[FIN] Broken Bonds

[BlackFireKitsune]

"Ah, one or two, yeah," he ceded, his frown returning. Though he didn't want to elongate his turn unnecessarily or push Zevran's turn back, he had prompted him to ask further, so... What to ask though? Even if he didn't have a pretty good idea of what the Crows did just from what little he'd heard, he didn't want to ask, both because he figured Zev wouldn't tell him and also he.. kind of didn't want to know.

With a question finally in mind, Abel leaned closer to press a kiss to the top of the shorter blond's head. "How old were you when they recruited you?" Was it even recruitment? Zevran didn't always seem to know the proper words in english but he also hadn't seemed quite satisfied with the word he'd chosen.  

[TawnyAngel]

Ah. Mmmh. Well, Abel was probably not going to like this. Zevran shifted down in the bed a little in order to rest his head on Abel's shoulder and once settled sipped carefully at his wine, it was slightly awkward to drink at this angle and he didn't want to spill any on his friend. "I was seven if I recall correctly, they like to take their recruits young so that they can train and educate them into the perfect tools." Zevran gave a slightly bitter sounding laugh at this statement. "It is undeniably effective." He had been a very good tool indeed and he had been proud of that. He didn't know what he felt about it now.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

Abel blinked rapidly a few times as he tried to process this information. "You were... what?"

Seven. He'd been seven. Amelia had only been seven.

They liked to take them young -- the better to train them into useful, obedient little tools.

"What the <********> What kind of organization...! No, he knew exactly what kind of organization would do such a thing, though that didn't alleviate the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. He felt sick and his heart hurt. It hurt and at the moment he wasn't completely sure exactly why it hurt this terribly. "What the ********," he repeated, making an effort not to raise his voice lest Taavi hear, and trying not to move too much to disturb his friend as he gestured vaguely with his glass. "You were just a kid! Do they just go ******** find kids and take them or something? What about your family?" He had so many questions now and they flowed out without hesitation or thought, their more innocent game of questions and answers forgotten for the moment in the face of this unpleasant revelation.

He'd only been seven.  

[TawnyAngel]

While he had expected Abel not to like it he hadn't expected his friend's response to be quite so strong as it was. "Ahh..." Zevran sought for words but they all seemed to have been driven from his mind though he wasn't quite sure why. He pressed a little closer to Abel and reached up with his free hand to rub gentle circles on the back of his friend's neck.

"Dead," he began again eventually, "dead or gone at least. My mother died not long after I was born, my father I am told died while my mother was pregnant but I think chances are even that he simply left. The Crows take children nobody will miss or make arrangements for them not to be missed. I had been raised by acquaintances of my mother - officially by one but that is a different story - but times were hard and... Well, they were well compensated and I think they believed they were sending me to a better life than I would otherwise have had. They were not bad people, they were merely distracted by their own troubles." He couldn't blame them for that and if he had stayed where he had been where would he be now? Quite possibly in a gutter somewhere, alive or dead or somewhere in between.

After a pause Zevran added; "I am sorry if I have upset you." Perhaps he ought to have lied or refused to answer.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

Distracted though he was by the explanation, he didn't miss the way Zevran seemed to snuggle closer, the way he tried to assuage his anger, to apologize for something that wasn't even his fault. Before he trusted himself to reply, Abel took a deep breath, held it for a few moments, and let it out in a long, slow sigh. "You didn't upset me," he said reassuringly, his tones considerably gentler than they had been a few moments ago, as he set his wine glass down on his nightstand. With nothing to distract him that might spill all over his bed and make a mess now, the taller blond wrapped an arm around Zev's shoulders and drew him close, while his other hand reached up to cup his cheek and gently brush his thumb over his skin. He kissed the top of his head again. "Thank you for telling me, I'm glad you did. What upsets me is their methods, that they'd just.. take or buy children for those reasons, but that isn't really important anymore. What matters is you left. You left and you're here now, but I'm still sorry you had to go through all of that. I... It doesn't sound like it was easy or even remotely pleasant."  

[TawnyAngel]

When Abel wrapped an arm close around him and reached up to cup his face and caress his skin Zevran closed his eyes and let out a soft sigh. He had left. At the time he had thought that doing so would surely result in his death and at the time he would have welcome it but not any longer. There was life outside the Crows and it was full of things, of people he had never thought he could do or grow close to.

Eventually Zevran gave a dry laugh and tried to stretch over to put his glass down beside Abel's. "Well it was not exactly filled with trips to the fair and pony rides and gifts of puppies, no. As you say however that is in the past now, the Crows no doubt think me long dead and so in turn they can be dead to me." Forgetting the past was easier said than done but that was not so important if you focused on the present; Abel's arms were warm, Abel cared about him- about him not about what he could do. "Thank you, for listening." That was another thing in fact, he wasn't used to being encouraged to talk like this. Share important information relating for a mission or share a joke, sharing like this would be unthinkable.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

As Zevran stretched over him to set his glass down, Abel took full advantage of the opportunity presented to him. His hand dropped from Zevran's face to his shoulder and his fingers trailed down the length of his arm to curl around his hand once the glass was gone, then lifted it so he could place a gentle kiss on the inside of Zev's wrist. "Good, they can stay that way," he said quite happily as he let go of Zevran's hand so he could instead lean particularly close enough to wrap both arms around him snugly, then moved to pull him into his lap for a much better cuddling position. "You're welcome for listening, and thank you for sharing. I know my turn's gone on long enough, but can I ask one more question?"  

