So what now? (Katydid50 x 5Bulletproof-Marshmellows)

[Katydid50]

When he heard Elenore's voice, Daniel was both surprised and not. He was surprise because, well, he couldn't think of any reason why she would be calling him. He was not surprised because she was one of the few people who ever called him. At her question as to whether he was busy or not, he said, "Uh, no." He cast a glance towards the kitchen doorway. The smell of cooking bacon was wafting through the house. A gut instinct told him that he wouldn't be getting to eat it anytime soon.

His thoughts raced as to why she would be calling him, even more so as he tried to figure out why she wanted to know if he was busy or not. Did she want to talk? Did she want to meet up? Why? He never would have second guessed her like this before they'd slept together but now he seemed to be analyzing everything she said and did in regard to him. It was a good thing no one could read his mind. He didn't care what people thought about him but he didn't want them knowing just how effeminate his analyzing made him feel.

When she spoke again, he blinked. He had expected that but it still, for some reason, came to him as a surprise. With another wistful glance at the kitchen, he said, "Yeah, sure." He knew she wouldn't call him up this early just to talk with him for the sake of talking. She must have something important to tell him, something that couldn't wait. The only question was: What?

"Where did you want to meet?" He would have hardly had time to eat breakfast and get to work. It would have to be somewhere close to their work if either of them wanted to get there on time, though he doubted he would get into too much trouble if he showed up late. He wasn't exactly important. But Elenore was and he didn't want her to get in trouble with Ruggles. Especially not with Ruggles. He still didn't like the way the man seemed to watch Elenore whenever she was around him. It wasn't his right to do anything about it, since they were just friends, but he would make sure Ruggles watched his step, no matter the cost.  

[5Bulletproof-Marshmellows]

She almost sighed with relief when he said that he wasn't busy. Sure she could have waited a couple of days to tell him so that she could bring herself into a more calm state and not scare him off but she was too eager to tell him despite the fact that it was very possible that he would want nothing to do with the child. After all he had made things go back to the way they were before.. The two of them just being friends. Biting her lower lip, she lowered her head a bit before closing her eyes once more. She still wanted to be with him.. and she knew the only reason that he forced things to be this way is because he was afraid for her safety as well as her children's. Elenore would convince him otherwise sometime..

A soft smile appeared on her lips when he said yes. So he agreed to meet with her. Hopefully her heart wouldn't burst by the time she actually got to see him. Hearing his next question though, she gave it a quick thought.. he would probably want to head to work.. her home wasn't too far from the company, about a mile. He would still be able to make it on time. "My place perhaps?" she asked him. Getting up, she picked up one of the stuffed animals that Deserai had left lying around. There were only three of them out this time and the rest of the house was clean so she wasn't worried about having him over.

Picking them up slowly, she then walked to the girl's room and put them on her bed. Closing the door once again, she then went back into the living room and sat down. "I'll see you in a bit then?" she asked him, not sure if he would want to come now or later but she hoped he would come now. She didn't think she would be able to wait all day to tell him about everything.
((Short =( ))  

[Katydid50]

Daniel slowly nodded when Elenore suggested her place. He all but smacked himself in the head, since she couldn't see his nod, and said, "Yeah, sure." It was better than anywhere else. Her place was pretty close to work so he wouldn't have to worry about being late or, more specifically, her being late. He didn't want to give Ruggles even more of a reason to spend time around her or dock her pay or anything like that.

He could hear movement in the phone's background but ignored it. She was probably just picking up stuff. If her apartment was still like it had been the few times he had been over, there was probably stuffed animals littered everywhere. At her words, he nodded again before rolling his eyes. "See you then." He hung up the phone before running a hand over his face. The smell of cooking food reached him and his stomach complained loudly. Oh well. It wouldn't be the first time he skipped a meal and it certainly wouldn't be the last.

Walking back into the kitchen, he reluctantly turned off the oven top. He couldn't risk leaving it on. One, he wouldn't have time to come back and finish it so it would burn. Two, it would probably burn his house down. The bacon wasn't cooked enough to eat so he had no other choice but to throw it away, something that practically killed him when he remembered all the nights he had gone to sleep hungry and all the people he had met who had looked half-starved.

