Moonie's Ramblings

[Prof. Moonie]

And back to an empty lobby again.

 

[Prof. Moonie]

Looking forward to getting off work...

 

[Prof. Moonie]

Shows I Need To Watch:

iZombie - 16 + 6
Supernatural - 21
ONCE - 21
Fear The Walking Dead - 13
Shadowhunters - 10
The Walking Dead - 16 (Season 7)
Sleepy Hollow - 13 (Season 4 - Final)
Grimm - 13 (Season 6 - Final)
Elementary - 9 (Start on Ep. 15)
Doctor Who - 1
MLP:FIM - 1

Last updated: May 16

 

[Prof. Moonie]

I've been crying the past hour or so. I discovered that my dad had posted a topic thread on some retirement forum website he's part of about the fact that I'm still staying at home and how to "nicely" suggest the hint that he wants an empty nest. Between the things he's posted and the responses other folks have written, I'm feeling betrayed, hurt, and like a failure.

 

[Prof. Moonie]

"Do you still have an adult child living at home? Our daughter [...] still lives at home. By now, I was kind of hoping for an empty nest [...] But our daughter hasn't show any interest in moving out.
Funny, how you keep telling me (in person) that you're not trying to "kick me out" when you bring up the subject - and yet here you essentially are saying that you would like me to be out of the house. And not show any interest? Pfft. I've had interest... it just that every time an opportunity presents itself, something happens that cancels said plans (i.e. friend getting married).

"She works two minimum wage part-time jobs. I doubt she could support herself on what she earns now. But again, she hasn't shown any motivation to look for better work. When we bring it up, we get the stink eye and 'stop bothering me' responses."
Technically, only one of those jobs is minimum wage. No interest or motivation in looking for better work? Wasn't that what my job at the assisted living was supposed to be? Something that had more dependable hours/schedule and better pay? Wow... just wow. And I do have interest in finding something better - and more suited to what I majored in - but try to find something in my field (especially around here) that I have the right experience/degree for in a world that seems so focused on science and medical fields.

Maybe you wouldn't get the stink eye and 'stop bothering me' response if you approached the subject in a better manner. Bombarding me with the subject out of nowhere is going to make me resist discussing it with you rather than a subtle "Hey, we should sit down sometime to discuss such-and-such".

 

[Prof. Moonie]

"I wasn't very supportive of her continuing college after her associates degree. I just didn't see it leading to anything. Wife felt otherwise, so we paid to have daughter get her bachelors. Now as I expected, daughter is working part time at a theater and as a receptionist, having nothing to do with her degree. Can I say I told you so? She wanted to continue to get her masters, I finally said no. If she wants to continue, she'll have to pay for it. Funny, she doesn't want to continue anymore..."



Sorry, if my interest in the English field didn't appeal to you, but it's the only field that matches my interests. All that science and medical field stuff has never interested me. The receptionist job at the assisted living is probably the closest to getting to the medical field I'll get.

And doesn't want to continue to get my Masters? Um... no. There's still an interest. I'm just not doing right away like I did with my Associates and Bachelors.

Oh, and "doesn't lead to anything"? I'm afraid in the day of age having an Associates and/or Bachelors is now the bare minimum requirement for any job out there.

 

[Prof. Moonie]

"We've had multiple discussions with her, lots of emotions, but the next day it's like we never said anything. In one ear and out the other. [...] I get that jobs are hard to find. I know rents are outrageous. I don't think it would bother me as much if she was at least trying, but she's not."

Oh, trust me, the words you speak to me stick with me for days long after the discussion is brought up. Just because I don't verbally bring the subject back up or you don't visually/physically see me do anything in relation to what was discussed, doesn't mean I don't do it.

 

[Prof. Moonie]

"Yeah, that's one of my concerns right now. We're making plans to retire in six years, and part of making that happen is not having to support a third person in the household. She's not only stunting her own future, she's affecting ours."

