[FIN] Freeze

[BlackPidgeot]

"Maybe..," Flynn said softly. "It is a lot for a young boy to take in but he can't be sheltered from life forever. And when Yuri was in danger, your thoughts were on helping him right? You can't be expected to do everything on your own. Also, looking back at the what ifs and blaming yourself won't change anything. You did your best, and that's all you can do."  

[Tori Honoo]

She continued to shake her head, a cold hole growing in her stomach. He was right, and she knew it, but she couldn't shake the guilt for the things she could have done. "I called him a monster, Flynn....in front of both of them, a-and I wasn't thinking..." A tear escaped her lashes and slid over her cheek before she wiped it away with the back of her wrist. "I-I couldn't even talk to him after that, for like... a full week..." And then he had nearly died. Right there. Under her care.  

[BlackPidgeot]

Flynn sighed quietly as he mulled over her words.

"Well, we both know he's not a monster, but sometimes people get upset and say things they don't mean. I'm sure he knows that you didn't mean it and you didn't know what was going to happen. But have you apologized to him yet?"

He had a feeling she hadn't and it would probably make her feel better if she did talk to him about it.  

[Tori Honoo]

She shook her head. "No...Not while he was awake, at least..." she admitted quietly. A short, weak laugh, followed by an expression of self berating. "I told him too much while he was sleeping, though..."

I love you but I don't know how.
The words were true enough. She did love him, and she couldn't imagine her life without him, but romantically...? The feelings were powerful, but she wasn't sure what exactly they were, and their current relationship and the events of late only made it that much more difficult.  

[BlackPidgeot]

Blinking at her in confusion, Flynn didn't quite catch on to what she meant.

"Too much?"

How could it be too much if he had been sleeping and didn't hear it anyway.  

[Tori Honoo]

She hesitated, blinking away the wetness in her eyes. "I told him I loved him... I don't... I don't even know what I meant..." she admitted, getting quieter with every word. It was mortifying, the mess she had made for herself. She was just glad he had been asleep.  

[BlackPidgeot]

Well... That was certainly unexpected and a little surprising. Flynn rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

"Well... I don't really know what to tell you," he said honestly.  

[Tori Honoo]

Setting aside her coffee again, she leaned forward and pressed her face into her hands, her elbows on her knees. "I know..." came the muffled reply. "I'm sorry.... I-I probably shouldn't have said it in the first place, e-especially given the circumstances..."  

[BlackPidgeot]

"It's all right," he told her patiently. "After what you've been through lately I can't blame you. You can't help what you feel."

Emotions were a funny thing and stress akeays did seem to being things to a head and at the worst possible moment.  

[Tori Honoo]

"I'm an emotional wreck..." she mumbled through her hands, not lifting her head to look at him. "I messed up... None of this should have happened, and I know it's out of my control, but he nearly died, and now the League's champion has been killed, and Jace's parents think I'm incompetent and he's terrified, and Henrietta's hurt by all of this, and my parents expect me to keep promises I didn't fully understand when I made them, and I hate being so out of control..."  

[BlackPidgeot]

Flynn blinked at the sudden flood of words. This was turning into somewhat of an awkward conversation but his desire to help a friend in need overshadowed that.

"A lot has happened," he agreed. "But I don't think the way you see it really reflects reality. You're putting a lot of blame on yourself where it's not deserved and I don't understand why. Yuri did almost die, but he didn't thanks to you. The death of the champion, though terrible, had nothing to do with you, you don't know that's what Jace's parents think and if they did why would it matter, and Henrietta's feelings are a casualty of things you couldn't prevent."

He paused and looked at her sincerely. "Though I don't know the situation with your parents, so I can't say there, but you don't see out of control except on the way that you're burdening yourself unnesecarily."  

[Tori Honoo]

His counter to all of her remarks made her mentally shrink in on herself; he was absolutely right.

"I'm sorry..." she finally apologized, sitting up slowly and leaning back in the chair. She closed her eyes and shook her head slowly. "I'm sorry...I just don't want to burden anyone else with it, but I mean... I'm...doing that now..." she finished lamely, feeling even worse for sitting in his hotel room and making a bigger deal of things. Used to putting the blame on someone or something else, she had now taken on as much as she could, one extreme to the other.  

[BlackPidgeot]

"Then stop putting it on yourself and take things the way they are," Flynn suggested. He then paused as he looked her over for a moment.

"Some rest would be helpful too."

She looked exhausted and he had to wonder how long she had been keeping herself awake while plaguing herself with such thoughts.  

[Tori Honoo]

She looked up at him pitifully. "That's a lot easier said than done, you know..." she told him, with an attempt at half a smile.

The suggestion that followed made her gaze fall. "I...I can't sleep. I've tried. I even thought about asking Henrietta to have Bistra put me to sleep, but I can't even think about hearing a swablu sing right now..." Another pokemon, sure, but swablu and altaria... their songs were special...  

[BlackPidgeot]

"I know," Flynn replied. "But realizing it is half the battle." And he didn't think Dove was really taking it to heart.


At her admission that she couldn't sleep, he frowned lightly. She was them obviously sleep deprived and it was inhibiting her judgement. "How come?"