Grabbing his keys off the counter, he left the house, not bothering to lock it since there was no one around to break in and because there was nothing in there worth stealing. Crossing over to his truck, he climbed in before starting the engine. All the while he drove towards the city and Elenore's, he tried to think of anything that would be so important that it couldn't wait. Nothing came to mind which confused him even more. When he finally arrived at her place, he turned off the truck, climbed out and locked the doors before entering the building and ascending the stairs to her door where he knocked and waited.  

[5Bulletproof-Marshmellows]

((I hate writer's block.. the most I can come up with is about a paragraph and it's been like this for the past four days. =/ Grrrrr. ))  

[Katydid50]

((Just post it and we'll move on from there))  

[5Bulletproof-Marshmellows]

After she had gotten off the phone, she looked around her apartment, it looked empty without her kids there and the stuffed animals littering the living room carpet. Wrapping her arms around her waist, she felt a bit cold. She still had no idea how he was going to take the news. Biting her lower lip, she glanced at the front door before she walked around some more but then she started to feel dizzy so returning to her previous sitting position was a must.

When the knock finally came Elenore felt her heart jump. It was him of course, there was no one else that would be there at this time, this early in the morning. Walking over to the door, she unlocked it, she had gotten into the habit of locking the door a while back, and opened the door. "Hey." she said softly before stepping to the side and opening the door a bit wider so that he could enter. "Come on in." she told him, doing her best to hide her excitement even though the smile keep reappearing but she kept herself from grinning like the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland.  

[Katydid50]

Daniel waited patiently, one hand shoved into the pocket of his jeans while the other rested against the side of his thigh, his index finger tapping the tune of a song that was stuck in his head. He had since given up trying to figure out what Elenore had to tell him, deciding that he wasn't going to find out until she told him herself.

When the door opened, he blinked, his eyes focusing on Elenore's face. He slowly raised an eyebrow. Whatever it was she had to tell him, it couldn't have been too bad if she could just barely stop herself from all out grinning. As it was, it looked like she was having trouble not smiling. She was also failing at it, very badly. At her words, he nodded and walked inside. The apartment was much cleaner than he had last seen it. Although, the last time he had seen it, it was his and Damien's blood that was making the mess. He felt bad about that but at least it hadn't stained.

After a quick scan of the apartment, hen turned his attention back to Elenore, turning to face her. "So, what was it you had to tell me that it couldn't wait until we saw each other at work?" It probably would have been easier there. Here, they were completely alone, the first time they had been alone since they'd slept together.  

[5Bulletproof-Marshmellows]

Biting her lower lip nervously, she walked past him towards the dinning area. "Sit down." she told him, not wanting him to fall over since she had no idea how he would react and that was one of the possibilities. Swallowing, she sat down at the table and felt her heart pounding in her chest. Looking at him, she decided that getting coffee first might be a good idea. "Do you want anything to drink?" she asked Daniel, unsure if he would say no or not, she got up anyway and went to the kitchen where the water was already boiling.

Shivering slightly, she closed her eyes as she pulled out two cups, her hands shaking a little. Pouring some coffee for herself since she hadn't heard his answer yet, she then added two cubes of sugar and stirred it with a teaspoon. She couldn't help but remember the last time they had been alone.. it seemed so long ago. It had been a month.. about at least. It pained her.. but what else could she do? Corner him? He could easily push past her.. and she didn't want to reserve to such methods. Turning towards him, she smiled a bit before setting the cup of coffee down on the table. Did he want some?

Leaning against the counter for a moment, she ran her fingers through her red hair. Of course she was happy, she was excited.. maybe slightly overexcited. Deciding to pour him a cup of coffee, she then put some sugar into it, stirred it, and placed it in front of him before sitting down. "I wan-" no, that's not the way she wanted to say it.."Daniel, I-" no that wasn't it either. Taking in a deep breath, she looked into his ice blue eyes. "I'm pregnant." there.. she had said it. So much for breaking it to him easy. She was smiling but at the same time she was watching closely for his reaction.  

