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Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 1:45 am
Betman T, I hope you don't want to get published, then. =/ What about as a play write?
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Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 1:49 am
auS-e-Dude Betman T, I hope you don't want to get published, then. =/ What about as a play write? The problem is that it isn't a play.
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Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 1:51 am
Look.
This is an example of it.Quote: A few minutes later, the four fighters took their seats in the audience section of the 9th arena. “Ah, now this is more like it!” Kayin said. “Not like the cheap nosebleed seats out there.” Sofia: “I believe that’s because people pay more to view these fights here.” Eiji: “Then what’re we doing here? We didn’t pay.” Irritated, she said, “That’s because we’re the ones they’re paying to see!” Ellis: “Look! I can see him! It’s T!” It's not like I'd put it in constantly. Just usually when there's a back and forth between at least more then two people.
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Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 1:57 am
TtheHero Look.
This is an example of it.Quote: A few minutes later, the four fighters took their seats in the audience section of the 9th arena. “Ah, now this is more like it!” Kayin said. “Not like the cheap nosebleed seats out there.” Sofia: “I believe that’s because people pay more to view these fights here.” Eiji: “Then what’re we doing here? We didn’t pay.” Irritated, she said, “That’s because we’re the ones they’re paying to see!” Ellis: “Look! I can see him! It’s T!” It's not like I'd put it in constantly. Just usually when there's a back and forth between at least more then two people. It doesn't get boring in literature because there's more than just the back and forth going on. Put description between the people. It's still a bad style to have.
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Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 2:02 am
So then this looks favorable? Quote: Eiji said, “Looks like you were shooting the breeze with him, too, Ellis.” “Too?” She wondered. “What do you mean?” Kayin said, “We all had a chat with him, after our matches.” “Really?” “That’s right,” Eiji said. I talked to him about training.” “The two of us were lookin’ at another match,” said Kayin. Sofia added, “He shared his ice cream with me.” “Hm…” As they wondered about me, they suddenly heard the bell go off, signaling the next A Block match. Looking up at the bell, Kayin said, “Well, looks like he’s up again.” My "having to explian things all the time" feelig feels like it kicks in. Like I want to let someone know who's saying what THAT badly and to the point.
I guess it's somewhat plain to see that “Really?” and “Hm…” are spoken by Ellis, then.
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Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 2:04 am
TtheHero So then this looks favorable? Quote: Eiji said, “Looks like you were shooting the breeze with him, too, Ellis.” “Too?” She wondered. “What do you mean?” Kayin said, “We all had a chat with him, after our matches.” “Really?” “That’s right,” Eiji said. I talked to him about training.” “The two of us were lookin’ at another match,” said Kayin. Sofia added, “He shared his ice cream with me.” “Hm…” As they wondered about me, they suddenly heard the bell go off, signaling the next A Block match. Looking up at the bell, Kayin said, “Well, looks like he’s up again.” My "having to explian things all the time" feelig feels like it kicks in. Like I want to let someone know who's saying what THAT badly and to the point.
I guess it's somewhat plain to see that “Really?” and “Hm…” are spoken by Ellis, then. I don't see Ellis' name in there at all. How would i know he's saying ANYTHING?
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Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 2:10 am
Betman TtheHero So then this looks favorable? Quote: Eiji said, “Looks like you were shooting the breeze with him, too, Ellis.” “Too?” She wondered. “What do you mean?” Kayin said, “We all had a chat with him, after our matches.” “Really?” “That’s right,” Eiji said. I talked to him about training.” “The two of us were lookin’ at another match,” said Kayin. Sofia added, “He shared his ice cream with me.” “Hm…” As they wondered about me, they suddenly heard the bell go off, signaling the next A Block match. Looking up at the bell, Kayin said, “Well, looks like he’s up again.” My "having to explian things all the time" feelig feels like it kicks in. Like I want to let someone know who's saying what THAT badly and to the point.
I guess it's somewhat plain to see that “Really?” and “Hm…” are spoken by Ellis, then. I don't see Ellis' name in there at all. How would i know he's saying ANYTHING? I guess I have to pick and choose even more where I should describe something, or to let the reader assume the obvious.
Is it normal to lack faith in another's ability to get something, or is this feeling of mine from one time too many having to explain to a lunkheaded gangsta wannabe highschooler what the word 'complicated' means...
