[FIN] Ultimatum

[lZAYA ORlHARA]

"I never did. Either of those things," he assured Lucas, referring to the basis of his trust and expecting to figure out people easily. That wouldn't be any fun.

What Lucas was proposing didn't sound like much fun either, though. Izaya had to repeatedly remind himself that he was at the end of his rope and he had no other alternatives left to him to keep himself from groaning aloud.

Running a hand through his hair, the grunt tried to seriously ponder over the bespectacled man's question. More freedom, more time off...he couldn't think of anything that the organization would readily allow him. As it was, it seemed almost too much to simply ask for his life to be spared, so what else could help?

"...What if there was an unbiased mediator?" he asked. "Like...well, humans are all too easily biased, but...a pokemon, for instance." An idea quickly began to form in his head. Again, he wasn't sure he liked it, but at this point he was desperate. "A mind-reading pokemon, like a trained Mewtwo. If you gave it to Faleen - or whoever, I don't know - then she or whoever was in charge of it could make sure I'm not lying about anything I say or omitting anything. That I'm not thinking any treasonous thoughts. Naturally, I'd also have to back that up with actions, but as far as fostering trust goes, whether between me and Faleen or just me and the organization in general, wouldn't that be a start?"

Allowing anyone - even a pokemon - to read his mind almost seemed equivalent to willingly becoming a test subject for experiments in the labs to Izaya. Heck, it might have even been worse. But drastic times called for drastic measures, as he well knew.  

[Suudonym]

"Okay," Lucas said slowly, "there are a lot of things I could say about that, but-- Actually," he waved his hands, "no, let's go through them. First of all, pokemon are plenty capable of bias, especially ones with really prominent personalities. If this pokemon developed a mischievous nature and decided it didn't like you, who's to say it wouldn't lie about whether or not you're lying? Or what if you won it over with pokepuffs and whatnot and convinced it not to say anything?"

He continued, "Secondly, a pokemon like that - a Mewtwo, to use your example - it would take quite a bit of experimentation and training to get one that could read a person's exact thoughts. If we could put that kind of thing together effortlessly, our legendaries would be a lot more badass. I'd have to talk to someone over in cloning, but I can't imagine this would be the kind of thing they could just whip up real quick; I don't know what kind of waiting period we're looking at, but it would definitely be longer than the..." he tapped at the 'dex on his desk to illuminate the screen, "...couple hours or so longer that I'm willing to put into this meeting. Something we can look into for the future, maybe, but not an immediate solution.

"Third, you're basically saying that you don't expect Faleen to be unbiased. Son, if there were only one person in this entire place capable of being completely impartial, it would probably be Faleen. And that sort of ties into fourth and finally: Trust doesn't really work that way. If we need a pokemon on you to make a fuss whenever your thoughts don't match your words, how are people ever going to learn to have faith in you without having that pokemon hovering around?"

He brushed a hand through the air, "But anyway. Even if we could pump a pokemon like that out of the labs right now, it wouldn't really answer the problem at hand. What can be done for you now that will make you more willing to trust and work with your teammates? What will help you feel like a team player?"  

[lZAYA ORlHARA]

Pokemon and...pokepuffs. Whatever those were. It didn't seem like Izaya had counted on bribes or factored in pokemon personalities and intelligence. Then he remembered Luciole. That one had a personality, all right, and it certainly wasn't one he would have wanted in his head 24/7.

'Son'. Hahaha. He called me son. Perhaps the pressure was getting to the grunt, but he began to feel a bit giddy. Yes, Faleen the robot. Of course she would be the most unbiased. Well since not she nor anyone else in this facility seems to trust me anymore anyway, what point is there? The next best thing seems like having whatever was implanted in Lance's head be used on me, but I wonder if I might actually prefer to chance death over that...

"I don't know! I don't know," he confessed, perching his elbows on the desk as he put his head in his hands, the picture of exasperation. "I've already been trying to be as much a part of this team as I can. If that's not good enough, I don't know what else to do. Since I had already been improving outwardly prior to my latest mistake, if I could just reset everything so that Faleen and I just went to recruit Icarus and left it at that, everything would have been fine. I thought I had three chances for mistakes left, not one, and I didn't think a little excursion would have been considered traitorous."

