Arrange marriages

[kyoslove74]

I just barely talked to my mom and she told me that at my chinese age 18 that I have to get married and I am starting to worry that they will put me in an arrange marriage that I don't want to be in. I want to know your opinion on arrange marriages. I also want to know what is it like being in an arrange marriage? Are you in an arrange marriage? What are the divorce rates for arrange chinese marriages?  

[Minielf]

Are you a native Chinese? Or are your parents traditionalists? My parents don't really care about which girl I decide to marry, so as long as I do after I graduate from uni. If your parents are arranging you to marry someone at 18 then I'd be worried.  

[tamcharles]

I want to avoid an ethnocentric approach to this topic. Of course we can all preach love, free choice and such but there is more to this topic than just that. So let's get some more info first... shall we?

Kysolove74, can you provide more background about your family and it's views? I know that in my case, my parents have been "whitewashed" over the past twenty-plus years in Canada and they know view many things very differently.  

[kyoslove74]

Minielf

Are you a native Chinese? Or are your parents traditionalists? My parents don't really care about which girl I decide to marry, so as long as I do after I graduate from uni. If your parents are arranging you to marry someone at 18 then I'd be worried.

my parents are the first generation and so am I they are from fuzhou they still have the old believes and yes they are native chinese like I am but I really do nto want to marry soemone I don't know at the age 18 I ahve other plans  

[kyoslove74]

tamcharles

I want to avoid an ethnocentric approach to this topic. Of course we can all preach love, free choice and such but there is more to this topic than just that. So let's get some more info first... shall we?

Kysolove74, can you provide more background about your family and it's views? I know that in my case, my parents have been "whitewashed" over the past twenty-plus years in Canada and they know view many things very differently.

my parents are native chinese and they exspect me to marry someone chinese btu they wouldn't tell me if they ahve an arrange marriage arranged they have never mentioned it  

[[priscilla]]

I personally think 18 is a young age to get married at. You're going to still bein school when you're 18... I'm not too sure if you should just go up to your parents and ask about if you're going to get an arranged marriage.
My parents want me to get married after I finish all of my studies.  

[kyoslove74]

[priscilla]

I personally think 18 is a young age to get married at. You're going to still bein school when you're 18... I'm not too sure if you should just go up to your parents and ask about if you're going to get an arranged marriage.
My parents want me to get married after I finish all of my studies.

I don't like that either btu my chinese age is different from my english age  

[Darkaznstargoddess]

Arranged marriages are okay. Two people can learn to love each other. My parents were a arranged marriage and they're still together. Several of my cousin's parents are too and their parents are still together. You can find love that way.

My parents are pretty much like your usual couple. They have their differences but they do care for each other and of course in the end working out the differences. I can say they do love each other,how else do they have four kids together?

Anyways my view on arrange marriage, they can work out in the end if both people try and build the relationship. My parents have agreed not to set me up in a arrangment so I don't have to worry about that. smile

Eighteen sounds like a really early age to get married in some countries but these freshmen that just came from Thailand are married. I'm sure its normal in certain cultures.

(If I'm just going off and on, its probally my mind dealing with jet-leg.)  

[cold_blooded_chick]

Wow, people still force other people into arranged marriages in places where there's internet! surprised  

[kyoslove74]

Darkaznstargoddess

Arranged marriages are okay. Two people can learn to love each other. My parents were a arranged marriage and they're still together. Several of my cousin's parents are too and their parents are still together. You can find love that way.

My parents are pretty much like your usual couple. They have their differences but they do care for each other and of course in the end working out the differences. I can say they do love each other,how else do they have four kids together?

Anyways my view on arrange marriage, they can work out in the end if both people try and build the relationship. My parents have agreed not to set me up in a arrangment so I don't have to worry about that. smile

Eighteen sounds like a really early age to get married in some countries but these freshmen that just came from Thailand are married. I'm sure its normal in certain cultures.