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Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 2:13 am
TtheHero Betman TtheHero So then this looks favorable? Quote: Eiji said, “Looks like you were shooting the breeze with him, too, Ellis.” “Too?” She wondered. “What do you mean?” Kayin said, “We all had a chat with him, after our matches.” “Really?” “That’s right,” Eiji said. I talked to him about training.” “The two of us were lookin’ at another match,” said Kayin. Sofia added, “He shared his ice cream with me.” “Hm…” As they wondered about me, they suddenly heard the bell go off, signaling the next A Block match. Looking up at the bell, Kayin said, “Well, looks like he’s up again.” My "having to explian things all the time" feelig feels like it kicks in. Like I want to let someone know who's saying what THAT badly and to the point.
I guess it's somewhat plain to see that “Really?” and “Hm…” are spoken by Ellis, then. I don't see Ellis' name in there at all. How would i know he's saying ANYTHING? I guess I have to pick and choose even more where I should describe something, or to let the reader assume the obvious.
Is it normal to lack faith in another's ability to get something, or is this feeling of mine from one time too many having to explain to a lunkheaded gangsta wannabe highschooler what the word 'complicated' means... I can't tell what you're trying to say here.
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Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 2:22 am
Betman TtheHero Betman TtheHero So then this looks favorable? Quote: Eiji said, “Looks like you were shooting the breeze with him, too, Ellis.” “Too?” She wondered. “What do you mean?” Kayin said, “We all had a chat with him, after our matches.” “Really?” “That’s right,” Eiji said. I talked to him about training.” “The two of us were lookin’ at another match,” said Kayin. Sofia added, “He shared his ice cream with me.” “Hm…” As they wondered about me, they suddenly heard the bell go off, signaling the next A Block match. Looking up at the bell, Kayin said, “Well, looks like he’s up again.” My "having to explian things all the time" feelig feels like it kicks in. Like I want to let someone know who's saying what THAT badly and to the point.
I guess it's somewhat plain to see that “Really?” and “Hm…” are spoken by Ellis, then. I don't see Ellis' name in there at all. How would i know he's saying ANYTHING? I guess I have to pick and choose even more where I should describe something, or to let the reader assume the obvious.
Is it normal to lack faith in another's ability to get something, or is this feeling of mine from one time too many having to explain to a lunkheaded gangsta wannabe highschooler what the word 'complicated' means... I can't tell what you're trying to say here. Okay. Put simply, I worry.
I worry that when I say something, they are not going to understand it, even when I break it down to the simplest way possible.
Its happened one too many times in highschool, almost to the point I lose hope in humanity.
But I realize that this is not the case everywhere, so I try to remind myself that not all people are so thickheaded. Left on their own, I am sure they can understand what's thrown at them.
In fact in terms of my stories this is how it started.
When typing them initiall, I knew people would not know exactly who was speaking when, so to fix that I colorized all my text. each line is colors in that of the speaker favorite color.
But then after discovering fanfiction.net, and the fact that you can;t see ANY color except black, I took the notion of puttin all names before the speech.
I guess upon knowing what format it actualy was can understand why some kept being taken off the site. (script hating sons of...).
And so now I must seek to fix that. To be accepted in fanfiction.net to be acceoted by literary enthusiasts. To be accepted everywhere!
Well. I'm going to keep at it. I'll take your word for it that its not repetive. I'll perfect it yet.
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Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 2:25 am
There's a point where you're letting the reader create their idea of your world, and then there's just the point where you're not giving enough to form a world. I don't think you're giving enough to form a world. Talk about the world itself; trees, grass, landscapes, features. It all goes a long way.
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Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 2:28 am
i luk gud rite?
EDIT: how bout nao? :3
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Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 2:32 am
Betman There's a point where you're letting the reader create their idea of your world, and then there's just the point where you're not giving enough to form a world. I don't think you're giving enough to form a world. Talk about the world itself; trees, grass, landscapes, features. It all goes a long way. Right, right, otherwise it'll seem like people speaking in a blank room. Be more descriptive. Got it.
Well, the sun's rising. I should get to sleep.
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Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 2:59 am
I AM GOD TIER DEFENSIVE ******** YOUR MACHINES, I AM SUPERIOR TO THEM IN EVERY WAY
WHERES MY SANDVITCH?!
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Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 3:23 am
People should check out the gallery.
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Posted: Sun May 24, 2009 3:31 am
Decavolty I AM GOD TIER DEFENSIVE ******** YOUR MACHINES, I AM SUPERIOR TO THEM IN EVERY WAY WHERES MY SANDVITCH?! -prepares a sandvitch- :3 -takes a bite and hands it over- Yeah, I did it. I bit your sandvitch. Why? I was hungry too, and I just put the mayo back into the fridge! [/whine]
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