Epic quotes (Screw cleanliness, it's no holds barred, now)

[ChainsawDooM]

"If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button."  

[ChainsawDooM]

how's life?
it's ok for a fiber filled oat square covered in cinnamin, but personally, I prefer Frosted Flakes... why do you ask?  

[ChainsawDooM]

BlackDeth: have you ever tasted your own j**z?
no
or anybody elses j**z for that matter
i've shot j**z in my eye
but i wasn't aiming
so i dont feel as bad
sure you werent
no i mean there was somebody else at the controls
did he apologize  

[ChainsawDooM]

hey i could get ven to install that saturn modchip that i got him to send me last year
ven?
who is ven?
he means VeNoM
see when you like someone you abreviate their name - that's why I always call you travolta  

[ChainsawDooM]

when i look back on what i just did to my dog i no longer wonder why i have no friends
what did you do to the poor thing
i took an empty cup and put it on my mouth and inhaled, therefore sticking it to my face
then i jumped up at down at my dog
waving my arms
and making bird sounds
...  

[ChainsawDooM]

You know what I want to do? I want to go on eBay and buy all the
souvenier pieces of the Berlin wall, then reconstruct it along the Mexican border  

[ChainsawDooM]

we thought about catching a duck and cocking it razz
cocking
you sick f***s
cooking
COOKING I SAY  

[ChainsawDooM]

ok I can't ******** win today
ATM eats my card
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conlusio_> Staples stopped shipping UPS for this week due to 'retraining due to shipping a hazardous container'
and everyone ******** bails on me in the middle of my rant sad
I knew I was bitching but jeezus
....  

[ChainsawDooM]

tigeraid: another baby?
tigeraid: jesus christ lady it's a v****a, not a clown car  

[ChainsawDooM]

i broke my leg
masturbating is evil
<[Slaryn> O_O I hope to god those two incidents weren't related  

[ChainsawDooM]

Drahmen: I unbutton your blouse and start to massage your brest.
Higgs23: I moan and start to undo your pants.
Drahmen: Wait a minute...This is the wrong window.
Higgs23: I noticed.
Drahmen: WTF dude?
Higgs23: I felt like playing along.  

[ChainsawDooM]

Well. I'mma go shower and then go pick up my friend from jail.
I'll be back later.
ask him how big his a**s is
He's a big dude, no one's going to f*** with him.
ask him how many other people he's cornholed
lol
He's been in jail for roughly 5 hours.
And he has a girlfriend.
I'm betting on a grand total of six.  

[ChainsawDooM]

I'm on a unix based operating system which means i get laid as many times as I have to restart my computer
same, but i run windows  

[ChainsawDooM]

~ _raven is Away. [Reason: out. like a boner in sweat pants.]  

[ChainsawDooM]

Weee
some hot chicks asked if I wanted to go to the bar with them
and drink
and dance
i said no
because star trek is on