I've failed - a coming-out story

[Eccentric Detective]

Kidrahs

Is there any way you could contact your older brother? From what you said, it sounds like he went through the same s**t you did. So ask him for help.

Kyoko364

Ask your brother what he did when your parents found out. If he was already out of the house by then, ask him anyway. He knows your parents better than we do, and he would know how to handle them.

My brother was lucky. He just left for college. The summer was pretty tense, but he already had a job and knew where he was going to live, so my parents had to keep him for the time being.
He didn't have to deal with anything other than my dad's continuous talks about how he had to "save his soul" and all that.
They still have him over every once in a while. And yeah, it's awkward, but he didn't get sent to boot camp.
Or in my case... public school... *tremble*  

[B1g_crunch]

You shouldn't have to put up with any of that, nd if they're going to treat you so bad, use their own rules against them. Just walk by and say "huh, you know, I bet "Jesus (or god or whatever)" would look down upon parents who would just stop loving their child". If that doesn't work then you should fight fire with fire, ignore them, you don't need their approval. You can call your freinds from home after public school is over, and your parents aren't so evil that they'd send you to a shitty public school. WHEN they put you in a DECENT public school, trust me, it's not bad. I only spent one year in private school and that was when I was 4, I ******** HATED IT. The teacher always critisized me for everything, as well as peers. I had no freinds and no one to talk to.  

[PolityOfQueens]

I wonder if there's a Child Services ordinance about withholding food from your children.  

[Mrithyu]

Wow I feel sorry for you, but public school isn't all bad, the teachers will usually welcome any kid who doesn't cause trouble for them and honestly, if you take advanced classes you won't have any of the "ne'er-do-wells" in your class and it will be full of smart people. and my mom is still thinks I need "saving" but she never did any of this, but she isn't Catholic so idk...my dad is but I don't usually talk to him except when I want something... sweatdrop  

[Captain_Shinzo]

tearingXheavenXdown

This could get kinda long, so prepare yourselves...

So I've been working on gradually emerging from my cocoon in little steps. I started with my sister because I have the closest relationship to her in my family, and I knew she'd understand. We had a few discussions, and neither of us hated the other because of our different beliefs.

Next came my brother. He didn't take it so well. He sort of stared at me for a moment, then shook his head. "You're just confused," he said. Which, of course, hurt me deeply. I didn't become an atheist needlessly! It wasn't meant to be simply a rebellious action.

But unfortunately, I didn't get as much time as I would have liked for telling my parents. They're still a little sore over my oldest brother turning out atheist. One day my sister let it slip, forgetting my mother was in the room. I'll never forget the look on her face. It was horror and dislike and betrayal. "That's a nasty surprise," she eventually stated. I tried to talk to her more about what exactly it was that scared her about atheism. She didn't give me a chance.

I avoided her for a couple of days. Then finally my parents sat me down and told me straight out that I was stupid and ignorant for not believing in a god, and if I refused to pray with them I wouldn't get any dinner until I did. They forbade me from using the word "atheist" or even "agnostic" in the house ever again, because, they said, they would send me to public school immediately. To them, the only reason private education is better than public school education is the inclusion of "God" into the curriculum. Why, they thought, should they waste their money if their little daughter was a rotten little disrespectful atheist?

I had so much to lose by expressing myself freely. So now I've been shutting myself up and paying lip service to their Catholicism, (and though I don't like to admit it) secretly hating them.

I plan to get a job as soon as I can, save my money, and strike out on my own after college. If they don't want to keep the peace with me, why bother keeping the peace with them?

Any advice from you guys? Anyone gone through a similar experience?

You should shut them up by challenging their own beliefs. In the bible, it says that people CAN NOT force others to believe or else it is a sin.
I studied other religions from time to time as of being an Atheist. :3  

[Eccentric Detective]

Captain_Shinzo

tearingXheavenXdown

This could get kinda long, so prepare yourselves...

So I've been working on gradually emerging from my cocoon in little steps. I started with my sister because I have the closest relationship to her in my family, and I knew she'd understand. We had a few discussions, and neither of us hated the other because of our different beliefs.

Next came my brother. He didn't take it so well. He sort of stared at me for a moment, then shook his head. "You're just confused," he said. Which, of course, hurt me deeply. I didn't become an atheist needlessly! It wasn't meant to be simply a rebellious action.

But unfortunately, I didn't get as much time as I would have liked for telling my parents. They're still a little sore over my oldest brother turning out atheist. One day my sister let it slip, forgetting my mother was in the room. I'll never forget the look on her face. It was horror and dislike and betrayal. "That's a nasty surprise," she eventually stated. I tried to talk to her more about what exactly it was that scared her about atheism. She didn't give me a chance.

