[FIN] Matters of the heart? Complicated business.

[lZAYA ORlHARA]

The black-haired man sneered. “You do realize that what you just described goes against the very definition of being selfish, don’t you?” He turned around again, speaking brightly. “Don’t I smile enough? Or seem happy to you? I’m alive and still able to watch humans that no one else has the opportunity to watch, which is one of the main reasons I agreed to join Team Rocket in the first place. Not to mention I’m still in control of my body and in possession of my own free will. That’s more than anyone in my position could ask for.”

Casting Zacharie an incredulous grin, Izaya rested his bouquet over one shoulder. “It’s not a matter of other types of loved ones more than types of love. Or are you going to play ignorant about that as well?”  

[insidiousEnigma]

The Agent stared at the older man for a long moment before slowly shaking his head. “You don't seem happy.” He said simply. Reading people’s body language may not be his forte, but even he could see that Izaya's smiles were often forced. “But...I can’t imagine what you must be going through so I don’t know how to…” His eyebrows furrowed in distress. “I don’t know how to help you be happy...I don’t know if I even can.”

The Agent turned his gaze up to the ceiling, frowning deeply before he gave a soft sigh that seemed to release some of the tension in his posture. “I’m afraid I’m not entirely sure what you mean.” He looked back at the dark-haired man quizzically before understanding lit up his features. “Oh...I see. Well I suppose it’d be familial love.” He said slowly, thinking of the few people he had given gifts to. His gaze darted away from Izaya as colour began to fill his cheeks. “...Primarily.” He tacked on under his breath.  

[lZAYA ORlHARA]

The older man’s grin faltered. Then he sighed, his shoulders slumped, and he settled for a defeated smile. Izaya walked over with the bouquet still resting on one shoulder and lifted his free hand to place on Zacharie’s shoulder. “It’s not your responsibility to make me happy. I got myself into this mess - all these messes - so now I’m just lying in the bed I made. I can’t complain if it’s not a luxurious feather mattress. The important thing is it’s mine, so I’m content.” He let his hand drop back to his side.

“Primarily, huh?” he repeated, amusement in his tone. “Are you uncertain?”  

[insidiousEnigma]

“I know it's not my responsibility,” Zacharie murmured, reaching up to pat Izaya’s hand. He paused, his fingers just barely touching the back of the others hand before he let his hand drop as the older man's went back to its owner's side. “But I want to make you happy.” He thought over what he had said before sighing. “Well...I want to help. It'd be stupid to think I alone could do that but…” His mouth snapped shut and shook his head. “Not uncertain, no.” He averted his eyes, obviously avoiding elaborating on his statement.  

[lZAYA ORlHARA]

“I don’t know why you’re concerned with my happiness when you have your own to worry about,” Izaya said mildly. “You’re an agent now; that’s a big accomplishment. I’d be pleased if I were you. Not risking my new status trying to find out how I can better the life of a worthless, trouble-making traitor. After betraying the last two agents who stuck out their necks to help him - two of the most promising and loyal Team Rocket has ever had, I might add - I wouldn’t doubt he’d drag me down with him, too. You’re a logical thinker and a scientist, aren’t you? It doesn’t take a genius to know nothing good can come of associating with me. Especially with the status I have now.”  

[insidiousEnigma]

Zacharie scuffed his sneaker against the floor before carefully rubbing the faint, black mark out. “I've already told you why...and if I hadn't told you you probably already know anyway.” He grumbled, tugging on the hem of his shirt. “I'm not risking anything...like you said, I've thought things over. I may want to be closer to you but I'm not going to do anything that would get myself in trouble.” He scowled faintly but shook his head. “I've got people to protect and I can't do that if I'm dead or locked in some cell. So...so stop using that argument against me.”  

[lZAYA ORlHARA]

“Don’t remember why,” the ex-Rocket claimed off-handedly, deciding to be cruel and drape himself over the back of the agent. He continued to hold onto the bouquet, keeping it tucked under Zacharie’s chin almost as if it were a knife. The grip of his arms around Zacharie was casual, though, and he could have been shrugged off if the younger male so chose to.

“If you want to do anything to help me, that’s already grounds for getting yourself into trouble,” he said, practically speaking into the agent’s ear as Izaya rested his chin on his arm. “They were very particular about the conditions of my continued survival. So focus on the people you want to protect and I’ll take care of myself. Just like I’ve always done. I’m actually fairly good at it.”  

[insidiousEnigma]

Zacharie’s breath caught in his throat and it took all of his willpower to not squirm from beneath Izaya’s grip. He didn’t want to move away...he just wasn’t sure what he should do. In his shoujo manga this would probably be a moment that was surrounded in sparkles. “I-I think you’re lying.” He stuttered, keeping his gaze forward in hopes of keeping the other from seeing his flushed face.

Not that it really mattered because his ears were as red as his face.

The Agent shivered and sucked in a sharp breath, practically vibrating in place at the others proximity but he turned to give the other a wide-eyed, but serious look. “Don’t tell me what to do.” He wished he could sound firm, but it was difficult to sound anything remotely close when he felt so breathless. His gaze lowered to the older man’s mouth for a brief moment before they snapped back up to meet his eye. “I’m trying,” He murmured. “But you don’t make it easy for me to look out for you.”  

[lZAYA ORlHARA]

Izaya buried his head against his draped arm and groaned into it. “You can’t have everything, Zacharie,” his muffled, tired voice said. “I’m not in the same boat as the others you care for. You can’t protect us all. Like I said, enough people have already tried to help me out and have paid a price one way or another. They’ve all come to regret it. If you get caught even sympathizing with a traitor, that in itself is enough to have them strip you of your authority and throw you in the brig; maybe even label you a traitor yourself. So do yourself, everyone you want to protect, and everyone who cares about you a favor and don’t make the same mistake.” He leaned against the higher-up for a few more minutes before finally lifting his head and allowing his arms to slip from Zacharie’s shoulders, the flowers of the bouquet brushing his cheek as they passed. “Merry Christmas.”  

