[FIN] Coming of Age

[Blood_Goddess]

"I wouldn't say that... but you've been one of my best friend for a long time." she pointed out quietly.

She paused as she listened to him, looking from him to the rails, nodding her head lightly. "Yeah... I know, a lot of things changed"
Before his mom died. Before Luke nearly lost his life and Asch sacrificed his. A lot has happened since Luke's last birthday.
Today would be Asch's birthday too...
Rosie lowered her gaze to the sea when she thought of that, then looked back to Luke to catch the pained look on his face.  

[Suudonym]

His posture was tense and stiff, his gaze fallen and his voice strained, "If I'd known it would be the last birthday I could have with my mother, or the last chance to try to convince Asch to celebrate it with everyone…" The idea of celebrating a birthday just seemed so petty and insignificant, especially since for Luke it was more often than not overshadowed by politics. He'd never realized how much he was taking for granted the opportunity to spend time with his family - precious little time, evidently, as that time had run out only a few short months later.  

[Blood_Goddess]

His words were heartbreaking, she didn’t need to see the way that his posture stiffened, or hear the change of his voice to know the pain behind what Luke was saying.
The fact of having something that you’ll never get back and opportunity with someone you’ll never have again, and just missing someone you’ll never see again.
“You couldn’t have known.” Her voice spoke softly, keeping her eyes on him as his stance and the way he spoke shifted as he voiced his thoughts.
“I’m so sorry.”  

[Suudonym]

"I hate that," he said, nearly speaking under his breath. "'You couldn't have known,' 'you can't see the future,' they just feel like cheap excuses to get away from guilt over something that you could have changed."  

[Blood_Goddess]

"I know." She replied with a light furrow of her brow. "But the 'what ifs' are just a dangerous place to go." She continued "I know it feels like an excuse but its not, its the truth."  

[Suudonym]

"I know that," he said. "I know that, but it's still…" It had been less than a year since everything had happened, and he was occasionally surprised to find that he could make it through an entire day without thinking about it. Returning to Grande Ile, though, never failed to force him to confront all of his grief and guilt all over again.  

[Blood_Goddess]

She paused as she waited for him to continue, but it wouldn't take long for her to realize that he wasn't going to continue.
She let another moment pass, not entirely sure what she could say, although to be fare, there wasn't anything one could say.

"Are you going to go see them?" She asked after a time.  

[Suudonym]

His head bowed and hands loosely clenched, he nodded once, discreetly.  

[Blood_Goddess]

Her shoulders sank lightly seeing him like this was always hard, shifting her stance lightly she reached out to touch him.
"Are you going to be okay?"  

[Suudonym]

After a moment's hesitation, he nodded again.  

[Blood_Goddess]

"Luke." Her voice was gentle, trying to coax his attention from his silence,
"Do you need to talk about it? I'll just listen if you want me to."  

[Suudonym]

He opened his mouth to reply but abandoned the words, his shoulders drawn and his expression nearly distressed. When he eventually spoke, it was in a faint, vanishing voice, "It's not right. My recklessness killed him in my place. But here I am going home for some stupid party, and for what? To celebrate the fact that my own brother gave up his entire future so that I could stand here?"  

[Blood_Goddess]

"Is that why you think he made that choice?" She asked.
He was being hard on himself right now, it was something she expected when he got upset.
But one tends to dwell on the worse their minds have to offer when they're upset, and Luke had a lot to be upset about.  

[Suudonym]

"No, but that's what it comes down to, right?" He'd read that letter so many times that he could still recite its contents; somewhere along the line he had learned to understand Asch's reasoning, but that didn't mean he approved of it. "I'm sorry. I know I should be grateful. I don't dislike being alive - I'm glad that I'm alive. I just… don't like the conditions."  

[Blood_Goddess]

"I think..." she paused, letting her words gather in her mind before she said them "-That being glad that you're alive is everything your brother could really ask for. You can't not be upset by what happened, You would be heartless if it didn't upset you, especially since tomorrow isn't just significant to you, but to Asch too."