Welcome to Gaia! ::

i got source film maker too! it'll have to wait though.
gotta get that new rig built

Did I mention a piece of my brand new filling fell out already. I'm going to have to get it adjusted on Thursday. If it's falling apart already then I'm going to probably ahve to get it redone.

JOY

I have no idea what the ******** I did. Probably nothing.

I wish my parents weren't broke as ********. I was going to use my own money to get the composite white fillings, even though they were not going to last as long. I convinced myself it was a bad idea because honestly, financially speaking, it was. My parents had to borrow what little money I still had saved. So I decided SOUR GRAPES I didn't really want composite anyway! HERE TAKE MY MONEY AND GO TO NEW YORK CITY FOR A WEEK. GET THE LITTLE ******** AWAY FROM ME.

At least dental covers this. I can't afford to see a doctor or psychologist, maybe I should just start drinking heavily.

I guess I'll resume my job search. It's always nice to feel unwanted and inadequate because anonymous people don't think you're any good.

Sorry bra, some of us have jobs to go to.

I'm here now though. o;

So, I pretty much feel like garbage.

I don't want to be dead.

I just don't want to be here, living this life, day after day, until I die.

So in fact, suicide is the opposite of what I want. Because if I was dead now, I'd have died a pointless death to end a perfectly pointless life. Life doesn't suck. My life sucks. I'm trying to remember a high point that wasn't somehow soured. I whittled away some otherwise uncomfortable hours reading some books. The books were nice, but did not fill any voids in my life, or cure my ills. There's my career as a potter. It's just depressing. I'll probably never make money doing this. I feel like I'm wasting my time when I'm in the studio, but at least I'm not at home.

I hate being here. Being out and stuff is exhausting and maybe out of my comfort zone but this place is like soul poison.

I don't really like anyone. No one really likes me. People seem repelled by me, and that's also pretty depressing. Mostly though, I'm repelled by them. I have trouble seeing the good in anyone lately. Everyone is insincere and no one could really give too shakes about my little existential dilemmas, and honestly, why would they?

Would anyone say to the contrary?

Sorry I'm barfing all over your wonderful discussion. Except not really. Too busy being sorry for myself.

I like you when you're not on my balls about something. And considering it's been a while since that happened, I figure we're doing pretty good. It's cool that you're into pottery and stuff too. It's great to have some way of being creative. I need to do that more. I like drawing and I think I'm not too bad at at it, but I'm also really lazy and almost always feel like playin' some game over actually trying to be creative and express myself. It's bad and I need to get out of that mindset. BUUUT I PROBABLY WON'T DURR

I guess it is not very friendly of me not to show interest in your pottery and gardening and stuff. Um... does it help if I say it's not just yours I'm not interested in, but rather just those things in general? sweatdrop

I'm genuinely touched, David. No, I really have no place telling you what you should or shouldn't have an interest in, and I know deep down that what we, as a group, in the spam can have in common is a love of video games. There was a time where the cult was full of artists, but they were all about drawing. I guess it makes sense, because Gaia is kinda anime themed.(I guess I found something else we all have in common!)

I don't really think I can expect anyone to like my pottery. If I really was hurt that noone did I'd pack up my bags and head out for the /r/pottery, which I am sure exists. I am, however terribly uncomfortable with the idea of becoming a redditor.

You should get back into drawing, you're right, you have a knack for it. You just need to feed the knack a couple hundred hours of your life. I am told that if your skill and ability never catches up to your sense of taste then you have the mind of an artist.

R.I.P. GLENN