The Rooftop

[dj_takuya]

((Sorry for my absence.))

Alex tilted his head to one side as he mulled over that thought. On the one hand, the possibility of actually being able to realize one of his dreams hung teasingly before him. He wanted to prove to himself his courage, and be able to say he had realized his dream.

But on the other hand, it would mean being braver than he thought he could be. He would have to believe in his dream and himself, and he wasn't sure he could do that. In and of itself, that was unsettling enough, but when compounded with his waning sense of self-confidence it formed a tempest of uncertainty in his stomach.

He winced with emotional pain. He hated feeling this way. And there was only one way he could get over it. If he faced his fears and went through with it, going into space, now that he had a chance. He nodded once, fiercely and clenched a fist at his side at the same time. "Ok, I'll do it. Let's venture into the stars together." In addition, despite his fatigue, the idea of spending more time with Kira pleased him.  

[-ProcrastinatingSpazz-]

Great, his uncertainty had built some up in Kira as well. She hated enclosed spaces. The dance had been bad enough, stressful enough to draw out her ears and tail before anything had even begun. What damage would a spaceship do, while she knew she'd be trapped and unable to exit it until their arrival? How long would the trip even take? What if she lost it and hurt someone who was trapped inside with her? What if she made it to the pilot and insured everyone's death?

She bit her lip, her face twisting with anxiety. She'd been excited before she'd bothered to think about the negative possibilities. She'd really, really have to look into some sort of sleeping pill that'd keep her knocked out for the entire trip... God, but that thought was so terrifying as well!

Kira's head snapped up as Alex finally spoke, her eyes darting toward him and staring blankly for a second, until she realized what he'd said. She paused briefly, and then offered a small smile and a nod of her head. "Sounds great," she said quietly. Slowly, she stood from the bench, slipping from his coat and leaving it fully to him, as she adjusted her own light hoodie and zipped it up, hiding her locket from sight. "Well, let's go get ready before I change my mind!" she added as cheerfully as she could.

 

[dj_takuya]

Alex blinked at Kira's last statement. It made sense that Kira would be uncertain, given her shyness and social inhibitions, but he still couldn't expect it. He took the side of the cloak she had been wrapped in and folded it around himself as he stood. The canvas smelled flowery as it waved Kira's scent toward him, subtle sweet scents mixed with the clean smell of laundry soap and fresh air.

Alex closed his eyes for just a second to savor the smell, for he didn't know how much longer the smell would remain on the canvas and opened his eyes at the peak of his inhale, when his lungs couldn't hold any more. His eyes rested on Kira, zipping up her hoodie, and on his exhale, he let out a contented sigh, as he stretched. Sitting in the same position for even a few minutes as he had made him stiff enough to need a stretch. Plus, he was tired, from the long day and action-filled night the two had together.

"Would the space ship really be leaving so late at night?" he wondered aloud as he realized the time. "It would make more sense for it to leave at a more natural hour. What bunch of crazy people would set up a rocket launch for after midnight, right?" He laughed at his own joke, and relaxed visibly, shoving his hands in the pockets on his slacks.  

[-ProcrastinatingSpazz-]

Kira paused as he spoke, her head tilting slightly before her shoulders rolled in a light shrug. "Well, this place is pretty strange but... I guess you're probably right." It was much too late for a shuttle lift off. "I still need to pack though," she uttered after a pause, nodding her head slightly as if confirming the statement. She swayed a little in place, feeling his eyes upon her as he stood and stretched, and felt a light warmth gathering back into her cheeks. She wished she could control it... Well, maybe in time. She had to grow used to interacting with people first, and maybe meet someone who saw her as just a friend as well. Things were moving too quickly here. Or, it seemed that way to her. Of course, she did have no experience in the matter.

"So should we meet tomorrow then? At the ship or... in the dorms?" she blinked, eying him almost eagerly. She had to keep her hopes high and worries stifled, or she would back out entirely, and then she'd regret it forever. How many opportunities did an unknown girl with little money get to go into space for no fee? If she missed this, it'd never happen again. "I wonder what the people there will be like..." She'd have to do a bit more research before arriving. Maybe they'd have brochures on the ship?

