[FIN] Homeward Bound

[BlackPidgeot]

Yuri had stayed closed to Luke throughout the entirety of the day. Not just because it was his so called job. He could care less about that. But more to keep a careful watch on how he was handling things. Thus he even shared Luke's cabin, and noticed immediately as the boy got up.

Pretending to be asleep until he had left, Yuri soon got up and tailed the red headed noble at a distance.  

[Suudonym]

Downcast, Luke crossed the deck to the ship's bow, placing his hands lightly on the railing and staring out across ocean darkened by nightfall. His total and perfect silence throughout the day only enhanced - or perhaps explained - the irregularity of his actions: He tightened his grasp on the rail, drew in a breath, and released the entire contents of his lungs in a broken, inarticulate shout. The burst of sound was short-lived as his voice readily failed him, and as his strength ebbed he gradually allowed himself to rest on his knees, head bowed against the rail. He couldn't stand it. He couldn't stand any of it, let alone bear it gracefully while keeping up appearances for his father's sake.  

[BlackPidgeot]

Yuri stood in a shadowed portion of the deck, leaning his shoulder against a wall as he watched Luke with little emotion. He'd been through a lot, and this was something the kid probably needed. So Yuri let him think he was alone, at least for now.  

[Suudonym]

Eventually his hands fell from the rail and he leaned to sit on his heels, staring absently ahead with dim eyes. At length he spoke aimlessly, his words audible over the nighttime silence but faint beneath the ocean's sound.

"What are you going to do?"

He didn't know what he would do. For now he would just go where he was led, fulfill whatever responsibilities were expected of him. All he wanted was to run somewhere, to escape somehow, but he shook his head lightly.

"There's nowhere for you to go now."

He knew that. He'd feel just as trapped no matter where he was; there was nothing he could do about it. Who was he kidding, though? He'd already given up. A hand rose from his lap to brush his forehead.

"You're useless. You should have never been saved."  

[BlackPidgeot]

"Well that's definitely the biggest load of crap I've ever heard," Yuri said casually from where he was standing. There was no anger or malice in his voice. He was just stating the facts, whether Luke wanted to believe them or not.

Still, he remained where he was until Luke acknowledged his presence.  

[Suudonym]

He didn't necessarily acknowledge Yuri's presence, though faintly he recognized that the words were produced from somewhere outside himself. "What did I do," he replied, "to earn the right to live over Asch?"  

[BlackPidgeot]

Thus Yuri decided to remain where he was, and answer Luke's question.

"You didn't do anything. He chose to let you live of his own free will. Because you're his brother."  

[Suudonym]

He tensed slightly. "Don't decide something like that on your own. Don't force your wants on others." His posture compressed on himself, head bowed into his hands and voice splintering, "Don't just disappear."  

[BlackPidgeot]

"Pretty selfish of him, wasn't it?" Yuri went on, his brow furrowing slightly as Luke seemed to be talking to someone who wasn't there.

"Or maybe he just cared about you. There's not many people who would give their lives for someone else."  

[Suudonym]

"I don't want anyone to care that much," he said in defiance, though his tone deadened as he continued, "Am I supposed to be glad? I didn't think it was possible to hate myself so much." The mere fact that he was there, that he could feel the sea breeze, that he could open his mouth and produce words that expressed his thoughts, that he could form those thoughts in the first place - his continuing existence was loathsome.  

[BlackPidgeot]

"No one said you had to be glad," Yuri said. Knowing full well he wouldn't be if he'd found himself in that sort of situation. "But you could be grateful. Asch wouldn't want you to blame or hate yourself."

And he only knew that because he'd actually been there, and heard the words himself.  

[Suudonym]

He raised his voice in a sudden anger, "Well I wouldn't want Asch to kill himself, so I guess no one gets what they want!"  

[BlackPidgeot]

Yuri countered with a question. "Would you have done the same? Or would you have let him die knowing there was something you could do to save him?"  

[Suudonym]

The question stung, connecting thoughts that he hadn't consciously connected before. Of course he would have done the same, because he owed Asch for what their parents had decided for them - because he was his brother. Maybe he just cared about you.

Suddenly frantic, he abruptly stood and turned, searching the deck for the escape he earlier ascertained did not exist. Then his father was right. If he'd stayed in Grande Ile, they would never have met, and they would both live. If he had died in his illness as a child, at least no one would have died in pursuit of his life. In a panic that approached hyperventilation, he moved falteringly in any direction, repeating under his breath, "There has to be somewhere. There has to be somewhere."  

[BlackPidgeot]

Luke would find himself intercepted by one dark haired man, who grabbed hold of him with his arms.

"Luke, get a hold of yourself!" Yuri barked firmly.