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 Posted: Mon Oct 02, 2006 7:33 pm
"Why! Why-why!?-Why did you do such a thing!? I thought you-you did- love him!" She yelled at me while sitting on her knees. I could hardly understand her words, because of her sobs.
I merely stared at her, with the gun in my hand. I looked at the body on the ground that was sitting in a pool of blood.
I couldn't tell if I was a man or a beast.
"WHY!-Why-Timothy!?-WHY!? I-I-thought you loved your brother! I thought you did! WHY!" she continued sobbing uncontrollably. I felt like laughing at her, she seemed like a child that had fallen and couldn't get up.
I kneeled down next to her, I could see fear in her blue watery eyes, and I wrapped my arm around her.
“Darcy...Don't cry...Please don't cry it doesn't suit you..." I started stroking her long, curly blond hair.
“Timothy! Why?!" She started to bang her hands against my chest, first hard and fast but then it slowed down to soft and child like. She clutched my t-shirt and started to get it wet with her tears. "...Killing someone...Doesn't suit you!"
”Oh....Darcy..." I still had the gun clutched in my hand...
"WHY!? I loved him! And you loved him too! He was your own brother! WHY!?" she pushed me away and cried in her hands.
I started to get annoyed. That was the very reason I had killed him!
"Shut up, Darcy! You meant nothing to him! It was I who sent you those love letters! It was I who sent you those chocolates and gifts on those holidays! It was I who wanted to be with you! Why don't you understand that I love you?"
She sobbed even louder, almost screaming.
”I love you! And I always will! I'm glad he's dead! Happy! Now...you and I can be together...forever...Isn't that what you wanted...?"
"NO! That’s what you wanted! You're a monster! A beast! I hate you!" she glared at me and got up. She walked towards me and slapped my cheek. She ran out the door, I fell against the wall, and dropped the gun. Her foot steps and her sobbing disappeared, along with my dignity...
I was a miscreant....
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Posted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 2:24 pm
...............
um, this is ver strange.
I like!
...but it is odd. :/
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Posted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 3:09 pm
... *Researches the word 'miscreant'*
Wow, that was pretty sad. Like a soap opera after loading up a few hits of LSD. Not really.
It was good. Emotional. Don't know what else to say, honestly. Made me think of a few other things going on in my own life. Almost makes me feel like a miscreant myself...
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Posted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 6:02 pm
Heh, I saw an episode on teevee like that. It was pretty weird. But I like this. You could have made it longer with more description about the scene unfolding and such, but good content.
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Posted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 7:15 pm
Very cool, emotionally powerful scene. I do think it would work well as a longer piece, with more description of the scene and more back story as to why Timothy just killed someone. He seems kind of cold to it all and the emotional drama is very well done...though I did think it was a little choppy at the beginning. Like 'I didn't know if I was a man or a beast' or the line to that effect but there's no more in depth about that. Adding more description would be key but generally I liked the idea, the tension and it's very intriguing. Definitely has you wanting to know more about what's going on. Good job!
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Posted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 8:48 pm
3nodding I shall work on it...well.. not now...But I don't know when, but I"ll try to make it more filling!
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