 

[dj_takuya]

Alex inclined his head to one side as he sensed something off about Kira's stance. The way she held herself: something in it told his subconscious she was more than just uncertain about going into space. She was uncomfortable again, he realized, with a start. Had he done that? He reexamined his actions in the last few seconds from her point of view, and realized than anything he had done might have set her off-balance.

Something about that ticked off him. He was tired of feeling like he wasn't doing right by her. He felt his face flush with embarrassment and that made him angrier. He didn't blame Kira, but he was still frustrated over it. He turned his back to her so she wouldn't see his face contort with anger.

He clenched a fist under his cloak, hidden from her view and berated himself mentally for the fit. He was too mature to be throwing a pity party like that, too smart to deceive himself into thinking it would do him any good. Nevertheless, he had to let the emotion ride out if he was to be rid of it. So, he stayed quiet while Kira asked her questions. He turned his head just a fraction of a degree, enough to show her he was talking to her and snapped, "I'll meet you at the ship in the morning."

He frowned at himself, knowing he wasn't helping his case any, and being immature and petty, but he didn't want to stop. It felt too good to get his emotion out. He clenches his eyes shut at that thought, his anger turned on himself. He cared about Kira, and she obviously needed someone thoughtful and patient, so what was his problem that he couldn't be that for her?

"I...I don't know if the people will be any different from us," he said, more quietly and slowly, still not turning to look at her. He didn't even think about the possibility that she was talking about aliens, from the planet where they would be going. "I doubt they will be," he snapped again, his voice sharp enough to pierce skin. "considering they're probably just like us."

His head fell, his disappointment with himself at his peak. Before, he had a chance to turn the situation around, and he hadn't even realized it. He'd probably just blown his chances with Kira, and he could blame no one but himself. "I'll see you tomorrow morning," he said quickly and rushed to the elevator, catching it while the doors were open, a sentry droid emerging from it to check on the roof's occupants.

Alexandros pressed the button for his floor and leaned on the back wall of the lift, huffing out an upset breath. He hated himself for what he had just done, knowing he might have just screwed over himself. Kira was possibly his only friend at Ria, why was he treating her this way? The doors closed and he realized Kira could have seen his face while he was upset. For some reason, that bothered him even more.

He felt the car drop suddenly into motion, carrying him to his level. He crossed his arms over his chest, and wanted to scream with his frustration. Everything about the way he held himself showed he was angry, tension present in every part of his body. He forced himself to take a deep breath and relax his muscles, but they weren't the problem, and trying to force peace on himself just frustrated him further.

That quiet, ever-present taunting of the wrong he had just done to Kira, added to his frustration over constantly seeming to upset her, remained pushing on him, and he grew more and more weary with every second. He wanted to throw himself into bed, but he knew he would be too frustrated to rest now. Instead, it might help him to calm down if he had some kind of release. He wanted nothing more than to exhaust himself wrestling with his father. After ten to thirty minutes fighting against his burly father, trying to gain some kind of upper hand and being completely able to exert himself without a fear of hurting his dad, he was always completely fatigued and totally content with life, when his father and he would collapse on the floor together, he panting harder than his sire, of course. The memory of many happy times like that made him smile, despite himself.

Despite the fact that he was cheered some, he still had a problem he needed to address. He was still angry at himself, though now it was turning to something more like sullen sadness resembling disappointment. He ached almost physically for his father's arms of comfort and strength and he suddenly lost some respect for himself. Perhaps he wasn't the impenetrable fortress he thought he was, but rather his parents had been the ones providing him strength and courage and now he would be nothing without their help.

Even if he could have gone back home, he wouldn't have chosen to, now. For one thing, his family in Greece was an ocean and a continent away, and abandoning the money invested here in his tuition for Ria High School was not an option. But more than that, he was too stubborn to go back to his parent's support now. He wanted to make more of himself than just be a sap to his parents, never standing on his own or becoming a man. More than anything, Alex wanted to be strong, and masculine. He wasn't either of those things if he took out his emotions on Kira.

