been very clear that he is not welcome there, and for excellent reason. I understand about being uncomfortable with professional help. It can be a truly daunting thing, and I wouldn't tell you to go unless you're willing. I can understand your viewpoint. There are religious professionals who will want to force their worldview on you. A good mental health professional doesn't do that, and with knowledge that you don't believe in god, would never force religion on you. If they do, they are not practicing ethical counseling. A good counselor lets the client decide how much, if at all, religion plays a role in treatment. Personally, I'm agnostic. God may or may not be real, but yeah, I just don't know. I think that burning in hell, though, is never a good way to approach a person. For obvious reasons. xD I'm glad that feel you can talk to us! We try to be as nice and understanding as we can, and while we are definitely not perfect, we hope to show compassion and friendship to others...part of the guild's purpose! Well..and randomness! Also, as for your other post, I won't contradict you if you say you're not yet strong, but allow me to say that it is courageous (and arguably healthy) that you are at least talking about it and finding any outlet that can help you. You said you push people away. That's only natural after what you've been through. I do hope that you can eventually let more people in who have earned your trust, in whatever capacity you feel that you are able to. That takes a lot of time, though, and can't be rushed. It's normal to be sad. Cry as much as you want. And as I said, any healthy tool you feel you can use (maybe even writing down things that make you feel better, do that) 3nodding Sorry about the late reply! Oh no, you're not being argumentative at all. Feel free to express your opinions. I actually agree with what you said about perfection and wasn't offended. I'm glad I'm easy to talk to! Here to listen and understand. As for crying being synonymous with being weak, I get that how you were raised can make a big difference about how you feel about crying or your ability to do so, especially when it was drilled into your head. I think that we all develop our own coping mechanisms and attitudes about things like that. We can change them if we want, but that's only if we feel it can help us, it's not necessarily right vs. wrong way, so I can understand that. 3nodding Also, you're right. Some people go out of their ways to make people's lives miserable. Sometimes subtle, and sometimes very overt. I am sorry your dad is one of those people. I also think having a support system is important, so if a computer screen helps, that's fine! I find that easier as well, honestly. Getting over being judged is one of the hardest things. I don't judge much, but I know some do, and when you're ready for more, you'll be ready. Until then, do whatever helps you.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 11, 2016 12:36 pm
Bloodrose_Pagan_13 but you're wrong about one thing I'm not strong at all I'm actually really weak and just put up a strong front that's just a mask I'm just broken, damaged and wounded to the point I can't put the pieces back together and all I do is push the people that care away so that I can be safe behind my walls and talking about it and how I feel just makes me that much weaker...if I was strong I be perfectly fine and it wouldn't still affect me like it does...I wouldn't still cry over it...I wouldn't be sad anymore... Listen, your strength isn't false. The fact that you've made it this far is amazing, and I commend you on your bravery. There is no such thing as "fake strength", especially when you've proven your bravery here by talking about this. It takes an immeasurable will to openly talk about events like this, and you've displayed that. It takes extreme strength to listen to the words that people in the guild are giving you. Your strength isn't a mask, it's a part of you that you wear with pride because you are a human, and no human is perfect. No human will ever be perfect. But because you've made it this far, and done what you can, it's proven your strength. The fact that you've put up with what your father has told you all this time, and you still keep fighting, it also shows your strength. You'll never be weak, ok? You're so brave and powerful, and there are legitimate events proving it!! biggrin We're here for you!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Sep 20, 2016 2:43 am
Thank you Blind Blindness and Paladin Magnus of BF I appreciate all your kind words and support i feel quite better now and thank you Blind Blindness for not taking offense on what I said I'm glad you're so understanding :]
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 25, 2016 9:31 am
Bloodrose_Pagan_13 Thank you Blind Blindness and Paladin Magnus of BF I appreciate all your kind words and support i feel quite better now and thank you Blind Blindness for not taking offense on what I said I'm glad you're so understanding :] Not a problem!! Did nothing wrong. Glad you're feeling better. biggrin
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Sep 26, 2016 9:06 am
Blind Blindness Not a problem!! Did nothing wrong. Glad you're feeling better. biggrin
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Sep 26, 2016 1:05 pm
Bloodrose_Pagan_13 Blind Blindness Not a problem!! Did nothing wrong. Glad you're feeling better. biggrin I proud of you!! biggrin Good job, and I hope things are easier from this point forward! emotion_hug
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2016 1:59 pm
Paladin Magnus Dawnguard I proud of you!! biggrin Good job, and I hope things are easier from this point forward! emotion_hug
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2016 12:12 pm
I know it's a bit late, but I just joined this guild, and I'm still browsing about the many topics and forums on this place. Anyway, I was just going to ask if you've considered changing YOUR E-Mail, or phone number, and only sending the new one out to people you trust not to give it to him. It seems as if he's not too likely to leave you alone, unless he can't find you. I also recommend getting a gun, just in case he angrily decides to come deliver his hate in person once he can no longer send it through messages. I would be fine with strait up killing the b*****d, after all, he's earned it, but I wouldn't recommend that, for obvious reasons. Besides, if he actually does come over there looking for you, its legitimately self defense. If you go looking for him... not so much. But yes, make it as hard for him to find you as possible, and get something to protect yourself with, should he come calling. That's the best advice I can give.
Oh, and slightly off topic, but people like him make me REALLY wish Hell Girl was real, and not just an anime. Some people just need to be sent directly to hell, do not pass GO, do not collect $200, they need to just go to hell and stay there for all of eternity. I'm sure he'll get there eventually, but I wish there was a way to put him on the fast track, even if you don't believe in Hell.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Dec 15, 2016 8:17 am
Priestess_Kelina I know it's a bit late, but I just joined this guild, and I'm still browsing about the many topics and forums on this place. Anyway, I was just going to ask if you've considered changing YOUR E-Mail, or phone number, and only sending the new one out to people you trust not to give it to him. It seems as if he's not too likely to leave you alone, unless he can't find you. I also recommend getting a gun, just in case he angrily decides to come deliver his hate in person once he can no longer send it through messages. I would be fine with strait up killing the b*****d, after all, he's earned it, but I wouldn't recommend that, for obvious reasons. Besides, if he actually does come over there looking for you, its legitimately self defense. If you go looking for him... not so much. But yes, make it as hard for him to find you as possible, and get something to protect yourself with, should he come calling. That's the best advice I can give. Oh, and slightly off topic, but people like him make me REALLY wish Hell Girl was real, and not just an anime. Some people just need to be sent directly to hell, do not pass GO, do not collect $200, they need to just go to hell and stay there for all of eternity. I'm sure he'll get there eventually, but I wish there was a way to put him on the fast track, even if you don't believe in Hell.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