If that's how you really feel, then stop beating around the bush when you bring up the subject! Stop doing the whole "we're not trying to kick you out or anything" spiel when you really want me to be out of the house when you retire. You make it sound like I'm the one that's at fault here when you're just as responsible at the failure.

 

[Prof. Moonie]

"Any chance of getting your almost 28 year old daughter married off? That might get her out of the house."
"Unfortunately, no. She hasn't even dated anyone in years."

Oh yes, because getting married is obviously the right answer to getting me out of the house. rolleyes



It's been 5 years since I last dated someone. Why does everyone make it out to be such a major failure if you're not dating or with someone in a romantic relationship at my age? Ugh!

 

[Prof. Moonie]

"I'm proud of her, I just want her to do something with her life."

Do something with my life? And what exactly do you envision that being, Dad? Please. Enlighten me. Because maybe if I have an idea of what *you* want me to be doing with *my* life, I might meet your expectations.

 

[Prof. Moonie]

"Is there a family friend or someone she knows where she could rent a room? I would ask her what her plans are. She may have an age in her head where it would be weird to still be living with your parents. Maybe she needs to get on govt assistance? She could even have mild depression.
"She had hinted about getting an apartment with two different friends of hers. Of course, before she acted on it they each got married and started families of their own.

We've tried asking about her plans. We get the blank stare and "I don't know", and has no real plans for the future. She seems quite happy and confident otherwise. ."

An age where it would be weird to still live with one's parents? Yeah, the age I'm at right now. I want to move out but as I mentioned before (and my Dad mentions in his response), all of my possible plans of moving out get dashed because my friends move on with their lives.

As for the depression aspect... considering there's a history of depression on my Dad's side of the family, I wouldn't be too surprised if it played a part minimally.

 

[Prof. Moonie]

"The difference here is the OP says his DD is 28 and has never been away from their home for more then a few nights at a time. Is anyone else seeing simply a basic failure to launch? The DD hasn't tried and failed, she simply hasn't tried."
"Definitely a failure to launch, possibly due to some sort of depression (reading between the lines of the OP's responses). Sounds to me like the DD is completely unmotivated and feeling adrift and a bit hopeless about her life right now. Not sure what to suggest other than some tough love and maybe look into some counseling for her, both professional and personal."


Wow, thanks for essentially calling me a major failure with your response. Again I direct the attention to the fact that my chances of actually moving out kept getting dashed. So, I have tried... maybe not physically but mentally I did. Or at least I feel like I was. Sorry if my way of doing it doesn't seem like an adequate attempt.

"Feeling adrift and a bit hopeless about her life right now" - That's probably the most adequate description of how I'm feeling right now.

 

[Prof. Moonie]

"What about having your daughter move in with your MIL and help her out? Your MIL is 80 and lives only 45 minutes away and at 80 she will be needing more and more assistance. Your daughter could also get a part-time job. That would take a burden off your wife."

Uh, no. I love my grandma dearly but I would not want to live with her.

And I already have two part-time jobs, mate! You obviously missed my Dad mentioning that earlier in the thread.

 

[Prof. Moonie]

"She has so much free time, she could get another job or two instead of acting like a retired person, oh wait, she doesn't need to since she lives rent free and food free

See the issue? she has no pressure to succeed."

So much free time? You're joking right? Did you miss the part where I work two part-time jobs and volunteer at the local animal shelter? Just because my Dad lists that I attend conventions, watch movies and other performances, and what not doesn't mean I do it on a regular basis. I do it as treating myself for all the hard work I've done. To give myself a break. TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! Geez...

 

[Prof. Moonie]

"She sounds like a lovely girl. Be happy you know she is safe and sound. Im old fashioned , my view of fatherhood is to provide and protect .it sounds like you are doing both. she will find her way when the time is right."

Probably my favorite response of the entire thread. The only one that actually made me feel good about myself and not feel like a failure.