So.

[ffsghyanbh]

I blamed it on having sold my soul to Satan.

But no, I'm no friend of Lucifer, I'm just in his fan-club.

Basically, what I blamed on that, was why I've pretty much hit an emotional rock-bottom. No, this is worse than before. I've become depraved. The guro hentai, that's part of my manifestation of my problems. The calling up friends for (eventual and often regretted) phone sex is part of that, too.

But, the only thing I'm missing here is... the problem.

It's almost like algebra.

Isel+x=sick porn fetishes, regrettable phone sex, extreme depression.
Solve for x.

You don't even have to give me advice, I just want to tell this. I want to get it out. I don't want to bottle it anymore.  

[[Ashes][is][Ashes]]

I'm finding you to be a strange and fascinating person.
Let me know if there's anything that I can do to help, if you ever do need any help.  

[Striped Panties]

Maybe you're sexully frustrated? Or just bored with yourself?
I find that the longer i spend on the computer a day, the more depressed i get throughout the day, so i suggest.
Maybe leaving the pc for a while, and going outside, try to find someone to make friends with and hang out a bit, or even try just sitting in the garden and drawing things? trees, flowers? or maybe try doing avi art? just find something to distract yourself... i find that if i'm home alone, bored i tend to watch more porn than usual... so.. i dunno? just try it?  

[solonley]

porn is not the anwswr for any problem. (i dont know how it could be...)
but everyone is different so every one has there own solutoins to things.
but i think you should find another solution to the problem  

[ffsghyanbh]

Striped Panties

Maybe you're sexully frustrated? Or just bored with yourself?
I find that the longer i spend on the computer a day, the more depressed i get throughout the day, so i suggest.
Maybe leaving the pc for a while, and going outside, try to find someone to make friends with and hang out a bit, or even try just sitting in the garden and drawing things? trees, flowers? or maybe try doing avi art? just find something to distract yourself... i find that if i'm home alone, bored i tend to watch more porn than usual... so.. i dunno? just try it?

Well, there's not many places to go, since I live in an area of the city that isn't very residential, and everyone who lives here is either too old to have kids or too young to have kids that I'd wanna hang out with.

The only thing to do in my garden is avoid stepping in the dog s**t that's all over the place-- i live in a condominium complex, Atlanta is in the top 3 cities in the country for dog ownership, etc.

I don't like looking at normal porn, though, I just can't get my jollies from looking at people that aren't feeling pain (be it physical or emotional).

Thank you, though...  

[ffsghyanbh]

[Ashes][is][Ashes]

I'm finding you to be a strange and fascinating person.
Let me know if there's anything that I can do to help, if you ever do need any help.

Thank you... that's very kind of you to say.  

[Striped Panties]

Isel -yamashi no kyo-

Striped Panties

Maybe you're sexully frustrated? Or just bored with yourself?
I find that the longer i spend on the computer a day, the more depressed i get throughout the day, so i suggest.
Maybe leaving the pc for a while, and going outside, try to find someone to make friends with and hang out a bit, or even try just sitting in the garden and drawing things? trees, flowers? or maybe try doing avi art? just find something to distract yourself... i find that if i'm home alone, bored i tend to watch more porn than usual... so.. i dunno? just try it?

Well, there's not many places to go, since I live in an area of the city that isn't very residential, and everyone who lives here is either too old to have kids or too young to have kids that I'd wanna hang out with.

The only thing to do in my garden is avoid stepping in the dog s**t that's all over the place-- i live in a condominium complex, Atlanta is in the top 3 cities in the country for dog ownership, etc.

I don't like looking at normal porn, though, I just can't get my jollies from looking at people that aren't feeling pain (be it physical or emotional).

Thank you, though...

ok, well, your personal preference of porn had nothing to do with me ^_^
But i would advise that you tried to spend less time at the computer
Is there not a shopping mall or something of the like that you could go to?
If not, why don't you try getting a job? It can be helpfull in many ways, first off, it would distract you from things and get you out of the house; you could end up meeting people there, either as friends or for a relationship; and, of course, it would give you that extra money.
It's just a suggestion, i love to try to help
Robyn
xxx  

[[Ashes][is][Ashes]]

Isel -yamashi no kyo-

[Ashes][is][Ashes]

I'm finding you to be a strange and fascinating person.
Let me know if there's anything that I can do to help, if you ever do need any help.

Thank you... that's very kind of you to say.

*Shrugs*
Not just saying it, I also mean it.  

[Rellik San]

Depression is probably down to the inability to act out your fantasy scenario, of being with someone who is either physically, mentally or emotionally tortured, because that is how, you yourself feel. Resulting in the delusion that no one can be worse of, or understand you as well as you wish, but of course because of that affliction, you don't like to let people in to discuss these issues as you see it as a pointless waste of your time, essentially, your depressed, because you not getting any from a relationship involving an emotionally fragile person, and that you seem to have formed this strong egotistical view, whether conscious or unconscious, the view is there.

Well thats just an objective view, not meant to be really comforting, or to be offensive, but clinical in a way to hopefully offer you insight.  

[ffsghyanbh]

Rellik San

Depression is probably down to the inability to act out your fantasy scenario, of being with someone who is either physically, mentally or emotionally tortured, because that is how, you yourself feel. Resulting in the delusion that no one can be worse of, or understand you as well as you wish, but of course because of that affliction, you don't like to let people in to discuss these issues as you see it as a pointless waste of your time, essentially, your depressed, because you not getting any from a relationship involving an emotionally fragile person, and that you seem to have formed this strong egotistical view, whether conscious or unconscious, the view is there.

Well thats just an objective view, not meant to be really comforting, or to be offensive, but clinical in a way to hopefully offer you insight.

That helps me more than you think

I'm gonna give this "wanting to be with someone" thing one more go. And if it doesn't work, I'm gonna basically stop making all the first moves.

I'm gonna start playing the black pieces soon.  

[[Ashes][is][Ashes]]

I found that...surrounding yourself with people, or keeping at least one person close to you helps with emotional buildup. It doesn't mean you have to let someone completely into your life, heart, and mind.
Not sure if this helps any.  

[Hikaru Akumu]

Ashes? Have I told you how ******** much I love you for your blunt answers and you just being you and saying the damned truth? <333 Just had to mention that.

Perhaps you're a misanthrope? You don't know how to handle people when you initiate so then, you end up with something similar to this or so. That's my guess. My dad is a Misanthrope. Doesn't socialize with anyone unless absolutely nessecary. Right now, I have no answers.

But I have to agree with Ashes on everything she said. And Rellik-san...All true s**t there. Just follow it through. Possibly.

Sometimes it is good to not have to initiate things. x]  

[[Ashes][is][Ashes]]

Um...no, I don't think I've been told that at all, actually.
I love being loved.
And I really do try to help.  

[-Isel-]

Everything's getting worse

now, not only do I hurt people unintentionally who never tell me they're hurt, but my friends are dying now  

[[Ashes][is][Ashes]]

Dying? What??
As for the hurting people...I hate that. I've done that. I just kept my mouth shut for a while, and things sort of blew over.