See, Aila? he thought with grim amusement. That's all caring for others and making friends does. Faleen felt betrayed because of Lance and now again because of me. I'm going to die because of Delic and you died for my sake. Oh well...maybe this is what they call karma. Maybe I'll be able to see you in the afterlife to apologize. But if I don't end up wherever you are, if you even still exist, I'll just tell you now; I'm sorry.  

[Suudonym]

"It wasn't a mistake though," Lucas explained, gesturing entreatingly as if begging for understanding. "That's the problem. It wasn't a miscalculation or a misunderstanding or an oversight. It was a deliberate betrayal of Faleen's trust and direct orders. How is that to be interpreted except as treasonous, especially if you're talking like you knew you would get in trouble for it?"

Lucas sighed, folded his hand, and rested his mouth and chin against the backs of his fingers in obvious thought. "Okay, look. Your decision itself wasn't a mistake - it was just... just plain stupid. Inexcusably bad. But let's put that aside. I think I've already been over everything, but I want to hear it from you: What mistakes did you make in that situation? What did you do that put you in my office today? Thoughts, feelings, decisions, whatever and as many as you can name. I just want to be sure that you understand."  

[lZAYA ORlHARA]

"I didn't think it would have been considered something to get in trouble for if Faleen understood why I disobeyed her," Izaya answered dully. "That was my mistake."

Again, despite everything, the informant had to smile. Stupidity. Yes, that was pretty much what everyone seemed to believe drove him to do what he did. And maybe it was, along with a mix of curiosity, a touch of insanity, and a good deal of overconfidence. Regardless, to be where he was right now meant it was a terrible combination. Suicidal, even.

Wiping that look off his face, the grunt replaced his cap on his head before answering the elite's question. Where to start? "I asked Faleen for permission to go into town to meet a client without telling her all of my intentions. I dropped in on an old acquaintance who didn't know I was coming and left Faleen on her own to try to recruit her. I then asked to go to the bathroom in an attempt to slip away without my partner's company or notice.

"I also used a Zoroark of mine to take on my appearance in an attempt to distract and delay her as a substitute despite her orders not to do so. I deceived my assigned partner and superior multiple times in the past, did my best to show her I had improved, only to deceive her yet again, betraying whatever trust she had in me by failing to show her the same trust."

He felt like a child being made to confess what he was supposed to learn he did wrong so that he didn't repeat the same mistake in the future. But what point was there if there was no future?  

[Suudonym]

Lucas nodded slightly, "Yes, but you're missing something very basic from the very beginning. Your first and most damning mistake was that you assumed if you told her your real intentions, she would cancel the excursion. You were just visiting a friend, right? That's really all it was? Just someone that you were worried about, that you wanted to check up on and talk to, and you thought that she wouldn't let you go if she knew that? There has to be something more to it for you to have thought that she would never have allowed it."  

[lZAYA ORlHARA]

The grunt paused. "That wasn't the only reason. I really thought Icarus - that past client of mine - would have made a good addition to the organization. I just couldn't recruit her myself, because I'm not an agent, but Faleen is. I'm not sure in the end if Icarus agreed to it, but it sounded like she was thinking about it."

He thought harder. "I didn't think Faleen would have approved of me going to check up on a friend outside of the organization, much less without her supervision. That's pretty much it."  

[Suudonym]

He nodded again, "Right, makes sense. But it's not like you couldn't have visited both places, right? 'Yo Faleen, I have exactly two people I would like to meet with in town today,' or some equivalent." He leaned slightly backwards in his chair, frowning. "If you ask for permission, the worst that can happen is that you're told no. Being told no when asking for forgiveness... very different story. Wanting to go without supervision, though - I can see where you would have had trouble getting an okay on that one, considering you were on probation. Why was it so important to you that you go alone?"  

