[FIN] Spot the Differences

[Akira Midoriyama]

"I know it's hard," he empathized, "but that's why you've got to go out and do something stupid. Like drown yourself in sugar," he said with a small laugh. He figured it was better than the alcoholic alternative, anyway.

Despite his urging, however, (or perhaps because of it?) Seraphine didn't seem completely ready to comply with his suggestion. "Come on," he encouraged, pushing himself to his own feet and offering her a hand up. "It'll do you some good. Doesn't have to be ice cream, either; we can get candy or chocolate, if that's what you feel like. Or cookies."  

[BlackFireKitsune]

"U-umm.." While her legs shifted slightly to comply with his urging, her hand instead tightened instinctively - perhaps protectively - around her opposite arm, and she seemed to curl up a bit more. But what if she didn't want to go out and do something stupid? Just sitting at home made her feel stupid - and practically every other insult her inner critic could hurl at her - she didn't need to leave and subject herself to everyone else insulting her too. It had already happened, and she didn't care for it to happen again.

If she were in a more typical frame of mind, she might've voiced such thoughts - accusingly, perhaps - but given her current state, she remained at a pitiful loss of what to do and how to respond. His hand was looked at but not taken - if she did that then he'd certainly see her arm and likely be appalled by it - so if she got up, it had to be some other way... And probably while facing away from him, and-- no, no; then she'd look like even more of a pathetic idiot, trying to hide such obvious secrets...  

[Akira Midoriyama]

At long last, Akira put his hands on his hips and smirked at her. "Am I going to have to carry you? Because I will, and it will be embarrassing. I'll make sure to do it princess-style, too." He leaned down, making a move to do as he threatened with one arm reaching under her knees and the other for her back.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

"What? No, I--" She instinctively leaned away as he stooped to pick her up, her pale eyes widening as she looked up at him, her mind racing. If he just picked her up, she'd have no time to even attempt to hide her arm like she had been lately, and he'd see it anyway, but if she got up herself she could at least attempt to... But she didn't have time to hardly think of her options. "I was in a car accident," she blurted out suddenly, saying the very first thing that came to mind to make him stop. Well, if he was going to figure out about it one way or another, she might as well just tell him. She her fingers tensed, relaxed, and tensed again around the fabric at her arm as she watched him, her initial near-panic fading to an almost embarrassed depression, and her gaze subsequently dropped to the grass. "I-I.. I was..." Well great - you start telling him about something and then stop halfway through without actually explaining anything. Good job.  

[Akira Midoriyama]

Akira couldn't help sneering a little as she leaned away, having somewhat expected such a reaction. Seeing her so insecure and uncertain was a little disconcerting, but he also couldn't help thinking it was cute.

When she confessed what had been on her mind, however, all traces of his humor vanished and he recomposed his serious expression. "Oh," he said. That certainly would have explained one reason they hadn't had contact for so long. Why had she taken so long to tell him, though? And why did she seem so sad about it? Had something worse happened? Did she really not want to tell him that badly?

"No one...died, I hope? You weren't too badly hurt, were you?" he asked, kneeling back down to examine her face. Just then he recalled something about hearing that if a certain part of the brain was damaged, your whole personality could change. Was that what had happened to her? Was that why she was acting so disturbingly different? "Did you get hit in the head? Is that why you're acting so different?" Without thinking, he reached up again to brush her hair aside, this time out of concern for head injuries rather than out of affection.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

Her lips parted slightly at his first question - or hope, rather - about death, and she bowed her head again. "My father," she answered quietly, her fingers clenching her sleeve again. Her father had died, and here she was, blatantly mourning the loss of her arm more. What kind of pathetic, careless daughter was she? It was a wonder her mother hadn't yelled at her sooner. "I... what?" She blinked, jerking her head up slightly when he asked about her head - and even tried touching her. "Wh.. No," she replied, completely disheartened. He thought she was brain damaged? Seriously? She could at least understand that she was treating herself differently and thus others were doing so as well, but to go so far as to think she had been brain damaged... "I.. Maybe a little bit, I... I got hit in the arm," she corrected, though as much as she wished her tones were angry, they were simply depressed and upset. Seriously? Brain damage? She might as well have been, she supposed.  

[Akira Midoriyama]

"Your - your father?" he repeated, sounding dumb-striken. "...s**t. Uh, pardon my language," he added quickly. "I'm so sorry for your loss, Seraphine. That's...horrible." He blinked a minute, feeling more foolish then ever and trying to imagine...no, he couldn't. Both his parents were still alive. He supposed he'd known someone close to him who had died, though.