[Katydid50]

Daniel watched Elenore curiously, and somewhat warily. Some instinct told him that something was wrong but he couldn't think of what. Either way, he followed her into the dinning area, taking a seat at the table when she bade him to. He watched as she sat down as well only to get up again a few seconds later, asking him if he wanted anything to drink. He started to point out that they would have to leave for work soon anyway but stopped at the last moment. Something was obviously on Elenore's mind and work wasn't exactly very high on his list of priorities. "Yeah, sure. Coffee, thanks," he told her.

While Elenore busied herself in the kitchen, Daniel rested his forearms on the table, one hand resting over the other. While he waited for her to return, his mind, of its own volition, traveled back to the night they'd shared together. That night, from what he could remember, had been amazing, and not just because she was the first woman he'd slept with in a long time. He'd been with plenty of women during his younger years but none of them had had anything on Elenore. And since that night, despite himself, he had found himself wanting her. It was, quite frankly, embarrassing for someone of his age and self-control.

But it was more than that, more than just the physical. He had lived on his own for so long and to suddenly have the kind of connection he had with Elenore... It was like a person who didn't know how badly a pain hurt until it was gone. He had been alone, and lonely, for so long and then Elenore had come into his life. The last month without her companionship had been painful and he hoped they could find a way to get past it. He truly did miss her.

Then, Elenore returned. She placed the cup of coffee down in front of him and he took a drink from it. Just the way he liked it. It was eerie. Michael would have called it fate. When she started to speak, he turned his focus on her. She stumbled over her words and he frowned slightly but didn't speak, waiting for her to get her thoughts into order. She took a deep breath and finally got out what she wanted to say.

Daniel simply sat there, staring at her, completely oblivious to the smile on her face, to the coffee in front of him, to anything at all. His pulse thudded in his ears. His mind had gone completely blank and all he could do was look at her as he tried vainly to understand what she had just told him. Elenore was pregnant. His eyes lowered to where the table blocked her stomach from his sight. She was going to have a baby. His baby. His son or daughter.

He didn't know when but his hands had started shaking. He ran a trembling hand over his face. "Are... Are you sure?" She could be mistaken, couldn't she? There had to be some mistake. He couldn't be a father. He just couldn't.  

[5Bulletproof-Marshmellows]

First his hands started to shake. That couldn't possibly be a good sign. She took a sip of her coffee before noticing his eyes lower and she wrapped her arms around her stomach that was currently flat for the moment. She swallowed. Did he not want the child? In the end she would keep the baby no matter what happened, she wouldn't allow any harm to come to the tiny being. Elenore couldn't quite describe his reaction in words but to her it didn't look too good. It almost seemed like Daniel was in denial and perhaps he was..

"Yes." she answered his question, her expression mixed with concern, happiness, and protectiveness as well. It was an odd combination but it worked out in the end. "I only became certain this morning... or earlier this morning.. so I called you." she told him. If he started saying that it was his kid, she wouldn't try to convince him though she certainly hoped it wouldn't come to that. Lowering her head briefly, she couldn't help but wonder if he would want to name their child or participate in any of that. Elenore did want to be with him, she still cared for him more than ever but.. she wouldn't force him to stay.

A shaky sign escaped her once more. She would have to explain everything to her kids sometime as well. Grace or Nicholas would be the first to notice anything but Deserai would be the first to ask. Looking at Daniel once more, she didn't know what to do. She wanted to hug him and share her joy but he did not look happy.. maybe he would be when the words sunk in though she wasn't too sure about that. Drinking some more of the coffee, she then warmed her cold hands against the cup, silently wishing that she could spend the day with him and not just as friends. Would this even break their friendship, if someone could even call it that? Maybe she could speak with Micheal about this.. he knew Daniel well from what she could tell but how much did he know about what had happened? She doubted that Daniel had said anything about it.

I still want to be with you.. she wanted to say those words so badly but she didn't want it to seem like she was using the pregnancy as the excuse for it.  

[Katydid50]

When she told him she was sure, it felt like someone kicked Daniel in the chest. The breath was forced out of him and he silently struggled to regain it. His mind, which had previously been blank, raced with thoughts, unable to settle on one before it sped on to the next. He didn't hear her following comments. The only sound he could hear was was the racing of blood through his body, thudding in his ears. His heart thumped painfully in his chest, so strongly that he could feel it.

