[FIN] Drowning

[Blood_Goddess]

"No- Luke its not." She said, leaning back enough to put her head against his. "Its okay to feel bad about whats happened. But its still not your fault. Its okay." She tried to tell him. "Its alright."  

[Suudonym]

"I think I know it's not," he said at length, the words murmured. "It feels like it is, though. It feels like I did something horrible. It feels like I threw away something important. It feels..." Grimacing, he moved a hand across his eyes. "...kind of dizzy."  

[Blood_Goddess]

Dizzy? Rosie blinked when he said that and leaned back a little to put her hand over his forehead.
"How much did you have to drink?" She asked hesitantly, but took a step back. "Come on, you should sit down if you're feeling dizzy."  

[Suudonym]

"Not that much, I think," he said, thinking in terms of volume rather than potency. He nodded faintly in response to the suggestion, starting in the direction of the couch but unwilling to move without keeping a hand on Rosie to keep himself steady.  

[Blood_Goddess]

The idea wasn't any less upsetting, as Luke moved away from the door she could tell his uneasiness pretty quickly and acted to provide him and extra support and lead to the couch where he could sit down.
"How much water did you drink?"  

[Suudonym]

He set himself on the sofa heavily, his shoulders slumped and his brow knit as he raised a hand to clear his eyes. Rather than give a verbal response, he answered with a negatory shake of his head.  

[Blood_Goddess]

"Alright, I'll go get you some water." She told him once he had sit down. taking a moment to try and console him, smoothing her fingers though her hair to brush it out of his face, unable but to feel terribly sad for him.

Leaving him for just a moment while she made her way to the kitchen, she returned to him with a glass of water and some tissues.  

[Suudonym]

With some effort he managed to kick off his shoes and draw his feet up onto the cushion so that he could lean against his knees. He listlessly remained that way for the duration of Rosie's absence, setting aside the daunting task of sorting through his emotions and allowing himself to dwell in the murk of the hole he'd dug himself into. When Rosie returned, he reflexively turned his head from her. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I thought I could just... wash all of this off of me and come home and not care about any of it. This is just worse than it was, though..."  

[Blood_Goddess]

She stood for a few seconds with the glass still in her hand, before she leaned forward to place the glass down on the coffee table, and sat down next to Luke.
"Its okay... I'm just... I'm scared for you that you turned to something so dangerous..." She reached her hand out to touch his, trying to get him to look at her. "Why didn't you just come home?"  

[Suudonym]

He stubbornly hid his face against his knees. "Because I hate bringing you all these awful feelings."  

[Blood_Goddess]

She blinked at the reply, straightening up a little on reaction though her shoulders fell as his words really sank in.
"But... I always want you to be able to come to me if there is something wrong." She said, unable to feel a swell of sadness from his words, not just from the thought that he went out drinking instead of wanting to talk to her, but that He was in enough emotional pain to want to even try something to terrible.
"Why?"  

[Suudonym]

He lifted his head slightly, enough to look to her with an expression of confusion as though the answer she asked after was nothing short of common sense. It felt, to him, so obvious that he had difficulty finding the words for a response. "Because I love you," he said at length. "Because I hate being responsible for putting that kind of look on your face. Because I want you to smile, and I want to smile with you, but it's always one thing after another, and it always ends up like this." Feeling on the verge of tears again, he hid his face once more, his words choked and wavering, "Because I was full of myself and promised you happiness even though I'm like this, and it's always one thing after another, and I feel like a liar. I feel like I can't do anything for you even though you always do everything for me."  

[Blood_Goddess]

She got a moment when he looked at her, and from the look alone she could feel the weight of his words before he even said them. But he didn't look at her for very long
"I know what you promised." Said tilting her head a little as he hid his own face again "And I don't doubt it at all... just remember that I also said I wanted to make you happy, and that I would never let you be alone in anything you had to face... That was my choice and I wasn't just saying it becasue it sounded nice."

There was a moment of silence as she blinked very quickly in a grave effort to keep herself from tearing up,
She couldn't deny at all that it was hard, she didn't think anyone who loved someone could say that they enjoyed seeing them in pain and suffering and went about it unfeeling, and the worry she started to have was if her trying to help was making things worse, was she unintentionally doing something wrong.
with her voice strained a little she reached her hands out to place them into his shoulders, speaking softly. "Luke, look at me."  

[Suudonym]

He didn't want to. He didn't want to show his miserable face; he just wanted to fast-forward however many hours were needed to return to a level of normalcy that was enough to pretend that this had never happened. Eventually he resigned himself, even if not fully, tilting his head away from his knees only enough to raise his eyes.  

[Blood_Goddess]

"I love you." She told him, reaching her hands up to either side of his head and leaning her forehead down by his once she got eye contact. "but, first I want you to know that hard time or not, I want to be there for you, even if it gets rough for a while, in the end we'll both be smiling with each other again. I just... I'm sorry if I'm making it seem like I don't want to, or that I'm upset- that's not it."