Corrupt A Wish (C'mon... you know you want to...)

[Zahzi]

Granted. DEATH!

I wish I didn't wake up so early today..  

[Sielent]

Granted, you wake up early for the rest of your life.

I wish I wasn't given death.  

[Randomly Gone Insane]

Granted. You come back to life as a zombie.

I wish I had something to eat.  

[Zahzi]

Granted. EAT BRAINS WITH SIELENT!

I wish I had a shotgun now..  

[Sielent]

Granted. You have no ammo, Randomly Gone Insane and I eat your brains out and turn you into a zombie.

I wish for a pet.  

[Zahzi]

Granted. The Lion then mauls your Zombie-a**.

I wish for a bandaid!  

[Randomly Gone Insane]

Granted. It's put your lips so you can't talk anymore nor feed on brains.

I wish to be human again.  

[Sielent]

Granted, zombies attack your new human flesh and you turn back into a zombie.

I wish for all this zombie stuff to be over.  

[Zahzi]

Granted. NUKES!

I wish Fallout happens!  

[Randomly Gone Insane]

Granted.
You become a feral ghoul and get killed by a wastelander.

I wish to survive to Fallout, WITHOUT turning into a ghoul.  

[Zahzi]

Granted.
RAIDERS FIND AND MURDER YOU!

I wish I was a Super Mutant...  

[Randomly Gone Insane]

Granted.
But you're a retarded one and you die from a lucky wastelander.

I wish I had a sexy cowboy.  

[Zahzi]

Granted. But the last one died a hundred years ago. Here's his casket.

I wish it was still cold..  

[Sielent]

Granted. You land on top of a mountain with no gear.

I wish for teleportation powers.  

[Randomly Gone Insane]

Granted. But you can't control your powers and you eventually end up killing yourself when you teleport right in front of a speeding vehicle.

I wish I had a LIVING sexy cowboy from the old west time.