[lZAYA ORlHARA]

"The worst? What about being told no and possibly instilling a sense of unease or suspicion in that person as to why you might have asked such a thing in the first place? And then you would have to explain yourself." Which he was starting to realize would likely have been expected of him anyway. Joy.

"And if your explanation wasn't thought to be smart, sane, or sound, it might make its way up to the higher-ups that your stupidity deserves a demotion. Or worse. But I suppose no consequence of that could be worse than having your head on the chopping block, unless you're not a fan of torture." Great, now he was probably being disrespectful, talking back with smart-a** comments. Nakura bit his tongue. This discussion was just getting harder and harder to continue.

The grunt's face flushed slightly and he didn't look at Lucas, studying his fingernails as he replied, "Didn't I say? That man-child might have compromised me."  

[Suudonym]

"How does 'I want to check on my friend because I'm worried about them' inspire suspicion? I don't know what kind of impression you have of this place, but it's not like we have a ban on outside relationships or something. As long as you're not prancing around throwing Rocket secrets in your wake, no one can really complain. And certainly no one's ever going to demote you for asking to do something silly, of all things. That's not exactly a transgression worthy of demotion."

He wore a frown characterized primarily by the crease between his eyebrows, his chair rocking mildly back and forth. "So basically," he concluded after a brief silence, "you were embarrassed to be seen with him. But you were on probation, you know. You can't really expect the luxury of privacy on probation, especially when you've been escorted out somewhere on a special occasion. That's something that you'd earn back once people trust you again, right?"  

[lZAYA ORlHARA]

Izaya stared blankly at Lucas. "Oh, well, you know, since the last one I knew of lead to just that, I thought there might have been. But if not, nevermind." He shrugged. "I've been demoted for less."

"No, that's not it," the grunt said, fidgeting some more. "Like I said, he's little more than a child in an adult body. If Faleen was there, he might have started flirting with her as a host or accused me of cheating on him with her despite me not dating anyone or any number of other ridiculous, unjustified notions. I doubt Faleen would have appreciated his teasing, no matter how childish or simple-minded he is."

"Furthermore, I didn't want Faleen to get any wrong ideas about he and I, which is very difficult to do when he insists to anyone who will listen that we're a couple. She also might have believed I wouldn't have been able to handle him if he started throwing one of his tantrums, since he can, if rarely, get somewhat violent. She might even have done something drastic like sent out her pokemon and overall everything would have just been one big mess."

He wearily slid a hand down his face. "Yes, yes, I know. But like I said, I'd been in jail three months and it took me a while more just to get back in Faleen's good graces once I got out. I couldn't wait any longer. That idiot may have easily done something stupid in that time, like..." He faltered. "Like trashing my previous apartment, which is where he's staying at right now!"

Nakura's voice became quieter. "Or...if the police had traced that place back to me, he might have been associated with me as a Rocket due to my having been identified and captured as one. He could have been arrested and imprisoned without even knowing why."  

[Suudonym]

Lucas tapped a thumb dully against the arm of his chair, pausing his rocking when Izaya began to speak to pay proper attention. As his company continued, his head gradually tilted just slightly askance. "If, might, might, if, might, if, if, if," he said, gesturing emptily. "You understand what I'm getting at, right? These are all assumptions that you made without consulting with her about any of it. I would guarantee with 99% certainty that if you had just honestly told her what you wanted to do and warned her about what you were worried about, Faleen would not have denied you the opportunity to meet with your friend, would not have judged you based on your friend's behavior, and would not have been unable to handle the situation regardless of how it developed. Faleen has more mission experience than a lot of people. I think she could handle standing in a room with a guy saying some awkward things."

He waved his hand in his familiar dismissive gesture, muting the sound of his sigh but failing to hide the indicative slouch of his shoulders. "Again, though," he said, "this is moot. The only reason I'm dwelling on it is because I want you to understand that this entire situation could have been avoided if you had been more communicative. However, I'm not getting the impression that you believe that in the slightest. You seem to very stubbornly believe that everything would have gone exactly how you imagine, and short of calling Faleen in here and asking her directly, I'm not sure how to convince you otherwise - if even that would work."  