When she continued, he raised a brow at the mention of her arm. "Ah...well, that's good then," he answered, sounding a little doubtful. He dropped his hands, realizing he may have been fussing a bit too much, but the fact that she hadn't reacted too strongly was beginning to alarm him again. "Is that why you're wearing such different clothes, though...? Seems a bit of a drastic change." Saying nothing of her demeanor, but he dared not address that just yet.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

The curse didn't bother her in the least, given her penchant for swearing like a little sailor herself, but she wasn't entirely sure how to respond to his words. It was horrible to deal with his loss, yes - but if he meant that the accident was horrible, she wouldn't know. She didn't remember it. His comment, though, about it being good that she'd hit her arm, made her lift her head and blink up at him, mildly confused. "Good? No, it.." It was awful. Terrible. It had caused her grief every single day since the accident; grief she didn't know how to cope with, and grief that her mother wasn't similarly suffering which made it even more difficult to handle. She was only grieving and mourning for one thing, whereas Seraphine grieved over two almost equally. And while she was tempted to think he wouldn't understand it, either, she was more inclined to think that she was probably overreacting - except she couldn't keep herself from continuing to act this way.

"It is," she replied reluctantly and a little sadly, looking away again - answering both his question and comment with just the two words. "It's.. everything's so much harder now, I can't..." She trailed off, hot tears stinging at her eyes again as her words dredged up memories and thoughts and experiences. "I can't.. do anything." She had never even thought about how many different things in every day life required two hands until she'd suddenly been denied one of hers. She'd also never thought about life without parents until she was just as suddenly denied one of them, as well.  

[Akira Midoriyama]

His brows furrowed in confusion, but then realization dawned on him. "No, no, I didn't mean it was good that your arm was hurt. I just meant that it was better your arm than your head is all." Akira's gaze fell to the pocket of her hoodie where she appeared to have hidden her hands. "...Isn't it?"

The brunet's frown deepened as Sera continued. At first he'd thought she'd just changed her fashion sense to hide scars or something, but when she mentioned things being harder and she began to cry, it was clear that there was much more going on. "Seraphine? Seraphine, please don't cry," he pleaded with her softly, looking forlorn. "I can't bear to see you cry. It's difficult enough seeing you look so sad... Isn't there anything I can do?"  

[BlackFireKitsune]

She shook her head lightly, raising her hand to her eyes as the tears started to fall. "No, it's not," she replied mournfully, her words less clear due to her emotional state. "I wish none of me was hurt. I wish my arm--" Her arm. She was still hiding it, wasn't she? Hiding it so she wouldn't have to look at it or think about it or be embarrassed by it; instead she wasn't looking at it, but she was still thinking about it and not only was she embarrassed by it, she was also just continually embarrassing herself with her behavior.

In a small fit of distress she pulled her injured arm away from herself, pushing it out almost violently away from her. The fabric of the sleeve extended beyond the end of it and hung down limply for a few inches. "No, there's not," she replied forcefully, anger mixing in with the sorrow and grief and distress, "'cuz the only thing that would make me feel better is to turn back time. Or at least for s**t to just stop - stop happening. It's too much, I can't take anymore.." She trailed off, the short-lived burst of anger quickly dying into even more sadness and grief as she dropped her face into her hand and began to cry in earnest, her shortened arm falling limp to her side.  

[Akira Midoriyama]

Akira was silent for several long minutes during which he wasn't sure what to say. He opened his mouth a couple times, but he couldn't bring himself to use his voice. Finally, he gingerly took her injured arm and kissed her sleeve right above where the fabric was limp. It was an emulation of the times before when he'd kissed her hand, only minus the hand.

"Yes, you can." Though not so tight that she couldn't pull away if she so chose, he continued to hold her injured arm, his eyes on it as he said, "Of course you can. Seraphine...you are one of the most stubborn, passionate, strong-minded and strong-willed people I know. You're beautiful, confident, and sure of yourself and what you want."

He gazed upon the face she hid behind her good hand as she cried. "If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, Seraphine, then you must be invincible now to have survived through what you did and to be with me here now. if anyone can get through this, it's you. I have not a single doubt in my mind."

"Trust me, if I could turn back the clock, I would. For so many things," he assured her. "But I think I've come to learn that it's things like this that make us who we are. It's what makes us stronger for it. Better."  

[BlackFireKitsune]

As he remained silent, she continued her bitter weeping, but as he spoke, she shook her head and uttered pitiful, muffled 'no's. She wasn't any of those things anymore, not a single one of them - why couldn't he see that? No, no; she still had one of those left. She still knew exactly what she want.