The elevator doors opened and suddenly weighed down with great depression, Alex couldn't find the strength to leave. He leaned against the wall again and slumped down to his haunches, holding his face in his hands. He knew the price he might have to pay for hurting Kira like that. She already had enough reason to dump him forever and find someone else with whom to spend her time. He shouldn't have given her this one, too. His throat constricted, and he needed so badly to shed some tears and relieve himself of his burden of emotion.

The elevator doors shut and left Alex alone in the elevator, staring sullenly into nothingness without even the ability to cry. "What have I done?" he asked himself with a rough voice. His head collapsed onto his knees and he closed his eyes.  

[-ProcrastinatingSpazz-]

Kira watched him with growing curiosity as he simply turned away, her head tilted to one side as she stared at the back of his head. She wanted to ask what he was doing, but held her tongue. Something told her she should just wait a moment, though she wasn't sure why. She just had the ability to sense things at times, and right now it felt like.. hostility. It was proven a second later. She had no idea why he'd snapped, but she flinched all the same, shrinking back a little as her face twisted in uncertainty. Was he mad that she'd led him on with a blind date? She hadn't thought anyone would really take it seriously, but he seemed to have. It was supposed to be fun... Was he mad about that? She'd enjoyed their time together tonight, dancing, exploring much too real haunted houses; her first real interactions in years. Had he not? Hadn't he said he still wanted to spend time with her even after she was honest about it?

Her ears flattened back, half drooping as well, slumped against her head as she watched him. Even if she kept her face straight, her ears would always betray her emotions. Right now, her expression had shifted, uncertain, frightened, and then suddenly set. She'd tensed, taking up the natural expression she always held at her old school, in her old life. Keep a straight face, don't let people know they're getting to you, and get away as fast as you can. That's what she'd always taught herself, but people had still been persistent. She didn't want to resort to this here, where there were other unique people, but... here she was, standing there and staring quite blankly at him, despite the wave of emotions running through her.

Why hadn't she run before? She'd wanted to so badly, as soon as things had turned serious. She'd wanted to turn and flee so she wouldn't have to deal with it. But she'd tried... and apparently she'd ruined it somehow. Was her attempt at chatter annoying? The stare lingered, her gaze peering flatly toward him, her drooping ears giving away her hurt. They twitched as he spoke again, and for a split second she looked hopeful. Her lips parted to reply, then promptly pressed tightly back together. He'd snapped again, and she'd flinched again, unable to help it. She was realizing that it hurt more when it was someone you liked, than when it was a bully doing the picking. Maybe trying wasn't even worth it. What if all of her "friendships" were this short lived?

She kept silent as he turned away, still staring at him with her own guarded expression, watching as he entered the elevator and disappeared from sight. She saw his face. He looked upset, or angry, or both... and she had no idea why. It must've been her fault though. Something wrong must've slipped. She'd said something stupid and now he hated her. Her eyes squeezed shut now that she was alone, and she held her breath for a moment, standing perfectly still as she struggled to control herself. She couldn't change now. It was her first day here. She wouldn't let it happen...

"A-ah..." She glanced down, blinking as she saw her hands clutching at her tail, squeezing so hard her pale knuckles were even whiter. She quickly released it, after rubbing almost apologetically. Her eyes cast one last look toward the elevator and then she turned, choosing to take the stairs rather than run the risk of bumping into him again. She was scared, but she couldn't help wondering about his last words. Did he really intend to still meet her tomorrow? She didn't want to go into space alone, but.. she was scared, and she hated it. She should've agreed to go to bed when he'd first suggested it... Now more than ever, she suddenly felt drained and exhausted. Her will to enter space was waning and she wasn't sure how to bring it back. Maybe if she slept and had pleasant dreams..? Yeah, right. That was rare even on good days.