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 Posted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 5:57 pm
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Posted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 6:08 pm
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Posted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 6:50 pm
 
✖ Roses are Red, Voilets are Blue..✖
✂----------------------------------------------
Jackson really hadn't known what to do with herself, she had been sitting on the same seat in the boat that Decker had sat her down in. She was so angry, he had called HMI? He had picked up on HMI, and he knew how hard the had been avoiding them. She bit into her lip, pulling at her hair when he went inside, she bit her lip until it bled and ran down her chin as she was walking in, she wanted to make sure that Seth was okay, but god, she needed to hit something. She had just kissed him, had a great moment, and then.. It felt like karma for her life, she could have something great and then be bulldozed down for having something good. She licked the blood from her lip and walked inside, watching Seth hurl into the trashcan she turned around, covering her mouth, she wasn't one of those people that had a phobia of throwing up but if she saw it enough she would throw up. She took a deep breath through her sleeve and glanced back ,Detox. That's what she had heard, and she would have it too, not like Seth, and not so soon, but it would come. And she would be in a terrible mood for it. When she had first came to HMI she had been loaded up with pills to keep her temper down, and control Emily, the detox for that was horrible, and she took most of the same pills, she shuddered at the thought and bit her already sore lip, it was going to hurt tomorrow. But it would help her. She didn't want to talk, and she didn't want to help. But she felt useless now. Ritter was helping Seth, and so was Decker, she needed to talk to Decker, but she didn't want to. She had put her trust in him, and then he pulled the rug out from under her. She sat in a chair not to far off from everyone but not interfering, looking at her feet and sighing.
✂---------------------------------------------- ✖ I'm Schizophrenic.. ✖
✖ And so am I..✖
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Posted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 7:01 pm
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Posted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 7:20 pm
✖ Roses are Red, Voilets are Blue..✖
✂----------------------------------------------
Jackson watched Decker leave, she wanted to get up, go outside and yell at him, get in his face, smack him around, but part of the was Emily's intuition. She glanced at Seth and Ritter before standing up and going outside, it was so dark, but she was only half there, so she didn't care and listening to Emily chide at her, wanting to be set free and go beat up Decker, she bit her lip, letting it bleed as she marched over to Decker's van, watching him take a puff of his cigarette she frowned, ripping it from him, she burned her hand but she didn't care "You smoke too?!"She groaned, running her hands through her hair. "Do you know how hard it is not to just punch you square in the face? Decker! I don't even know why you woul-"She stopped, growling under her breath and look away from him, wiping the blood from her lip. "Decker, I want to kill you, but I can't. I can't lose someone again, I put my trust on you, I avoided relationship my entire life so I wouldn't get hurt, so I could try my best to get someone who wouldn't be involved in HMI but look at what you did!"She threw her hands up, she didn't want to bombard him but she didn't want to hold it inside herself, she was going to let herself open to him and not pent it up. "I could do so many things, I could cut you, burn you, hit you, break something but I can't. I don't want to hurt you, and I want to know why. Why would you pick up on HMI, after we had just gotten our freedom. You said hate, none of us hate you, we just don't know you yet, this, this is what makes me people hate you. I far from hate you, I really, really like you but this is the one thing that made you drop so, so low on my respect scale.."
✂---------------------------------------------- ✖ I'm Schizophrenic.. ✖
✖ And so am I..✖
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Posted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 7:42 pm
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Posted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 8:28 pm
✖ Roses are Red, Voilets are Blue..✖
✂----------------------------------------------
She knew that face, that flinch, the cringe. She had scared him again, she had made him afraid of her and she felt like she was going to throw up. She always ruined everything. She listened to him, the entire time biting her lip and trying not to argue with him, he just wanted to get away from her, that was what he wanted. He just wanted to be left alone. When he left she felt a sob escape her throat and she covered her mouth, the lump in her throat rising. It wasn't his fault. He didn't have to make anyone happy. He didn't even have a choice on his mother dying, every time she heard the word mother she wanted to throw up, and so she ran out of the van, running behind a tree to where no one could see her and barfed. Gasping when she was done and letting tears slip from her face. She didn't want it to be like this anymore. She didn't want to argue all the time, she didn't want to have to think about what she did over and over again with her mother, have to deal with doubting herself. She pulled the razor from her pocket and pulled up her shirt, taking a shaky breath before starting to slowly cut down her hip, that's where the deepest were, and she shivered, the razor falling from her hand while she held the wound. She wanted her mother, she wanted to start over, and she couldn't. "Dear it will be okay." It was her encouraging voice again, and she burst into tears again, she felt like a child, she was bleeding and crying, she felt heartbroken for making Decker afraid of her and for not being able to be anything but a burden. "Let yourself fall asleep hun, I will take care of you and you can wake up in the morning and spend a day by yourself."She whispered, and she listened, curling up against the tree and letting herself be vulnerable, letting Maria take over, who did her best to wipe the blood away on her stomach and picked up the razor blade, putting it back. Jackson had fallen asleep, and so Maria was going to calmly do her best to try and make things right. Jackson would remember it when she woke up. She washed her hands in the lake, wiping away the tears and looked around, remembering that Decker had gone toward the forest. She wondered around, finally finding him and placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Decker, im Maria. One of the many..I guess you could say people inside Jacky."She gave him a smile, she was the calmest and more gentle sides of Jackson. "I saw how you reacted to her, and I know you were scared, I know why you were scared and I just want to tell you she knows how you feel. She's going to be very angry with me when she wakes up but I feel like you need to know."She nodded, Jackson would indeed be very, very angry with her when she woke up but this was hopefully something for the best. "I want to tell you that she hurt herself, more than she usually does, being upset."She lifted her shirt up, showing him the cut, it was still bleeding but Maria couldn't feel it. "She gets upset everytime you mention your mother and father, being well..this is the part im worried about." She chuckled softly, looking at Decker "You see, you know how Emily can be, and Jacky was a very vulnerable child, and her mother got on her case quiet often. Emily was more persuasive and when Jacky had been taken over, Emily well, snuck into her parents room and stabbed her mother to death, in a pitch black room. Now, her father committed suicide only a little less than a month ago, and so she is a little touchy on the subject of parents."She explained, doing this with a complete calm face. "What im trying to say is that she knows how you feel, and even though you didn't have a choice on killing your mother, she had more of a choice and she wanted to tell you that it shouldn't matter what your dad thinks of you. Her entire family hates her, blaming her for both of her parents death, and she also blames herself, so when you said it was your fault when it wanted to tell you, but couldn't bring herself to. It's not your fault Decker, and she wants you to know. A mothers pride is her child and im sure if your mother had a choice she would have wanted to have had you."
