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 Posted: Sat Sep 02, 2006 9:09 pm
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Old School Assignment
“Yeah, but its still true isn’t it?” I insisted with one contemptuously raised eyebrow.
“No need to question the obvious. Your pointing it out doesn’t make it any more real,” I contended.
“Well as long as you agree it happened, then we can move on to the actual issue. What are we going to do about it?” The superior stance in my voice entertained me.
“You need to understand, that there is no ‘we.’ Its creepy enough acknowledging that you exist, let alone identifying you as a separate individual … which you’re not …”
“Don’t act all confused on me. And stop avoiding my question,” I persisted.
“Well what do you mean ‘what am I going to do about it’? There’s nothing to do about it. You exist, and I can’t do anything more to officiate that then I can ignore it,” I argued back, delighted with my grammatically correct choice of wording.
“Alright then. …What is the base of this argument then? Its bad enough you’re talking to yourself, but talking to yourself about nothing? That’s just asking for an escort to the insane asylum,” I joked.
“Don’t sneer at me you jerk. Its not like I’m doing anything you’re not doing,” I accentuated.
“Agreed. … Lunatic.”
“Jerk.”
“Well now that we’ve established what a character you are, let us advance to a topic. Shall we?”
“Well the only reason I’m rambling on about nothing is because you keep interrupting my thought process.” My accusatorily pointed finger compelled a guilty smile.
“I am your thought process. And being such, I suggest for the second time, in recognition of your uncouth pride, that we choose a topic to certify that this is an actual argument.” The condensation in my voice was tinted with frustration.
“How can you label an argument by its subject matter? The fact that I disagree with you, and that you’ve acknowledged that disagreement with an exchange of words, proves that this is an argument. The reason for a dispute does not have to be definable,” I countered.
“Well if you want to get all philosophical on me…”
“I’m not getting anything on you! You are I, and I am you, and there is no ‘we’, and there is no ‘us’, or any other plural reference of the like. If I’m going to talk to myself I refuse to identify myself as two separate voices. There is one thought process being corrected by another thought process. There are not two separate– ”
“Just because its fun to interrupt myself: I thought I’d already concluded this particular matter?” My cheeks began to hurt with the ironic humor in this quarrel.
“As did I,” I intoned.
“Then why are you bringing it up again?”
“I am not! You’re the one who disrespected the agreement.”
“If I did then you did too!”
“Stop it!”
“… There are obviously better topics to entertain myself with… What ever happened to that five hundred word memory thing I was supposed to write?”
“Crap. Well it’s too late to start one. My brain is obviously fried, not to mention my mind being unresolved upon its own thoughts…” A statement of the obvious seemed… required.
“Well, if you tweaked this a bit, perchance added a few dialogue tags to clean it up for the grader of your … well thought out work, capitalized the beginning of your sentences, corrected the spelling that my computer won’t even guess at and auto correct, and miraculously tie my ramblings into a clever relation with something in the book … perchance then you could sneak this off as your memory thing. After all, by the time you reread it to add quotation marks around everything, it will be a memory.” The silent understanding of so many unspoken references left me in wonder of the human brain.
“…I like the way I think.”
“Now, that clever play on general subject matter to gather a relation with the book…” Questioning myself, expectant of a response, strained another smile.
“Well, I could integrate the pretentious epitome of language to conjure the muted idea that the incessant divergences in any individual’s mind– ”
“Referencing to me, of course…” I assumed.
“… Are indomitably and unambiguously analogous to the turmoil McCourt endures during his inexorable, hormone-induced revelations during his conversion from child to man.”
“Did any of that make sense?”
“You tell me. You’re the logical influence in all this.” This logical allegation curiously surprised me.
“If we’re going to assign blame here…” I warned.
“Ha, what’s my blame is you’re blame.” My usage of the variation of the quote shamed my arid wit.
“You pompous jerk,” I admitted.
“Why are you so fascinated with the word jerk?”
“Don’t ask that like you don’t know the answer.”
“Well just for the sake of conversation, I’m enthused to state it: jerk is simply the … religiously correct form of a more … indecent term.” My sidestepping was blatant enough to advertise for a dance competition.
“Way to stay politically correct.”
“You’re sarcasm drips off my comprehension like unheeded tears.”
“You literate jerk.”
“Now, about those grammatical corrections …”
(“What about them?”)
(“You went over your permitted word count.”)
(“Its your fault.”)
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Posted: Sun Sep 03, 2006 12:25 pm
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Posted: Sun Sep 03, 2006 2:55 pm
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Posted: Tue Sep 05, 2006 3:01 pm
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Posted: Tue Sep 05, 2006 3:02 pm
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Posted: Tue Sep 05, 2006 3:09 pm
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Posted: Tue Sep 05, 2006 3:12 pm
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Posted: Tue Sep 05, 2006 3:22 pm
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Posted: Tue Sep 05, 2006 3:42 pm
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Posted: Tue Sep 05, 2006 3:47 pm
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Posted: Tue Sep 05, 2006 4:44 pm
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Posted: Tue Sep 05, 2006 5:14 pm
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Posted: Tue Sep 05, 2006 5:18 pm
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Posted: Tue Sep 05, 2006 5:32 pm
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Posted: Tue Sep 05, 2006 6:03 pm
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Reply
