I wrote this! tell me what you think!

[Byakugan978]

The gentle breeze dries the eyes,
of a tainted boy surrounded by lies,
always present, smuthering; suffocating; clouding his judgment
& agonizing every bit of his pathetic life

his angled bangs can't hide the pain and shame,
nor the vast amounts of eyeliner,
scars on his arms for a little attention,
he recieved more than he wanted

i tell the story of the boy in tight cloting
to all the people i know
how he commited suicide before the age of 18,
he happened to cut to far down, though it was no accident.

as his life flashed before his eyes he realized, I realized, we all realized,

the boy was me  

[im-a-scientist!!!]

its great.  

[Nagaru Tensei]

.......?  

[Byakugan978]

Nagaru Tensei

.......?

what?  

[Thida Fxcking Tragedy++]

I didn't get it for a sec cuz i thought you were a girl... but if you psoted this.... you aint' dead. lol
I know whatcha meant.
Don't cut
It sucks, but it's pretty good but not what I would perfer cuzi'm me but yeah  

[Nagaru Tensei]

Byakugan978

Nagaru Tensei

.......?

what?

Hmmm....


Eh?  

[BlameItOnBadLuck]

i really really like it. you have somthing.  

[Prince_Padraic]

wow its great........  

[[. Negative Exposure .]]

WOw, that is so..great.  

[_darkened_tears_]

Ya, it's pretty good.  

[1crip4lifehomie]

i love it- i write stuff like that too  

[electronewyork]

i think its really cute i like the end when we realize its us ...cool..wish i had the writing talent
everytime i want to write i got writers block sweatdrop  

[Lupis Reapyr]

In the beginning, it's really good, but somewhere around the 3rd and 4th stanzas, it sort of loses something. Keep trying though, you have talent, you really do.  

[fullmeatgirl]

I love poems/songs with deep lyrics I heart it surprised  

[.panic.with.me.]

not bad. it lost something around the middle point though