I avoided her for a couple of days. Then finally my parents sat me down and told me straight out that I was stupid and ignorant for not believing in a god, and if I refused to pray with them I wouldn't get any dinner until I did. They forbade me from using the word "atheist" or even "agnostic" in the house ever again, because, they said, they would send me to public school immediately. To them, the only reason private education is better than public school education is the inclusion of "God" into the curriculum. Why, they thought, should they waste their money if their little daughter was a rotten little disrespectful atheist?

I had so much to lose by expressing myself freely. So now I've been shutting myself up and paying lip service to their Catholicism, (and though I don't like to admit it) secretly hating them.

I plan to get a job as soon as I can, save my money, and strike out on my own after college. If they don't want to keep the peace with me, why bother keeping the peace with them?

Any advice from you guys? Anyone gone through a similar experience?

You should shut them up by challenging their own beliefs. In the bible, it says that people CAN NOT force others to believe or else it is a sin.
I studied other religions from time to time as of being an Atheist. :3

They claim to do it out of concern for my immortal soul. And they seem really bitter about it.
But... cool. smile  

[Eccentric Detective]

Ekeda

I wonder if there's a Child Services ordinance about withholding food from your children.

Does it count if it's only one meal though?  

[Captain_Shinzo]

tearingXheavenXdown

Ekeda

I wonder if there's a Child Services ordinance about withholding food from your children.

Does it count if it's only one meal though?

I'm sure it still counts. If they keep food away from you, it still counts as starvation.
Reason why they don't have those movies where the punishment is no dinner.
Well, they have it but that is in the old times which proves my point.
Don't call child services, though, because they will send you to a foster home or a foster parent home and none of those could be better for you then what your parents could give. I still just suggest you challenge their ideals.  

[Raticiel]

tearingXheavenXdown

Raticiel

Oh my, it's always darkest under the lantern. Of course I know a similar story. My brother, 10 years ago he got married but it was a civil wedding, no church involved (they didn't have that much of money to make such a fest). Half of family hated him for that, even now when they just "fixed" that problem they're still hated. And what's more: after the 2nd wedding they started breaking up a little. A bad omen?

Perhaps all the strife related to their relationship strained it. If it was tenuous to begin with, though, maybe it couldn't be helped.
I hate how much the church claims not to be secular, yet it still begs and wheedles for your money even more pathetically than an infomercial.

So true, for example I can't stand the moment when my father gives an envelope filled with some pretty green to our wonderful priest in order to perform the mass for dead relatives. Maybe that's just a custom but still I find this... disgusting.

And yeah, they had more problems than that, and the biggest one is, of course, money... It's hard to make start your own family and stories like this make me afraid of getting married ever xd  

[Boston Sports Fan]

Just reading that got me so angry. I feel even luckier to have parents that actually listen and aren't so close minded. I really can't help you out here, just don't let your parents control your life.  

[[-Erik-]]

Call them out on their hypocrisy and stand for what you belive in.

Be polite, but agressive at the same time.

 

[Eccentric Detective]

smile I love you guys. *hug*

They were afraid of letting me talk. Every time I opened my mouth they would cut in and go on again about how ignorant and stupid I was, didn't I know that I would go to hell? burning_eyes

And then they brought up random things like the Ouija board my friend took to our house once, FOR FUN, and my little stint into Paganism during which I nicked things from the kitchen for my ceremonies. Automatically they assumed that this was what my atheism was about. But I couldn't get it through their heads! I denied taking the board seriously, I apologized for taking the items (the only reason I didn't tell them before taking them was because I just knew they wouldn't want to let me. They're so Catholic. And intolerant).
It was pointless to keep arguing and being overrun, so I gave up and went along with it. So I'm still angry with myself for letting them do that. xp  

[Sagara-kun-Blue]

Sorry, guys, one meal doesn't constitute starvation. But I agree with the people who suggested you talk to your brother. I'd say don't kick up more dust than you need to. Public school's not bad, especially if you take more academic classes. But if you don't want to leave your friends, which is understandable, just find a way for you and your parents to live civilly with each other. Pretending to pray isn't a crime. It might be a little degrading and stamding up for your self is better, but sometimes, it's best just to bite the bullet to keep the peace. After high school, you can move away to college and do things your own way. Good luck!  

[PolityOfQueens]

See what their reaction is to this theory I've come up with:

If any sort of god exists, we have no way of knowing which religion out of the countless that exist in this world worships it correctly. This god might not even have earthly worshipers. Because of this, the chance for any person of any faith, non-faith included, to get into any sort of good afterlife is 1/infinity.

Tell them this, and that since they're on the exact same level as you, converting you to anything is literally pointless.  

[Lyonette]

You're parents are assholes. I'm sorry, but they are. "Stupid and ignorant"! Yeah, well ******** them! (Sorry, sorry, I just really don't like that.) Public school really isn't that bad. I would rather come to public school than slowly torture myself to death with their poison. I think you're handling it very well though. Save up your money, stay strong! I know you can hold out until you can move out!