Holy s**t, this is freaky...

[Waynebrizzle]

1.i?m not going to lie
2.
3.the stupid line system and
4.blatantly made up story kept me from reading
5.past the first ten lines  

[Meta_Fish]

So you're beyond fiction reading now? The line spacing can be a little annoying, but your eyes early on learn to read it without bother.  

[Waynebrizzle]

Meta_Fish

So you're beyond fiction reading now? The line spacing can be a little annoying, but your eyes early on learn to read it without bother.

It's just that when writing metafiction, one should try to be believable. Talking about children choking on their arms is just going to make the reader laugh, as well as make it not-as-convincing.

edit: Whoops, I don't think metafiction is the right term.  

[Al Torrenz]

I KNOW WAYNE I KNOW


The secret message must be programmed in as a random fight limited to your first encounter and would be clearly visible in the game code. It's nothing that would have made it to the final version of the game unnoticed.

Some deaths are illogical. From what we can tell, the message makes people with lost family members go nuts and kill themselves. Why did the two interrogating cops die? The dude they interviewed couldn't have fired those dozens of shots described in the story before he was killed by the two fired at him. The cops didn't kill themselves because even if they were somehow affected by the "curse", they would've just shot themselves in the head instead of unnecessarily hole themselves all over. And why the hell did they kill the guy in the first place? Disabling his legs would've allowed them to capture him for further interrogation.
Why did all involved programmers kill themselves sooner or later? There's no sufficient reason why they should intentionally give the police little hints before committing suicide.

Why would the children gouge their eyes out or kill themselves in unnecessarily violent and painful ways? They just need to "follow" their beloved ones by dying.



THERE'S FAR TOO MUCH STUPID s**t AND LOGICAL GAPS IN THE STORY TO MAKE IT CREEPY AT ALL. ********.