[lZAYA ORlHARA]

"It probably wouldn't have just been 'saying' awkward things..." the grunt muttered, but added nothing further. Perhaps Lucas was right about Faleen. He had likely just been too paranoid; relied too much again on trusting no one but himself. But he also respected his partner as a professional colleague and to have had her possibly see him in a compromising situation with Delic or think they were a couple would have just been embarrassing beyond repair in his mind, no matter what she might have thought of it.

"No, you're right," Izaya said. "I'm just putting up the useless fight of an animal backed into a corner. I'm not used to trusting and Faleen isn't used to trusting, but evidently she trusted me and I didn't recognize it, so I ended up betraying that trust." He tilted his head. "Are those two hours up?"  

[Suudonym]

Lucas tapped at his 'dex again, looking to the screen as it woke. He shrugged vaguely, "Eh, not yet, but I think I've reached my conclusion anyway." He kept a hand at his pokedex, tapping a few things as he spoke, "Against my better judgment, I'm going to let you walk out of here - because you're right in saying that you were doing well up to that point, and I'm getting the feeling that everything would have gone a lot better if you and your partner knew each other a little better. However, I'll be adjusting my recommendation from earlier into orders. Droid, transcription mode, please."

The 'dex's screen displayed an image of a black and blue Porygon-Z then went briefly black. 'Ready!' appeared upon that blackness, followed quickly by 'Transcribing...'

"First," Lucas began, turning his attention from the screen of the device to the target of his words, "you're going to tell Faleen about your real intentions for that excursion. You're going to tell her what your first and most fatal mistake was and the reason you made it. You're going to explain everything in full, no details left out for any reason, and if she has any questions, you're going to answer just as fully. If she tells you that any of your assumptions were wrong, you're going to believe her. You're going to believe whatever she tells you, because she's your partner and has no reason to lie to you.

"Next, you're going to tell her why you haven't been treating her as a partner - distrusting her, making assumptions without even thinking about asking, putting your pride before your good relationship, so on and so forth. You're going to tell her about all your weaknesses, fears, and insecurities so there's nothing left to hide. You're going to tell her what your goals are and what your motivation is.

"One way or another, you're going to reach an understanding with her; you are not going to stop until you understand her point of view and she understands yours. Once you reach a point where you're both satisfied, you will then go down to medical and schedule yourself to meet with a psychiatrist once a week indefinitely. You will send that schedule to me along with the name of who you'll be meeting with so I can ask them to get in touch with me when they believe that your trust issues have been sufficiently resolved.

"In the long term, you will not lie, conceal truths, or deceive people. When you are asked any question, you will answer fully and truthfully. When you're worried or doubtful about something, you'll bring it up and work out through proper communication. You will not assume anything about anyone. If in six months Faleen has zero negative reports about you, we'll consider lifting or lightening some of your restrictions. When your probation ends depends on your own performance.

"If you lie about anything, even something as irrelevant as the color of your underwear, that will be it. This extends to lies of omission and technical truths. Naturally, lying isn't the only thing that can seal your fate. If you exhibit any behaviors that lead Faleen to believe that your continuing survival is not to the benefit of this organization, you will be terminated. End dictation."

The screen of his pokedex changed once more, first to the message 'Transcription mode closed.' and then a simple spinning graphic, a note beneath it, 'Processing...'

Lucas gave a short, expulsive sigh and leaned forward to fold his arms across his desk. "I'll be sending this to you as well as to Faleen, so that she knows what to expect of you. Izaya, you need to understand that you are not on thin ice anymore; you are already treading water. What happens from now on depends on whether or not you can learn to swim. Now, do you have any questions for me?"  

[lZAYA ORlHARA]

Brows drawing together in consternation, Izaya appeared confused at Lucas' proclamation that he had reached a conclusion. Those brows deepened in further puzzlement when the elite agent explained said conclusion.

