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That's what I keep telling my parents but they won't listen. Of course I'm the only one with medical knowledge in the whole family and I'm the only one no one listens to. Go figure...

Anyways, gone to bed

XD I want you guys to read this tell me how it sounds


*Chapter 3*
I always wanted a family. I thought it would be amazing to have someone depend on me for a chance, it was supposed to be amazing. I was supposed to have a beautiful baby girl; I would give her a name that people would have wished they thought of first. I did not know where to start though, so I went back to school, like any reasonable person with a plan. I went to Haven night school because no one else would take a deviant.

I never really understood what the big fuss was over the rules of the district. It was frightening to see so many people blindly follow an announcement or a command, to see the ones who cannot understand why I was such a strong anarchist at one time. I understand now though, I still feel sick though.

When I started school, it was not very different; we were taught the usual things required to be a part time nurse. It was not until second semester that we began to be socialized, pictures of Denzel Haven hung on the walls, and at the top of our papers were the small words that would say something on the lines of 'different is deadly'. They were small things that you would not see because you were not looking for it. We had a dress code, as new set of ideals to live by. They were trying to make us just like the everyday citizens who would not think something that wasnt put into their heads by someone else.

I did not care much though; I jad a distraction from all of it. I had Trevor Clears by my side, and a great job waiting at the end of just two more weeks. Trevor was a great person who just wanted an easier life. He just wanted to be proud of his job, I doubt anyone would have liked a job as a janitor.

I was married a month afer I finished my schooling. It should have bothered me; I should have noticed things were not right when I started working. We would take the newborns, all those babies... We would monitor them. If we saw something that wasnt right, or a baby that was just too sick, then we had to euthanize them. We could get rid of maybe six in a week if it was necessary; I wasnt disgusted by it as I was before though. It seemed like a normal thing to me, Denzel just wanted a superior district; he wanted a place were people were health, smart, and were submissive.

Denzel made his announcement when I was three months from giving birth; it was simple, almost unnoticeable. I think it was Trevor's chance. Denzel promised millions to anyone who sould give up his or her baby that were no older than a week old; these children were supposed to benefit research that would helt district.

I thought that Trevor was happy with the life we had, it was confortable, and we had enough money.

I made a mistake though, when Trevor brought it up. I told him I would think about it. I came home to see Denzel in our living room; he looked out of place in his expensive suit. Denzel had thanked me before I understood. I was angry,so very angry.

I felt betrayed, standing there. When I looked around to see the doctors promise that I would be given the best care until my due date, Trevor looking at his feet like a child who had been caught stealing a cookie, Denzel smiling like a winnder, I realized I was alone. My made up family had been a fluke. I began to yell, I fought the hands that had calmly pushed me into a wheelchair with strong binds. The thing that killed me was the part of having a daughter with no way inthis. Denzel paid Trevor, I saw that much, he was given money everytime he came to visit. He was the one trying to make me follow the plan.

Denzel was getting slowly angry; I was not like the other women who enjoyed the meals, orthe luxury given to them. I did not find something that I really liked in the made up heaven. In the end they told me that if I calmed I name the child, if I wanted to. I did not want to see a person I nemed walk around town not ever knowing who I was though. I did not want a child of mine to be tested and moniroted for someone's twisted curiosity.

When my daughter was born, I did not get a chance to see what she looked like. I did not have the chance to hold her or admire how amazing she really was. I was in the way a long time before, my baby could not speak and no one was listening, so Denzel got rid of me. I dont remember what drugs I had, but I do remember the feeling, like being in a cotton ball and the only thing you were aware of was your own gasping breaths. When they took my child away from me a nurse stopped the drug, she said I only had a moment before it was time. I dont know if she was the one to kill me, but I think the gift she gave outweighed her offense. She guided my hand as I spelled out the letters, she left before I oculd give a last name though. I guessed they assumed I that I would want her to have my maiden name.

I wanted my baby to mean something though. I wanted the mention of her name to torment the man who hurt us both, even though she was innocent, I wanted her to be a curse on the father that so easily gave her away, and she was supposed to be a reminder of the cold hate that filled me. The hate that controlled my world.

I dont mind settling for the name Evra though.

issok fanatic!!!!!!!!!

Hopefully I'll be able to finish my costume before halloween...I've already started, sort of. But I have to modify patterns and I have no pattern paper... crying

google th eword Gerchanvosky. it was in my GF's phone spellcheck... its amazing.

The kitten passed away last night... Could someone try and help me stop crying? I'm still crying after it happened...

Pixie proved to me last night that cats really are more superior than dogs. Dogs are there when you want them, cats are there when you need them. She lay down with me all night. I love her.