[PRP] An End to Sleepless Nights [ Sleepless / Bitter End ]

[Jun D]

Something in her chest twanged quite loudly when she saw Bitter End’s expression. She hadn’t even known the doe was capable of these emotions. She took a step forward, helpless, and poured out everything that had been weighing upon her ever since she’d given herself up for a radish:

”I mean, yeah, I was scared at first, I didn’t want any of this to happen. All I wanted was to be left alone. I shouldn’t have talked about the root, I made it up because I was being silly, and then I went with it because I was scared. I always thought I didn’t like people - I just can’t talk to them, I can’t do that. It turns out I’m scared of them, like I’m scared of everything I can’t face. I didn’t want to go out there - but, you know, I had to. I wanted to learn about everything, and I couldn’t do that in here. You pushed me out there, and I know so much more now.

You made me have to talk to people - talk to you - and I’m still no good at it, but I’ll always be scared of it, but it’s - it’s important. To know things - to learn things. And I want that more than anything, to learn. I always thought I could do it alone, but - I can’t! In here, alone, I can’t learn anything more than what I know.

And - and people aren’t bad! We’re all trying our best! Even you! I never thought I needed anyone else in my life - wanted anyone else. But after having been with you for so long...we...we did have fun, didn’t we? We saw a lot of things. We learnt a lot. Together, we went so much farther than we would have alone.

And when I was alone again...I...I still like it. Being alone. But...I think...I also like being with you.

I missed you.

You taught me a lot of things. You made me more than I was. I don’t think what happened was anything either of us imagined, but it meant so much more. So even though you’re terrifying and violent and delusional -”

- Okay, reign it in, Sleepless -

“- you’re also strong and, well, sort of cool. You can do anything you put your mind to...when you put your mind to it. I didn’t think I’d ever say this, especially not when you first showed up and turned everything upside down, but...I like you. You did a lot for me.

So...thank you. And...sorry...sort of.”  

[Maxx D]

Unfortunately, tears did well in End's eyes, and she was trying very hard not to cry onto her gift halfway through. Sleepless' keenness and desperation broke the dam - End was pretty oblivious, but she knew it was hard for the doe to speak to people, much less to pour her feelings out to her - and she actually didn't hear much of it while she was trying to calm the shudders of her chest. She did hear the last few compliments, however, and managed to wipe her tears away with a knee.

"Um...I - I'm sorry for pulling you out, and I'm glad you don't hold it against me. I appreciate it. I like to think I know what's going on, but I don't really - I don't know much and it was great to be with you and learn together." Though her self-awareness had increased quite a bit through her travels and the betrayal, she hadn't done too much with her narcissism. She did take a moment to breathe for a bit, swallow and say: "you're very clever and you have such a zest for life - I mean, organic life - that I can't be too sorry I did that. I'm relieved that something good came out of it and I'm sorry I expected you to be my friend - and I'm very thankful you still are. So I'm sorry, and thanks, too. So...OK."

With that, she sniffed a bit and attempted to regain her composure.  

[Jun D]

Sleepless nodded gratefully, touched by the tears but too emotionally exhausted to further expound upon her feelings.

”By the way,” she added, smiling awkwardly, ”I’m pretty sure your ex wasn’t actually into foals.”  

[Maxx D]

That she hadn't thought about, because it had been so long since, it had been fact to her. She spent a long white considering this proposition, reflecting back on the incidents, before breathing out. "I guess you're right. I was too hard on him, too critical of everyone else's faults but mine. He had his....but he wasn't a filly-fiddler." A deep sigh. It was too much introspection on herself for one day, but she had it coming. "I don't think he has to die now. And if anything, at least I made my first friend." She flushed at how childish that sounded, but it was true.  

[Jun D]

”...Yeah. Me too,” she said. And it felt strange, but also good.

And then she stood there sheepishly, not knowing if there was anything else to say.  

[Maxx D]

"OK, that's enough self-awareness and awkward feelings for one day," Bitter End sharply decided, leaning forward to properly gift the berries to her. "I told my mom I'd report back with how it went, so bye. I'll drop by now and then. I'll see you again."  

[Jun D]

She blinked, accepting the berries awkwardly but serviceably.

”Okay, you know where to find me. Bye,” she said, as the doe nodded and left.

She returned to her hollow, laying the berries on an empty plinth, and took a bite. It was sweet, and she sat there, chewing thoughtfully as she looked about her life’s work. She had to get another snailshell, the previous one had to go and she wasn’t quite done studying the internal patterning and what secrets that might reveal. The squirrel skeleton, too, had been overcome by mould - well, it hadn’t quite been a skeleton yet when she’d left - and would need a replacement.

The silence was back, the comfortable one, that settled itself around her shoulders like a cloak that kept her warm. And now she could look forward, too, to the return of her - her friend. Perhaps a while later she could ask if she’d go out with her to see if there was someone she could talk to about snailshells - she can’t have been the only person wondering about the whorls, and perhaps they’d have found a better way of breaking it open than smashing it half-off. She’d feel better talking to someone new with Bitter End there, she thought.

(Even if it was because half of her would be occupied by fury at what was sure to be a riposte on the doe’s part about how pointless snails were.)

This was not at all what she had expected when she had been forced out of her solitude.

But, as always, the Swamp worked in mysterious ways after all.

END