✂---------------------------------------------- ✖ I'm Schizophrenic.. ✖
✖ And so am I..✖
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Posted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 9:41 pm
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Posted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 9:58 pm
✖ Roses are Red, Voilets are Blue..✖
✂----------------------------------------------
"Now don't say that. Being negative doesn't help anything at all." She pursed her lips, Marie herself wasn't a negative person. "Why do you keep wanting to abide by everyone? You don't have to keep everyone happy, and you have to accept that, not everyone is going to like you, sure, you can do your best to try but where is the fun in that?"She asked, tilting her head, there really was no point to try and please everyone. "That's just how she is, Jacky does hate to get mean, she hates to pick a fight and hit people but she can't control it. She's really not mean or violent, she's really calm and quiet, but most of the part you fear is the part that Emily has control over, and Jacky can't take back whole control over her body, your lucky I was able to get her to just go to sleep and get out before Emily did. It wouldn't have been pretty."She muttered, bending down and looking at Decker, placing a hand on his, trying to comfort him. "She just wants to help, and I know it doesn't seem that way but she does. She knows you need support, and she's mad, and upset, that you called HMI, but she knows you want to help keep HMI away from them too. She understands if your scared of her, and if you leave but she does want to help, in honesty."It was true, Marie would know. She had to live in her head, well she didn't have to but she did. She knew that she liked Decker, that she wanted to be there for him and try her best to keep him happy with how he felt about himself but it was hard when she was messed up herself. "Decker, Jacky wouldn't stop you from leaving if that's what you truly wanted to do, she would be upset, but she doesn't want to keep you from doing anything you really do want to do. So if you want to leave, you still can."
✂---------------------------------------------- ✖ I'm Schizophrenic.. ✖
✖ And so am I..✖
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Posted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 10:13 pm
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Posted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 10:24 pm
✖ Roses are Red, Voilets are Blue..✖
✂----------------------------------------------
Marie nodded, listening to him. "Your starting to see things again? Decker that obviously means that there is something that's changed, you probably need to change it back."She said, blinking when he hugged her but wrapped her arms around him, rubbing his back and comforting him. "Calm down dear. There is no reason to kill yourself. The things you see aren't real, you know they aren't. You have to keep reminding yourself that and no matter what you think Jacky is not the only one who would be here to convince you of that. Everyone here knows what it's like to be afraid for your life, to want to kill themselves, but were all still here, and we all know the pain."She said, petting his hair. It made her sad that everyone here was really mostly nice on the inside but was tormented by things they were born with and couldn't control. "I know someone who wouldn't be to happy if your killed yourself anyway. Not just Jacky either, what about Krysta? She's your friend too, and how do you think she would feel if you killed yourself? And everyone here, their entire dreams of freedom would be gone. Don't give up on yourself dear, you've got more time to live and more dreams to fulfill, don't throw your life away, even if its hard." Hardship was part of life, some had it harder than others but everyone has dreams, and they could be accomplished if you tried hard enough.
✂---------------------------------------------- ✖ I'm Schizophrenic.. ✖
✖ And so am I..✖
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Posted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 10:58 pm
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Posted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 11:07 pm
✖ Roses are Red, Voilets are Blue..✖
✂----------------------------------------------
Marie let out a small shriek, being pulled and shoved into to the van she knew something was wrong, she wasn't really sure what to do in this situation. She placed her hands on his shoulder's trying to steady him "Try and think of something you started doing that might have changed it, brought them on."She said, rubbing at his arms "And take a deep breath, you need to calm down or you won't be able to think right, close your eye's and think of something happy, something calm."She whispered, he needed to calm down or it was probably going to get worse, sometimes emotions brought on unneeded hallucinations, she learned that from listening to Jackson. "Before you change anything you need to try and get yourself back in a steady position, talk calmly, and think as straight as possible, freaking out will only make it worse."
✂---------------------------------------------- ✖ I'm Schizophrenic.. ✖
✖ And so am I..✖
||Bah, short ugly post. It's time for bed..||
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Posted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 9:08 am
[[Soooo sorry for being gone for so long. My computers were being whiped from so many friggen viruses, so I had no way of getting on! You guys must be so mad.... Could I please get a recap of everything that's happened since my absence? Or, maybe someway Savy can jump back into what's going on right now?]]
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Posted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 10:05 am
((I'll pm one to ya. ^_^))
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