[TawnyAngel]

Oh. That was different. Zevran blinked and looked at the spot on his wrist Abel had just kissed, shifting himself helpfully so as to move into his friend's lap by reflex. His skin seemed to tingle slightly where Abel's lips had been. It wasn't as though nobody had ever kissed his wrist before - he'd been kissed pretty much everwhere, even the rather hard to reach places - the gesture had just seemed so... Kind.

"Ah?" Zevran said distractedly as he pulled his mind back to the conversation and tried to process what Abel had said; he wished to ask something else. "Oh, certainly, ask away." Back in the present, and pushing the kiss to his wrist out of his mind, Zevran shifted into a slightly more comfortable position and slid his arms around Abel's neck.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

With his friend in his lap, Abel shifted a bit before he grabbed the blankets and pulled them up over Zevran - or partially over him, anyway - and then wrapped his arms around the shorter blond's waist over the blankets to secure them in place. "I'm pretty sure I know the answer already, but I figured I'd ask anyway." He kissed Zev's forehead softly to give himself another moment or two to figure out phrasing before he spoke again. "I'm gonna assume that you pretty much lived wherever it was, and probably did whatever they asked or told you to do since you were little. Is that why you have trouble deciding things for yourself?" It seemed a reasonable enough assumption to make based on what he'd learned, now and from past conversations, but for some reason he wanted to be sure. His heart still ached after learning about his friend's unfortunate past -- and that wasn't even all of it, because he knew perfectly well that he hadn't learned everything.  

[TawnyAngel]

"What?" Zevran looked up at Abel with a slight frown. "I don't- I'm perfectly capable of deciding things!..." Although he had spoken with certainty Zevran's expression swiftly became uncertain as he actually thought about what he'd just said. Mostly he was deciding things right now by avoiding making decisions, wasn't he? He wasn't trying to leave the warehouse or find a stable income, and then there was the shopping incident that Abel was all too aware of. "That is..." Zevran seemed to shrink in on himself and shrugged awkwardly. "Perhaps. Probably. I had not given it any thought really but it is true they do not encourage independent thought outside of ways to achieve an objective.... Do you find it very obvious? Besides the shopping I mean." Did he do things without realising them? Try to defer to others for decisions?  

[BlackFireKitsune]

"Ah, sorry; maybe I didn't phrase that as well as I could've," he admitted somewhat sheepishly. s**t, he hadn't offended or upset him, had he? But he didn't seem that upset about it, so maybe it was okay... Still, Abel gave the shorter blond a gentle squeeze and rested his cheek atop his fine blond hair. "I didn't before you started telling me more about yourself, though the shopping thing was a big tip-off. I don't think it's obvious, no, so don't worry about it too much." No, encouraging independent, critical thinking was probably low on their list of objectives for new recruits. Young, impressionable recruits. "You know if you ever need any help with anything, decisions or whatever it is, you know I'd be more than happy to help, yeah?"  

[TawnyAngel]

He didn't want to live in the warehouse anymore; it was freezing, dirty, and lonely. He didn't want to do anything about leaving it either though, too many things he would have to deal with but Abel was offering help....

"I... yes, I think I do know that," Zevran replied softly. It was strange to think about but he believed it, he just didn't want to admit how much he hated the situation he had got himself into not after he had insisted so often that it was fine. "Thank you Abel. You... you are a good friend. I have said it before but I feel it worth saying again." Abel had given him a lot and never asked for anything in return, in fact he had often tried to turn away repayment or help offered in return when he needed it himself. "And ah... if I can ever do anything to help you, I would be just as happy to help you." Maybe it didn't need saying but he felt as though it did.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

At least Zev knew that he would always be here to help. He wasn't sure if his friend would feel comfortable asking for that help, but the least he could do was remind him that it was there if he needed it. "You're a good friend too," he replied without hesitation as a warm smile spread across his face, and he wrapped his arms a bit more snugly around the shorter blond. Yes, he could stay like this for a while... this was nice. "And did you forget? You've helped me so much already. I meant it when I said things would've ended much differently if you weren't there to help me the other night." Much, much differently. Much, much worse.

"Ah, I think our question game got a little side-tracked." Abel's expression and voice turned a bit sheepish, mostly because he knew perfectly well that he'd been the one to side-track it. "Did you have any other questions for me?"  

[TawnyAngel]

Zevran chuckled softly as his mood started to lift again; he lifted his chin too and kissed Abel's jaw and then snuggled more closely against him. "And you have me; when I was attacked by my dear knife bird and that time I was drugged to name but two. The latter would certainly have ended differently for me too had you not been there so we remind one another of support that has already been offered and given, yes?"

Ahh, questions. Well Abel had asked some quite probing ones so maybe it was safe for him to do so too now. "The other night, seen as you mention it; it seemed to me that you recognised Patty's full name. Is this so, and if you did how did you know it?"  

[BlackFireKitsune]

And you have me.

The words held a different meaning, he knew that, and yet his heart skipped a beat all the same. "Yes, I suppose that's true," he ceded with a smile and a kiss to Zevran's forehead again. Both memories left him feeling uncomfortable, mostly the latter, and mostly because he knew there was a distinct possibility that he may not have seen Zevran again after that had he not been there to help him.

"Ah, yeah." That. Well, he really shouldn't be surprised that Zev was curious about certain details from that night. Well, he could more or less answer that without revealing too much, so... "I did recognize it, yeah. I... never knew her before, but I'd heard of her. I never knew how she obtained what information she had on me, but hearing her name and realizing where I knew it from told me what had been bugging me the past two years."