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 Posted: Wed Aug 23, 2006 2:31 am
Another short story, written in April. It was supposed to be nice and very short. It's about the climate.
She was sitting on the pier, looking at the sea. That's how her old friend found her. She's been always coming here, ever since he remembered. Ever since they both remembered. She didn't know why, though. She just liked water.
They haven't seen each other for some time. First they both have been busy, barely finding some time for a couple of minutes of phone conversation. Then he left for a few months to study abroad. Now he was back at last and immediately went to the first place that came on his mind, to the pier. He was looking for her, he wanted to see her and knew he would find her there.
When he got on the pier and came up to her, the boards creaked under his feet. His friend shifted her seat and slowly turned her head. She smiled gently at his sight and made a gesture with her hand, telling him to sit beside her. Happy in her own, calm way, she hasn't changed at all. He sat down beside her. They were sitting for some time in silence, looking at the sea. At last, she snuggled to him.
"It's good you're here", she murmured.
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Posted: Wed Aug 23, 2006 11:17 am
"His friend moved a muscle and slightly turned her head. "
That line is a bit awkward, but other than that, the story was quite good.
Short and sweet.
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Posted: Wed Aug 23, 2006 11:43 am
The only thing that was off for me..
was the over all flow.
Some of your sentences seemed a little..
jumpy and ended abruptly.
and also what Waffles said.
That line jumped out to me too.
But other then that.
I Loved the story.
3nodding
heart -Remy
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Posted: Wed Aug 23, 2006 12:35 pm
Yip, I agree with you guys. It was good though!! 4laugh
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Posted: Wed Aug 23, 2006 12:46 pm
Thanks for your feedback, guys.^^
Any suggestions how I could correct that sentence?
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Posted: Wed Aug 23, 2006 12:51 pm
Maybe: 'His friend shifted her seat and slowly turned her head.'
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Posted: Wed Aug 23, 2006 1:54 pm
Thank you, I'll correct it now.^^
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Posted: Wed Aug 23, 2006 3:35 pm
Much better.
3nodding
heart -Remy
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Posted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 12:11 pm
It was very calming and soothing. It made me think of a lot of my friends I haven't spent time with in a while. You are very talented at Short storys, they always move me.
I love it dearly. <3
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Posted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 12:41 pm
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