Elenore was pregnant with his child. In nine months -probably closer to eight- she would give birth to his son or daughter. It seemed to unreal and yet he felt the truth of it weigh heavily on his shoulders. He was going to be a father... and yet he knew he couldn't. He couldn't be part of that child's life for the same reasons that he couldn't be part of Elenore's and her children's. That knowledge hurt, more than he expected it to considering he had only just found out about the child. It felt like someone had taken a shovel and tried to dig out his heart. They hadn't succeeded though, he knew, because it was still there and hurting.

Swallowing thickly, he brought his gaze back to Elenore's face. She was going to hate him. What self-respecting woman wouldn't? Perhaps, if he could at least have been around, she wouldn't but she couldn't even have that. They couldn't even have that.

"I am so sorry," he said quietly, hardly above a whisper. He couldn't have anything to do with the child. He just couldn't. He would ruin his or her life, even inadvertently. He had to keep them -mother and baby- safe. "I'll help pay for things, of course, but I can't be any more involved than that," he said in a normal voice. He wanted to be, wanted that more than he'd ever wanted anything, but it couldn't be.

He hoped she understood, hoped she wouldn't completely hate him. Hoped she would take the money. She already had three kids and he knew things were tough enough as it was. He would pay for everything that was needed, and more. His job wouldn't cover all that but he would find a way to make ends meet. If it came to it, he always had his stashes to fall back on, and he still had contacts around, people that owed him favors. When he had turned his back on that life all those years ago, he had sworn that he would never go back but things had changed. It wasn't just about him anymore. If worse came to worst, he could always find some kind of job. Even though he'd been out of the game for over ten years, he still had a reputation and he would fall on that if he had to.  

[5Bulletproof-Marshmellows]

He was silent for what seemed like an eternity and during that time her heart raced. Would he never want to see her again? Men always had different reactions to pregnancies. Some got extremely anger, others went into denial.. of course there were the men that were happy about it.. but then some even saw it as a chore. Closing her eyes, she let out a soft sigh, trying to calm down since she felt like she was about to drop into an abyss and that wouldn't end well. Staring into her cup of coffee with her elbows on the table and her hands keeping her head up, she continued to wait until she heard the words that she wished hadn't escaped his lips.

He was apologizing. There was nothing to apologize for! Closing her eyes tightly, she then opened them to look at him. "You're sorry?" she shook her head. "This isn't some sort of mistake." this obviously was going down the wrong road but then he spoke again before she could get anything else out. He wasn't going to stay. A chill ran over her and she closed her mouth slowly.

Tears started to well up in her eyes and she lowered her head. He didn't want to be part of their child's life. He had barely agreed to be part of her life.. and then only as friends. She wanted to grab his shoulders and shake him, knock some sense into him at least. He wasn't a bad person! He was the person she loved. How could he not understand that he had so much more to him than his past? Her hands balled up into fists before she took in a deep breath and placed her palms on the table.

"I don't want your money." she said in a low voice and it was cold this time around. Of course she would probably need it once the child was born but she didn't want it. "You could be more involved." if only he could forget about his past for just one moment and look into his future that he wanted.. perhaps he would be able to get it.. and she understood that his dream could so easily not involve her. If she didn't know that he actually cared about her, she would have thought that he had just needed her for that one night.. but no. Things were so much more complicated than that.

Running her fingers through her hair, she then finished off the coffee that was in her cup and got up, taking it to the sink. Turning on the water, she placed a few fingers on her now trembling lips as her eyes closed, letting a tear run down her cheek. She didn't want him to see her like this. Letting out a breath of air that had been captured in her lungs for far too long, she knew very well that she couldn't break down. She had thr- no four kids depending on her to be a strong mother. Elenore couldn't curl up on the cold tile kitchen floor and lay there helplessly as much as she wanted to. She couldn't break the mug against the wall to release the anger that she was storing.. and she couldn't allow anymore tears to fall. Rinsing the cup with a shaky hand, she then turned off the water, set the cup down, and leaned against the counter. Elenore didn't know how to face him at the moment but she knew she at least had to say good bye to him.  

