THE BEGINING OF A SONG I JUST ROTE!!!!!!!

[hellraiser13-911]

darkness creeping in
creeping in so slowly
darkness creeping in
it only comes wen im lonly
it never comes here
wen n e ones around
darkness creeping in
its taking me down
away from the light
preventing a fight
chasing me
corrupting me
surrounding me with evil




so thats just the begining.....if u want to add something to it....then reccomend a line or something....cuz i need some opinion of wat to put next........did u like it?......tell me the truth cuz i need to kno smile  

[drkmtn]

this sucks  

[hellraiser13-911]

celluloid_dreamer

this sucks

ur mom suks!!!!!......big donkey dik...u a*****e....keep ur lowgrade pice of s**t comments to urself!!!!!!!  

[rikaLeshay]

hellraiser13-911

celluloid_dreamer

this sucks

ur mom suks!!!!!......big donkey dik...u a*****e....keep ur lowgrade pice of s**t comments to urself!!!!!!!

lol.i like it  

[Envy__Sin]

Alright, first of all, I am NOT flaming. Constructive critism:

It sounds a bit cliche, but with time and a bit more work, it could turn into something great. Another thing, not all songs/poems need to rhymn. ^^ It makes em sound that much more cliche.

I hope to read the final piece. Good luck.

3nodding  

[drkmtn]

and I forogt to say:
Learn how to type.  

[hellraiser13-911]

celluloid_dreamer

and I forogt to say:
Learn how to type.

i know how to type....a*****e....i was just ******** you!!!!  

[P Roach]

rikaLeshay

hellraiser13-911

celluloid_dreamer

this sucks

ur mom suks!!!!!......big donkey dik...u a*****e....keep ur lowgrade pice of s**t comments to urself!!!!!!!

lol.i like it

hmm was alright just.. if he says it sucks dont mean u have to sapz out, u can get done by gaia if you swear or break the PG13 rule.

so keep that in mind for next time alright??  

[hellraiser13-911]

P Roach

rikaLeshay

hellraiser13-911

celluloid_dreamer

this sucks

ur mom suks!!!!!......big donkey dik...u a*****e....keep ur lowgrade pice of s**t comments to urself!!!!!!!

lol.i like it

hmm was alright just.. if he says it sucks dont mean u have to sapz out, u can get done by gaia if you swear or break the PG13 rule.

so keep that in mind for next time alright??

o.k...i will  

[emo_sexual]

its alright smile

but just saying... dont yell at the guy who said it sucked.
it may not hav been nice of him, but you said to be truthful, and if that is his opinion, then he was only being truthful.

just saying... smile  

[very merry unbirthday]

Its pretty good and could be turned into something great. Needs a little work though.

I hate it when people come only to critisize. Though you didnt need to get all mad. I usually scare people off after they critisize me blaugh
 

[Drop-Dead-Dinosaur]

not bad nothing copared to what ive written but im not you. and my stuff is pretty much s**t so i like.  

[xXxdevils little girlxXx]

lol sweet  

[Tucker Tegato]

i think u should add somewhere "In the dead of silence the silent make noise"  

[sdfghjklsdfghjskldfghjkls]

Je ne l'aime pas.