Without bothering to reply to or counter anything else he said, she pulled her injured arm away to wrap both of them tightly around her knees, her face buried as she compressed herself further. "I want my hand back," she started, her shoulders trembling as she continued weeping, "I want my father back. I want our house and all of our stuff back. I want my friends to stop getting hurt, and I want Team Rocket to stop stealing our pokemon." She compressed further, shoulders shaking more. "..I want my Umbreon back." Once finished, she shook her head in her arms, still crying over everything and the futility of it all. She knew none of those things would ever happen, though. Not a single one of them, and it was completely pointless and pathetic to want things so strongly, but at the same time, to know you could never have them.  

[Kitomyx]

He was quiet a little longer after she spoke, thinking about what she'd said. "And I want my wife back," he said. "I want the years I spent loving the wrong person back. It's good to know what you want," he continued, "But it's better to be able to accept what you can't get back. I know you can do that, Seraphine. It's good to mourn and grieve; it's only part of being human. Part of going through life, though, is knowing what you can and can't change, though."

"Before you acted like there was nothing you couldn't do," he recalled. "I admired that so much. Now, though, you're acting like there's nothing you can do, but I know you know that's not true." He reached in his pocket and took out a few tissues he'd kept with him in case of allergies. "It pains me so much to see you this way. It's like watching the tallest skyscraper in my world crumble to nothing."

Handing her the tissues, he said, "Some of those things you mentioned you may not be able to have, but some you can. Protecting your friends, fighting Team Rocket - hasn't that been what you've been doing all along? You can't give up, Seraphine. You've been working so hard all this time and what you want is right there in front of you. As someone once told me, you just have to have the balls to take it." At this he smiled a little. "Don't let a little setback like this deter you. You inspired me to make the best of what I can. I just hope one day I can return the favor somehow, even if it's a far-fetched dream."  

[BlackFireKitsune]

"...your... Your wife?" She repeated in incredulous tones, distracted from her misery long enough to look up at him. His wife? What? But then he continued, and she settled her head back onto her arms. "I know," she said. "I know I can't have any of those things... Even if we keep trying, it doesn't matter - they just do whatever they want anyway," she went on in wilted, depressed tones. They had made that painfully clear when they shot her and assaulted her friends. None of the training any of them had done up to that point had mattered even a little. Not a single bit. It was hard to think that it ever would matter, in her current state. Nothing else did.

Mention of how she acted before only saddened her further. That was before, when she was still pretending everything was fine and okay, when she still kept insisting to herself that she was worth so much and could do whatever she wanted. Now, though, she felt as though her eyes had been opened to the truth - and that truth was how she could barely even take care of herself, let alone her pokemon or her friends and family. She was pathetic. Useless. "That's kind of funny," she commented, a wry, humorless smile crossing her face that was still aimed at her knees. "That's how my life has felt for the past year - like it's just crumbling all around me, faster than I can even think of how to try and fix it.." And now she had stopped trying, because what was the point? Every time something had knocked her down and she got back up again, something else whipped around immediately to knock her back down again. Just like this time, except this time she wasn't sure if she could get back up after.

She took the offered tissues, though wasn't exactly sure what to do with them just yet - especially as he went on, and her head jerked up a bit. "Little?" She repeated, sounding confused at first, then incredulous, "Little? My father's gone and I can't do practically anything anymore, and you ask me if I ********' got brain damage and you're telling me this is 'little'?" Seriously? No. Just no. "Sit down and tell me how many things you do in a day that need two hands to do them, and realize as you're counting all of them that I have the hardest ******** time doing all of those, if I can even do them at all," she countered heatedly, her anger rising a little again.  

[Akira Midoriyama]

Brown eyes widened in astonishment as Sera's tone grew hostile. Well, at least it was something other than merely sad and pitiful, he supposed. "You're not the only one who's had setbacks," he answered calmly, though inwardly his mind was racing trying to think of where he'd gone wrong in upsetting her more. Wasn't this always what happened, though? He had been a fool to even try, but as always, he could never get himself to not attempt to comfort a hurting girl. Even if he did always just end up making it worse.

"N-not brain damage, I mean, well, yeah, a damaged brain, but I didn't mean an inability to think or anything," he answered quickly, his calm tones giving way to flustered embarrassment. So that was how she'd taken it. "I-I was just referring to your change in personality! That has happened before, you know, where a person seems the same and all that's changed is their personality." Ugh. Likely wasn't helping. Still, he had felt a need to at least try to explain himself.

Deep breaths. Don't lose your nerve now. She's still just upset. "S-seraphine, I may have two hands, but that doesn't mean I'm not incapacitated in other ways," he tried. "My older sister is mute and my wife had...complications, so believe me, I know there are trials to be had, especially if you weren't born with a disability. But what about the things you didn't lose? At least you still have one hand and one parent."

"I won't pretend to understand, because I can't; I haven't been through exactly the same thing you did." He had managed to steady his tone again and tried to meet her eyes once more. "But that doesn't mean I can't empathize at all."