[Katydid50]

Daniel just shook his head. She said it wasn't a mistake but how wasn't it? She already had three kids to care for and he was hardly father-of-the-year material. He had a criminal record, both official and not, as long as she was tall. He'd been in prison, he'd been in a gang, he'd killed people for money, power and in cold blood. He'd broken people's limbs over debts, he'd set buildings alight with people trapped inside, he'd managed brothels and fighting dens and drug rings. She had no idea how much pain he had caused so how could she say that him fathering a child wasn't a mistake? How could it be anything else?

At the sight of the tears building in her eyes, Daniel had to look away. He hated that he was, once again, causing pain to an innocent person. He just couldn't do anything right, it seemed, but he knew that keeping his distance from her and their child was the best thing for them. If he stayed, he would just end up causing her more pain. It was better this way. Better for her, better for the kids.

At the comment that she didn't want his money, he could have said so many things -'You may not but you need it.' 'Too bad. I'm going to give it to you anyway.'- but he didn't say any of them. The ice in her tone made his heart skip a beat and he looked up again. He had heard cold tones before but never from her and it hurt. She was angry with him and he couldn't blame her. If he were her, he would be angry with him too, furious even. It wasn't fair on her, he knew, for him to sleep with her, get her pregnant, then not be involved. But why couldn't she see that he was doing this for her? He wasn't a good person. He had done horrible things in the past and last month's debacle just proved to him that he would never be able to fully escape his past. It would come looking for him one day and he didn't want Elenore and the kids caught up in the fallout.

Silently, he watched as Elenore got up from the table and went over to the sink, rinsing out her cup and setting it down. She didn't turn back towards him, instead just standing there, her hands pressing against the counter. He couldn't blame her. He doubted he'd be able to look himself in the mirror after this. He just had to keep telling himself that it was for the best for everyone.

He'd only had one sip of his coffee but he couldn't bring himself to drink any more. He felt sick to his stomach and something else, something he hadn't felt in a long time: Self-loathing. He had hoped never to feel it again but it seemed that life, God, the universe, whatever was in control had other plans for him.

Unable to sit there anymore, he got up. He couldn't stay there a second longer, couldn't stay knowing the pain that he was causing her, knowing that her tears were because of him. "I should go," he said quietly, unable to even look at her. "Work to get to and all that." It was a pathetic reason but it was a reason to leave. "I truly am sorry." Without waiting for a reply from her, he made his way to the door and left.  

[Katydid50]

((Bump))  

[5Bulletproof-Marshmellows]

Hearing him get up, her heart raced. She wanted him to stay.. of course it would be a huge step.. but she couldn't help it. Biting her lip, she lowered her head, her hair falling to frame her face as her fingers curled slightly, trying to stay quiet. Work? He really wanted to go work. No.. he didn't.. he just was trying to get out. The next thing she heard was him apologizing and then he was out the door. Blinking, trying to comprehend that he had already left, she stood there for a second, frozen.

Her heart tightened before she went out after him, not even bothering with shoes. Running down a few steps before cutting off his path by putting out her arm and placing her hand against the wall, standing in front of him as well. She wasn't thinking about what she was doing.. she rarely asked for anything and here she was.. doing this. It didn't matter. She would step past her pride if she had to.. and she was. "Daniel.." she took in a deep breath, her eyes searching his own. Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"Please.. I know.. this is a lot to take in.. but please.. please think about it." she bit her lower lip once again, not knowing what he would decide in the end. "Don't rush your decision.. just consider the options.. carefully." she swallowed, she wanted to hug him.. to kiss him. She wanted to be with him. Elenore cared about him deeply.. she didn't want to let him go.. but if she had to.. if he didn't feel anything towards her anymore.. then what choice did she have? Her frame was shaky slightly from everything that had happened in the past few moments. Stress did no good to her.. but it couldn't be avoid now.

Her emerald green eyes stared into his ice blue ones. She loved him. She really did.. and yet he was still pushing away because he thought he was a threat. It drove her crazy.. Waiting quietly, she didn't know what he would do now.. but if he did leave.. she hoped he would at least speak to her again.
((Sorry it's not that long >.< ))