[FIN] Another Kind of Battle

[Suudonym]

Unconsciously his perspective shifted in some kind of psychological defense, and suddenly he was addressing himself, his words acrid and hateful, "It's your fault. It comes back to you and your stupidity at every turn. This never should have happened. You killed Asch. You killed him."  

[Blood_Goddess]

Asch's name popped up, Luke was going on about... her killing him? or... was he talking to himself? he must be talking to himself.
"Luke." she spoke, "Slow down."

Unsure of what was going on, she tried to peace together what he meant, while speaking to him calmly. "Luke..."  

[Suudonym]

Everything in his posture and tone absolutely screamed for help, but his loss of self-awareness prevented him from heeding Rosie. "Are you proud of yourself?! Are you happy with this?! You said you wanted to live. You said you wanted a miracle." A cruel laugh. "You said you wanted to be closer to your brother! Can't get much closer than that, huh?!"

His facade gave way to its own malice, and he suddenly doubled over in total, unmitigated despair, sobbing openly and painfully.  

[Blood_Goddess]

She knew her words were not reaching him, this was obviously something that was just going to have to happen, and even though this terrified her, seeing her friend in anguish like this, and not knowing what in the world to do to help him out of this, or even what was going on! she did not let him go.

Rosie could only watch on helplessly as Luke battled with himself, heeding no reply to her words, and no awareness of her touch.
It was when he doubled over and started crying that she reacted almost on instinct, in a desperate bid to do SOMETHING.

She got up, only enough so that she could climb over next to him letting go of his hand only to look her arms around his neck and his shoulders, pulling her friend close and holding him firmly in her embrace as he sobbed.

With nothing to say, she defaulted to something her mother used to do when she was upset, She started to sing, sing the first song she could think of, keeping it soft, low, not trying to invade his thoughts with it, but just trying to be a calm presence.

"Here in the stillness, the quiet place
Where I'm lying with a down turned face
You come and distract me
From what's coming at me"

Blue eyes, watering slightly, stayed on the room window, at the field outside, the sound of Luke's sobbing filling the room.

"Give me something to look forward to
Truth be told, sometimes it's only you
Nothing is at stake here
When we are awake here"  

[Suudonym]

Where plain words failed to reach him, the melody achieved some success. Luke had had an affinity for music for as long as he remembered - and apparently even before that, from what he had learned from those who had known him as a child. Gradually the harshness of his sobbing ebbed away, leaving the occasional sharp breath and a fractured voice muffled by the hands he had raised to his face as he repeated intermittently, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."  

[Blood_Goddess]

In some ways it seemed to help, whatever strain was in his voice had slowly left as she sang, but the sobbing didn't stop. Rosie couldn't imagine a more difficult sound to hear, the sound of her friend in pain, and all she could so was hold him and sing quietly.

"It's you who brings the morning
And you who takes the sun when I sleep
You're the only who stuck around
For me when I was losing
Faith in what I thought I would be."

Blinking a couple of tears out of her eyes, sniffing when he continued to speak, but this time he was only repeating the same thing.
In response she rocked ever so gently, being fully aware that he had just had surgery, while she bowed her head by his, so that her forehead lightly brushed the top of his head.

"You're the only one in the dark I see..."  

[Suudonym]

The continuing offer of solace, paired with his own growing exhaustion, eventually stifled his lamentation, bridging the strange rift that had separated himself from his surroundings. Through lightly shuddering breaths, a baseless fear came to a voice hushed by weariness and tragedy, "You won't die, right?"  

[Blood_Goddess]

At first she wasn't sure if he was still talking to himself or not, though he was continuing to calm down, and it was the first time a question was asked.
She sniffed lightly, feeling her heart sinking at the question, and the way he sounded asking it.
"No." Rosie lifted her head up a little, brushing one of her hands over her cheeks as she sniffed again. "No, I won't die."

It was terrible of her to promise that, if anyone knew how quickly a life can be taken away, its her. But that wasn't what Luke needed to hear right now.
"You won't either... okay?" Asking in return.  

[Suudonym]

He wasn't in any condition to mask his emotions, and the conflict her question elicited showed plainly in his features. He didn't want to die. He had never wanted to die. But how was he supposed to live now, as he was, knowing the catastrophe he had caused? Unable to answer, he raised a hand to Rosie's arm, holding on gently to prevent his thoughts from consuming him.  

[Blood_Goddess]

"You will, you will" she reassured quietly when he didn't reply, It was just the second day after his surgery, and what he had been saying about Asch... about his twin being dead?
Whatever he was feeling now, this intensity that was forcing him to react more powerfully than she has ever seen anyone react was still fresh... this was going to take time, and she had no idea how helpful words would be right now.
If words weren't she just hoped that right now, voices will.
"You will Luke." she ran her hand down the back of his hair, "We both will."  

[Suudonym]

Green eyes fell shut, and just slightly he nodded his head, remaining silent. He wasn't sure if he believed it, or if he wanted or even deserved to believe it, but he gave it his best effort.  

[Blood_Goddess]

Giving him one more squeeze of a hug, Rosie leaned back a little more, moving her arms so that she had a hand on either side of his head, she bowed her head so that she could look at him.
"I need you to remember something Luke... That no matter what, We're here for you. Whatever happens from here please don't go it alone. whatever you need, whenever you need us, you have your friends who love you, and you don't have to be alone in this. Okay?"

She blinked more tears out of her eyes, biting her lips to try and keep her breathing more steady.
"We all love you, Luke"  

[Suudonym]

He watched with glassy eyes and a slight inclination in his brow as she spoke, listening to the words and giving due consideration to their meaning. Their sincerity reached him, and it showed through his expression despite his continuing inability to find a verbal response. Just slightly more emphatically than before, he nodded once in acknowledgment, a physical exhaustion manifesting throughout him as the worst of the tension and anxiety began to ebb away.  

[Blood_Goddess]

She couldn't ask for more then that, and though she was sad, she managed a smile, an encouraging one if nothing else.
"Okay... okay" she lowered her hands onto his forearms, still remaining where she sat, but not saying anything more. For now, she would just sit there, sportively, for as long as he needed.  

[Suudonym]

He sat in silence for a time, focusing on sensations rather than thoughts: the light pressure of Rosie's hands at his arms, the pale warmth from the window, the sound of each breath as he drew it. At length, his weariness began to overwhelm him, and he raised his voice to the very baseline of audibility.

"If…" He lowered his gaze and tucked his head downward, knowing the selfishness of his request. "If I lay down to rest a bit, would you stay until I'm asleep?" His conscious thoughts desolated and terrified him when he was in isolation; his unconscious thoughts did as well, but he at least had some degree of control over the former.