[FIN] Ups and Downs

[Tori Honoo]

She stayed silent, doing her best to hear every word he spoke when he became even less audible. At his words, she dropped her gaze, knowing he was right, that the words would be the same, no matter how much she willed them to change.

When he began to blame himself though, she shook her head and rubbed his arm, watching as he wilted, a heavy pool of dead forming in her stomach. "No, no Luke, no... None of this is your fault, none of it was," she nearly pleaded. "There's no way you could have prevented any of this. Please don't blame yourself... You've done nothing wrong, I promise..."  

[Suudonym]

He offered a sidelong gaze that was dark with self-loathing, the words that followed bitter, "I could list the ways."  

[Tori Honoo]

The look he offered startled her, and she stilled her hand on his arm, shaking her head. "None of this was your fault, Luke. It wasn't. There's no one to blame... Please don't...."

Lovey picked herself up to her feet and moved to look at Luke, her ears drooping. After a moment of helplessly watching her trainer attempt to comfort her friend, she joined her, rubbing her little head against his leg in hope it would do something.

Dove watched a moment more, then added, "You're such a good person, Luke... Everyone I know that knows you loves you. Please don't blame yourself, and please...please don't think you have to do this alone. You don't have to be alone."  

[Suudonym]

"It's a fact," he said emphatically, "a plain and simple fact that if I weren't here--" No, there was only one place these thoughts would lead, and he didn't want to go there. He shook his head and hid his face against his arms, retreating.  

[Tori Honoo]

She stared, unable to help herself as he spoke, though he cut himself off. When he hid his face, she closed her eyes a moment, at a complete loss.

Tentatively, she reached to stroke his hair with her free hand, her heart beating a little faster as she picked up where he left off. "...that if you weren't here, there would be a lot of people who would miss you."

"Luke...you have people here who love you, who are willing to be with you every step of the way, no matter how hard things get. Just hold on, okay?"  

[Suudonym]

"I know that," he said abruptly in a tone of frustration, withdrawing from the touch to push to his feet. He folded his arms loosely, taking just a few steps in an arbitrary direction with the expression of one who wanted to escape but knew there was nowhere to find solace. "I know that," he repeated, as though convincing himself of an impossible idea.  

[Tori Honoo]

She pulled her hands back immediately when he rose to his feet and Lovey scurried away, but hesitated to get up immediately. When he took a few steps, however, she moved to her feet as well, keeping a safe distance--he hadn't rejected her attempt to comfort him, afterall, though she wasn't entirely sure she shouldn't try again.

Giving him a few seconds of silence, she stepped toward him again, her eyes full of nothing but concern. "Luke, I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..."  

[Suudonym]

He turned to her with features that were desolate, cynical. "Why?" The word was uttered as a breath, but it gained momentum as he continued, "It doesn't change anything. It doesn't fix anything. Why waste your breath? Why waste your time?" Green eyes defocused in resignation, his gaze falling. "Apologize to someone who has something to forgive."  

[Tori Honoo]

She took no pause this time and instead stepped to him and wrapped her arms around him. "Because I care, Luke."  

[Suudonym]

The act of affection was oddly stifling, and Luke, with a vague sense of panic resulting from the sudden restriction, moved to break away. He shook his head lightly. People were worried about him. He was causing discomfort to others. Why couldn't he just get a hold of himself…?  

[Tori Honoo]

She immediately let him go when he pulled away, her arms falling to her sides as she watched him, a panic of her own washing over her at yet another mistake. She lifted her hands, palms toward him to show she meant no harm. "I-I'm sorry!"  

[Suudonym]

He retreated a step, hands clutching at his elbows, his head bowed. "Sorry," he murmured. "I'm useless. All I've done… All I can do is trouble people, and burden people, and worry people." He shook his head once more, slowly. "I'm useless, and ungrateful, and… I'm sorry."  

[Tori Honoo]

She shook her head, slowly lowering her hands back to her sides. "You're not useless or ungrateful, Luke. You have too many friends who love you to be either of those things." She stayed still, where she was, allowing him to come to her, should he wish it, or give her some sign he was okay to approach again. "That's not all you can do, either... yes, we're worried, but you're not a burden. Friends are never a burden. I know I haven't know you long, but already I can tell you're a good, kind person."

She thought, willing to elaborate if he wanted it.  

[Suudonym]

There was reason in what she said; he could hear it, but he couldn't understand it. What was he even upset about? He wasn't thinking of Asch, only of himself - as though he despaired at the simple fact of his despair. Selfish. He was just pandering for sympathy and rejecting it to receive more. For all the goodness and kindness Dove suggested, he was without a doubt the worst kind of person. He wilted where he stood at the understanding, hands relaxing to his sides and shoulders falling, a dazed appearance in his eyes. It would be a kindness to disappear. He answered the thought in a voice that was barely audible, "That's not what I want." Then you really are selfish.  

[Tori Honoo]

She took a careful, slow step towards him, then reached for his hand, gently squeezing his palm for a moment as if to reassure him that he really was there.

"What do you want, Luke?" she asked with all gentleness, not at all demanding an answer. "I'll do absolutely everything I can to help you, whatever it is. Just don't give up on yourself, because we're not. We won't."