Sitting quietly, he watched Lucas speak to his 'dex and the pokemon in it before returning his attention back to him. Inwardly - as usual - his mind was going a mile a minute, mentally retorting things such as the fact that he had already tried to explain things to Faleen and that she hadn't wanted to listen, and that the reason he had wanted to avoid meeting Delic with her in tow in the first place was so that he didn't have to explain about the idiot's habits. There was also the fact that one couldn't simply make oneself believe something without a doubt any more than they could convince someone else. Izaya's lips, however, remained firmly pressed together, refusing to allow a single thought pass them to be spoken aloud. This was not the time to raise a voice of objection - not unless it was to object against the sparing of his life.

So, instead, having no one else to argue with, he began to inwardly counterattack his own points. Perhaps now that Izaya was being ordered to explain, Faleen would listen, because an elite agent had evidently deemed his reasoning important enough for her to hear. Regarding Delic, at least he wouldn't be there to actually do anything to embarrass Izaya while he explained; and with luck, he wouldn't have to elaborate about what, exactly, the playboy might have done that the grunt hadn't wanted his partner to see. Finally, perhaps it was difficult to convince people of particular beliefs, but that was what Izaya did for a living. If anyone could persuade someone - including themselves - to believe in certain truths, why not him? Especially now with the new motivation that if he didn't, death was guaranteed. How much worse could the result be if he made himself depend solely on Faleen's orders?

However, the part about him having to tell her all his 'weaknesses, fears, and insecurities' made him have to fight the tempting urge to roll his eyes. Even if he was willing, who the heck even knew all those things about themselves until they had to confront them? Embarrassment regarding Delic, okay. Fear of dying, fine. But what else did Lucas expect? Why would anyone give a damn about details that weren't relevant to his work as a Rocket, least of all Faleen? One might argue that anything could have ended up being relevant, but his instincts were already screaming against the order to be so open with anyone, let alone telling them his whole life's back-story with only the slight possibility it would be of use in the future. Goals and motivation...? Hadn't he already told her that? Hadn't he told everybody?

Whatever. If he had to repeat himself, so be it. He would be happy to try to understand his partner's point of view if she would just open up to him, but she seemed as reluctant to do that as he was. Izaya had the feeling that even without rest, even at the highest level of determination and openness, it would take days at the very least for them to understand each other's point of view. Still...he supposed one didn't have to agree with another's perspective to understand it. Oh...so it was only until they were both satisfied with their understanding of each other. That might not be so bad. Though...hadn't they tried to have a talk like that some time after they were partnered up together? Perhaps they would have more to discuss this time around.

Ugh...psychiatry? Well, he supposed if Faleen had needed it after Umbreon and he'd told Aulus he'd needed it, he might as well. Could be interesting. From what he understood, all he had to do with a psychiatrist was talk. It was very likely that unlucky person would soon dread his appointments more than he would. They wanted to get inside his head? He'd certainly give them a piece of his mind - probably much, much more than they were expecting or wanted.

No lying, concealing truths, or deceiving people. That...seemed a bit tricky. Everyone kept secrets. Everyone concealed things. If he was asked something, he could answer honestly, but to what point was keeping things to oneself considered 'omission'? If he was asked if he ate breakfast, would it be considered 'omission' not to list every single thing he ate, how he ate it, where he ate it, and who with? This was starting to give him a headache. He hoped they would be reasonable about all this, but he dared not ask the limitations of such things without giving suspicion that he planned to test said limits or that he was being a smart a**.

But now he was keeping these thoughts to himself. Was that considered omission? And he was assuming they would be reasonable about this. Was that assuming too much? Were his orders beyond the normal expectations of what was considered 'reasonable'? It sure sounded like it. If he spent his time bringing up things with 'proper communication', as well as answering questions 'fully and truthfully', Izaya felt he would spend the majority of his time - even more so than now - spouting an endless supply of information, much of which would be pointless to almost anyone.

The grunt stared for a minute after Lucas asked him a final question, trying to think of what to say and what not to say. He couldn't be expected to just shoot his mouth off without a filter no matter how truthful he was being, right? Well, he could ask that, but first things first.

"Not that I'm ungrateful," the black-haired man began slowly, "but...what does your better judgement say and why are you going against it?"