[insidiousEnigma]

“Don’t tell me what to do.” The younger boy repeated, turning as the other pulled away so he could face him. He reached out to take a hold of Izaya’s free hand, keeping his grip light because he knew the other didn’t like to be man-handled but firm enough that he could feel the others warmth seep into the palm of his hand.

He kept his gaze fixed on their hands as he took a deep breath, then released it. “I really like you, Izaya.” He blurted before he lost his nerve. “Not like I like Jerome, not like I like Andre...I like you r-ro-romantically.” His voice cracked a bit and he bit his lip briefly, but charged onward. “So that means that no matter what I’m going to worry about you.” He let go of the others hand, even though he really didn’t want to. “But I will be looking after myself and the others too...so don’t worry about me getting into trouble. Anyway…” He fidgeted. “Y-Yeah...uhm, Happy Christmas.”  

[lZAYA ORlHARA]

The informant stared nonchalantly at their hands when Zacharie took his and then lifted that very same stare to weigh on Zacharie himself. His expression didn’t change upon hearing the agent’s confession, but an intense war was being waged behind those crimson eyes.

“...” He was silent for a long time, sometimes seeming to regard the purple-haired man, sometimes appearing to lose his focus and look through him instead. He didn’t look away even when his hand was released. At last, he opened his mouth. “Needn’t I?”

Izaya closed in on the Rocket and put his arms around him again, but this time so they were face to face and the bouquet was held behind Zacharie’s back. “...Fine. You want to learn the hard way? Let’s do this the hard way.”

He tilted his head slightly and leaned over to meet the agent’s lips with his own, closing his eyes as he did so.  

[insidiousEnigma]

Having expected the older man to leave the conversation at that and be on his way, Zacharie found himself at a loss when Izaya just...stared at him. Normally, he would enjoy the others attention but now it just made him anxious.

He wasn’t expecting anything in response. As always, he spoke what he thought, what he felt, and left it for the other to choose what to do with the information. Though he normally liked to take a more aggressive stance in getting his point across or getting what he wanted, he felt that it was important to let Izaya take what he wanted. He didn’t want to force anything, didn’t want the other to feel obligated, didn’t want to cause any undue stress.

His persistence probably was a stressor...but he did want his point to get across.

“You really-” His mouth snapped shut as the informant stepped into his personal space once again. Any and all protests died on his tongue because his mind was suddenly very blank. Izaya was very, very close and he smelled very, very nice and looked very, very pretty and...was he getting closer?

What...what should he do?

The Agent’s immediate reaction was to tense up. It wasn’t like it was an unwanted gesture...he may or may not have entertained the idea of kissing the older man once or twice but it had seemed so unlikely (and honestly, he very rarely thought of such things) that he had dismissed it.

Should he?
Would it be alright if he…?

After the delayed response, he hoped Izaya wasn’t too put out, his hands cautiously came to rest on the others waist as he gingerly returned the kiss.  

[lZAYA ORlHARA]

The ex-Rocket eventually opened his eyes to meet Zacharie’s blue-green ones and said, “In my culture, Christmas isn’t celebrated as a religious holiday because most of us aren’t Christian. Instead, they treat it as something of an alternate Valentine’s Day. It’s usually spent with lovers.” He tilted his head. “What do you think is going to happen if the Rockets monitoring me get wind of this?” He didn’t pull away, nor did he remove his arms from around the agent.  

[insidiousEnigma]

It was Zacharie's turn to stare rather vacantly.

“I don't…” He didn't quite understand the relevancy of this information. Was Izaya trying to tell him they were...were....he couldn't even think it without his head getting dizzy. “O-Oh…” He lifted his gaze from the others mouth to meet his eye. Is that where he'd been staring the whole time? That was ruderuderuderude but his attention, and thus his eyes, were drawn to the informant’s mouth.

Zacharie’s fingers curled into the fabric of the others uniform, “If there was a rule against being close to you,” He said slowly, a hand releasing its grip so he could carefully rub the others back in what he hoped was a reassuring manner. “Then they would have talked to me when I first made my intention to become close to you known; but if they do take issue with...w-with…” He'd paused, having found himself inching closer unconsciously. He cleared his throat, looked away. “I'll be happy to have a conversation about this with them.”  

[lZAYA ORlHARA]

After hearing Zacharie through, Izaya began to snicker and then laugh aloud. He of course noticed the other male’s eyes continue to rest on his mouth and couldn’t help but find it cute. He doubted it was because he was hanging on his every word or trying to practice reading his lips.

The touch against his back made him tense up faintly, but he did his best to try to relax so as not to reveal his anxiety to the younger man. “What do you mean by ‘when you first made your intention to become close to me known’? Are you talking about just now, when you mentioned romantic feelings? Or a different occasion?” he asked with a smile. “Even after Faleen left, they haven’t exactly allowed you to take her place regarding my project, have they? And perhaps they assumed that as long as I kept a distance between us, there would be no cause for concern. That might change now, though.”

Izaya gently tapped the bouquet of flowers against Zacharie’s back as he thought. “You can talk with them all you like, but I wonder if they won’t consider you emotionally compromised by me.” He shrugged. “Whatever the case...I’m still an information broker. And you just provided me with a very crucial piece of information, which means I’m indebted to you. I really dislike being indebted to people...so now that I owe you, what request would you have for me?” He beamed cheerfully at the purple-haired Rocket. “I don’t have much money now that I’m not getting paid by the organization anymore, but perhaps I could pay you back some other way. For example...do you want to start going out?”