Moonie's Ramblings

[Prof. Moonie]

Good afternoon! I'm just putting away laundry right now.  

[Prof. Moonie]

Blah... it's so hot today! xd Already 80 degree something!  

[Prof. Moonie]

I should probably go outside and enjoy the sunshine, rather than sit around here in the house. Especially since I already took care of the things I wanted to - my homework and put away laundry. Though I still need to write in my journal... hmm... but it's too warm for me to think about writing in my journal. So I'll do that later. Maybe before I go to sleep, I can do my journal.  

[Prof. Moonie]

I never realized that the same artist that did the music for Avatar was the same person who did the music for Titanic, Jumanji, and various other films I recognize. surprised  

[Prof. Moonie]

I'm going to go outside for a bit. So later.  

[Prof. Moonie]

I'm back from being outside. Didn't really do much. Just chatted with my Dad, and took some pictures of the flowers around our property. *shrugs*  

[Prof. Moonie]

At least I came back to find that I got a response from the Writing Center, so at least I took care of the Writing Center tutor requirement for my essay. Now I just need to go back through my essay and revise it, according to what the tutor said.  

[Prof. Moonie]

*starts working on the revision of her paper*  

[Prof. Moonie]

"...I would urge you be more specific in your claim. You have mentioned specific people and places in the paper. If you locate this specificity in your claim, it may help you to pinpoint a more intriguing or controversial claim."

Hmm... he's got a point. I do seem to go all over the place with topics. I go on with talking about the salmon and the importance in their culture... and then go on about the rest of their diet... and then mention the White peoples' lust for these resources.

I think I should just focus on the salmon, and forget about the rest of the food items. Especially since I can talk more about the Dams that were built, which resulted in the drowning of several areas where the natives resided... and got rid of the areas where the tribe traditionally fished.  

[Prof. Moonie]

"The second part of a good thesis is the "so what." By asking "so what?" of your claim, you begin to see how the claim can/is grounded in a bigger context... Some things to think about: "why is this claim important to my reader? What do I want the reader to do with the info I've provided? What are the greater implications of my claim?"

Why is the White man's interference important to the reader? It gives more of an outlook to our history. It allows us to learn that our ancestors were unsympathetic to another cultures' traditions or land they lived on/by. That white people thought they could take whatever land they wanted, build whatever they wanted, and that everyone else had to "adapt" to the change, and not try to fight it.

I guess in a way I want readers to take this lesson and realize that they need to think about their actions before they do it - how it will affect not only themselves but others around them? If it will affect others badly, what will they do to change that? Will the reader not do such action, or will them compromise with others to make sure there is beneficial results for both sides?  

[Prof. Moonie]

Original introduction

“What I love most about rivers is: You can’t step in the same river twice. The water’s always changing, always flowing” (Pocahontas). Much like the historical and fictional tribe that the legendary Pocahontas lived with, for hundreds of years the Chinook tribe, sometimes referred to as the “Cascades people,” relied heavily on the rivers and ocean for food and resources (Caldbick). However, their peaceful residence among the other neighboring tribes became disrupted when European and American settlers came into the area. As a result of the White settlers desire for the tribal peoples’ resources, the Chinooks, as well as many other tribes, lost the land they once inhabited, the resources they relied on, and resulted in the “extinction” of the tribe.  

[Prof. Moonie]

Let's start off with a bit of a brainstorming sort of session...

The Chinook people, sometimes referred to as the "Cascades People", relied heavily on the rivers and oceans that they resided by. It was here that they got much of their food, especially seafood such as salmon. Salmon was considered a major part of the Chinooks culture. In fact, during the beginning of the fishing season for salmon, there was a Salmon ceremony. The first salmon caught was taken back to the village to be cut according to tradition, cooked before the sunset of the day it was caught, shared and consumed by the tribe, and the remains would be placed back in the river ((never thrown in the river or to the dogs)). This was because the Chinooks believed salmon to be a form of people from the sea. If the salmon received respect during this ceremony, it would return ((the remains)) to its people and tell of the respect it received - thus saying they should return the following year. No respect, no salmon the next year. White settlers started arriving, building their residence along the river as well, relying on the same resources as the tribal people in the area. Soon, dams were being built, usually located in areas where the tribal people traditionally fished. The dams often flooded areas where tribal people resided - sometimes killing people. There was no "meeting in the middle" suggestions from the whites, and they didn't offer any after building the dams. The whites didn't seem to give any thought to the insult they had done with the tribes' culture and traditions. Because of this, conflict started appearing, which resulted in many deaths of tribal people - usually making numbers so small that certain tribes were thought to be "extinct."  

[Prof. Moonie]

((I want to earn more gold to fulfill my various item quests... so here we go. I'll do my revision thought process here, lol...))

Intro Revision #1:

"What I love most about rivers is: You can't step in the same river twice. The water's always changing, always flowing" (Pocahontas). Much like the historical and fictional tribe that the legendary Pocahontas lived with, for hundreds of years the Chinook tribe, sometimes referred to as the "Cascades people," relied heavily on the rivers and ocean for food and resources, such as salmon (Caldbick). Not only was salmon a major part of the Chinook tribe's diet, but it also was a major part of their culture. However, the Chinooks traditions revolving around salmon was disrupted when European and American settlers came into the area. As a result of the White settlers desire for the tribal peoples' resources, the Chinooks lost the land they once inhabited, including the areas they traditionally fished for salmon, and the conflict caused resulted in the "extinction" of the tribe.  

[Prof. Moonie]

It's getting there... I just need to work on that last sentence. Hmm...

Revision #2
"What I love most about rivers is: You can't step in the same river twice. The water's always changing, always flowing" (Pocahontas). Much like the historical and fictional tribe that the legendary Pocahontas lived with, for hundreds of years the Chinook tribe, sometimes referred to as the "Cascades people," relied heavily on the rivers and ocean for food and resources, especially salmon (Caldbick). Not only was salmon a major part of the Chinook tribe's diet, but it was also a major part of their culture. However, the Chinooks salmon traditions were disrupted when European and American settlers came into the area. As a result of the White settlers taking the land that the Chinooks once inhabited and building dams in traditional fishing areas, the Chinook began to lose a part of their culture and conflicts arose, almost resulting the "extinction" of the tribe.  

[Prof. Moonie]

Hmm... I think I like this version of the introduction paragraph. I think I'll stick with it, and start working the rest of the revisions around it. 3nodding