Bad Memories. [Kurai's Short story]

[Kurai_kotori]

I had to write a response to the stories after they were critiqued and this is what I said about Damian; "Damian was passionate, flying from one emotion to the next while feeling each down to his core and proving it in his actions. Damian is filled with grief at this, he does not wish to kill, but he does not know how to stop before he does. This conflict is what drives him to his passionate angers and piteous tears. Rape and abuse are facts of life, and Damian is aware of this. His reactions show the depth of his character, though."  

[The Splendiferous Rufu]

I liked it, a rather lot. I don't agree with Kirby, in most respects - I think that rape certainly happens and should never be ignored, but I think that it is overdone, sadly. It's not your fault, it's the fault of bad writers, but nonetheless, if you're going to have rape in your story, it has to be one hell of a scene. I don't mean graphic, that's not necessary, but there has to be something about it that really grabs the audience's attention and keeps it there.

I also think that it does need a few more, varied memories of Lilia's. You know, there are always a few totally random-seeming images and experiences that burn themselves onto one's consciousness. For me, one of them is a vision of a sunlit carpet in my old apartment, the beams textured by tree limbs and windowpanes. And, I mean, everyone has some positive experiences in their 19-or-so-year life. Your story and Lilia's character would probably benefit greatly from some variety.

Also, you tend to restate things, before or after the fact. Like, when Damian bites Lilia's neck, the narrator says that most of the memories are sad ones... And then you show us sad memories. You feel me? So yeah, I'd just watch out for a few of those incidences.

Overall, though, I thought it was great. Damian's character is wonderfully constructed, and your oddly formal portrayal of thoughts and such totally works for me. Plus, grammar is flawless. <3 Excellent job.

<3RUFU

 

[NovaKing]

The Splendiferous Rufu

I liked it, a rather lot. I don't agree with Kirby, in most respects - I think that rape certainly happens and should never be ignored, but I think that it is overdone, sadly. It's not your fault, it's the fault of bad writers, but nonetheless, if you're going to have rape in your story, it has to be one hell of a scene. I don't mean graphic, that's not necessary, but there has to be something about it that really grabs the audience's attention and keeps it there.

<3RUFU

In-fact, there doesn't have to be any particular attribute associated with it besides what minimal is required to portray the scene as rape. Everything else is added for desired effect.