(If I'm just going off and on, its probally my mind dealing with jet-leg.)

its okay I notice that in most arrange marriages that people are still togather and in new york chinatown they still ahve the arrange marriage thing going on, my parents were in an arrange marriage and there still married even though I don't like them and my parents have 4 kids I am one of the 4 kids, soemtiems I think that I will never find one to marry so I decide that I want to eb in an arrange marriage btu I don't know now I ahve a fiance, yea a 18 is an early age  

[kyoslove74]

cold_blooded_chick

Wow, people still force other people into arranged marriages in places where there's internet! surprised

yes that is very true because yuo see the parents want certain things in an arrange marriage. If my marriage with my fiance doesn't work I am going to get an arrange marriage.  

[Darkaznstargoddess]

kyoslove74

Darkaznstargoddess

Arranged marriages are okay. Two people can learn to love each other. My parents were a arranged marriage and they're still together. Several of my cousin's parents are too and their parents are still together. You can find love that way.

My parents are pretty much like your usual couple. They have their differences but they do care for each other and of course in the end working out the differences. I can say they do love each other,how else do they have four kids together?

Anyways my view on arrange marriage, they can work out in the end if both people try and build the relationship. My parents have agreed not to set me up in a arrangment so I don't have to worry about that. smile

Eighteen sounds like a really early age to get married in some countries but these freshmen that just came from Thailand are married. I'm sure its normal in certain cultures.

(If I'm just going off and on, its probally my mind dealing with jet-leg.)

its okay I notice that in most arrange marriages that people are still togather and in new york chinatown they still ahve the arrange marriage thing going on, my parents were in an arrange marriage and there still married even though I don't like them and my parents have 4 kids I am one of the 4 kids, soemtiems I think that I will never find one to marry so I decide that I want to eb in an arrange marriage btu I don't know now I ahve a fiance, yea a 18 is an early age

I'm sure you'll get married, you just need to find the right person. Marriage shouldn't be rushed into or be taken lightly. How well do you know your fiance? I'm sure things will work out well if you both work to build the relationship. ^^

Yeah I understand what you mean about wanting your parents to break up at times. At times I wish that would just happen to mine too but then my worries about how seperation would effect myself and my younger siblings.  

[Salliewalker]

give them time. there are yers for them to change there ideas, in america. or when the time comes, you can always elope XD *cough*  

[kyoslove74]

Darkaznstargoddess

kyoslove74

Darkaznstargoddess

Arranged marriages are okay. Two people can learn to love each other. My parents were a arranged marriage and they're still together. Several of my cousin's parents are too and their parents are still together. You can find love that way.

My parents are pretty much like your usual couple. They have their differences but they do care for each other and of course in the end working out the differences. I can say they do love each other,how else do they have four kids together?

Anyways my view on arrange marriage, they can work out in the end if both people try and build the relationship. My parents have agreed not to set me up in a arrangment so I don't have to worry about that. smile

Eighteen sounds like a really early age to get married in some countries but these freshmen that just came from Thailand are married. I'm sure its normal in certain cultures.

(If I'm just going off and on, its probally my mind dealing with jet-leg.)

its okay I notice that in most arrange marriages that people are still togather and in new york chinatown they still ahve the arrange marriage thing going on, my parents were in an arrange marriage and there still married even though I don't like them and my parents have 4 kids I am one of the 4 kids, soemtiems I think that I will never find one to marry so I decide that I want to eb in an arrange marriage btu I don't know now I ahve a fiance, yea a 18 is an early age

I'm sure you'll get married, you just need to find the right person. Marriage shouldn't be rushed into or be taken lightly. How well do you know your fiance? I'm sure things will work out well if you both work to build the relationship. ^^

Yeah I understand what you mean about wanting your parents to break up at times. At times I wish that would just happen to mine too but then my worries about how seperation would effect myself and my younger siblings.

sights not very well but I hope to knwo him much better, if my relationship doesn't work with him or with one mroe guy I am signing up for an arrange marriage, you make a good point there  

[kyoslove74]

Salliewalker

give them time. there are yers for them to change there ideas, in america. or when the time comes, you can always elope XD *cough*

laughs thank yuo for the advice you made em feel much better