Glad to support this thread of the guild as much as I can.
As for wellness I'm sorry it's a bit long so I spoiler it all. xp
Tbh I'm vaguely okay having mental battles daily lately with myself due to irl things and some gaia things of personal things. But I'm not too off I'm probably half okay, or like 6/10 maybe just a 7/10.
I'm mentally harming myself in fear of my irl family cases of having a fear that after we spread ashes of my parents where they married each other I'm going to lose seeing all my family together again for years even though I shouldn't fear it given I never had them all much growing up any way, but I'm scared whom all I'll forget after years again of not seeing each other, and then there is the facts in early 2020 I lost a friend I had since kindergarten because they chose my bad room mate we both barely knew over me and now I feel I most be a demon or something so awful if I was so easily replaced, and then for gaian things I had in 2020 my gaia family group have a case of some fight idk much about really, and now they're broken up with a small group I'm in of just four people and I'm too nervous to tell the big boss my gaian mom that I want all of us together again, and all cause I don't want to lose that big family group fully too cause then what family will I have if I do lose my blood family of irl family?
But other then all that I'm decent most parts now for 2021, my financial issues are somewhat better off but I'm nervous cause I fear I'm constantly failing my irl family with not working at all but having roommates/tenants pay me money to live here and that is keeping the roof above our heads, and fearing also that I am failing my gaian family by not speaking my opinion some more about how I want all of us back together and hope we can fix what issues happened this time to split us so badly.
And back to irl things I worry if my blood family all count me as family given we're all just connected by same dad or for two older brothers just a same mom, and when I eventually die hopefully years and years from now I worry many times about things like where I go when dead to what will my irl family be like then with kids I hopefully have in future will my family accept them even if I go off to marry a foreigner or even a woman whom is more not into Christianity as my irl family because I'm personally having a rough time with it all myself tbh that daily I feel I'm going to Hell when I die because I'm struggling, and I fear what my irl family will think of many choices of mine cause we have fought over my own dreams of what I want to do irl for work and etc. and it's all a mess of mental health for me.
Okay maybe I am more a 4/10 fine when I share it all like that with fears of losing things of comfort feelings from real life family to gaian family and feeling like I am failing all of them honestly and don't belong in my irl family fully. sweatdrop
I'm now going to find another thing to post idk if it'll be a gif or just a image of something maybe I'll try showing off a game thing I play by posting a picture of my own characters in a thing and share that. (recently got off xbox game pass stuff for PC a skyrim to mod with Inigo and more mods I picked just started and all but maybe I can share my little home made Dagi Khajiit Tori {Japanese name for bird and a male khajiit I'm weird and just use Tori as a boy name.} Also for a share thing my birthday moons for khajiit make me a Dagi Khajiit the little 3 ft cat people of magic according to a giant chart of things that was rough to do as it just goes as big numbers and you need to do thw whole thing of count your birthday in numbers.
idk I'll post something fun to see all the same maybe I'll even eventually ask my artist friend irl to draw a thing like me as an anime character in her views to share, or even what Vampire the masquerade clans she thinks I'll be idk I'm wild at times like that. blaugh
All same will post here as much as I can til gaia dies if it ever does or not idk, but til then will post much as can think of things to post even if I accidently post same things from months or weeks ago without realizing it til mentioned if any mention it. emotion_yatta
Your strong, dedicated, noncomformist spirit is noted 3nodding4laugh
Posted: Mon Mar 22, 2021 8:13 am
Blind Blindness
Tobi Kaito
Blind Blindness
Thank youu for the support.
Hope you're doing well smile
Glad to support this thread of the guild as much as I can.
As for wellness I'm sorry it's a bit long so I spoiler it all. xp
Tbh I'm vaguely okay having mental battles daily lately with myself due to irl things and some gaia things of personal things. But I'm not too off I'm probably half okay, or like 6/10 maybe just a 7/10.
I'm mentally harming myself in fear of my irl family cases of having a fear that after we spread ashes of my parents where they married each other I'm going to lose seeing all my family together again for years even though I shouldn't fear it given I never had them all much growing up any way, but I'm scared whom all I'll forget after years again of not seeing each other, and then there is the facts in early 2020 I lost a friend I had since kindergarten because they chose my bad room mate we both barely knew over me and now I feel I most be a demon or something so awful if I was so easily replaced, and then for gaian things I had in 2020 my gaia family group have a case of some fight idk much about really, and now they're broken up with a small group I'm in of just four people and I'm too nervous to tell the big boss my gaian mom that I want all of us together again, and all cause I don't want to lose that big family group fully too cause then what family will I have if I do lose my blood family of irl family?
But other then all that I'm decent most parts now for 2021, my financial issues are somewhat better off but I'm nervous cause I fear I'm constantly failing my irl family with not working at all but having roommates/tenants pay me money to live here and that is keeping the roof above our heads, and fearing also that I am failing my gaian family by not speaking my opinion some more about how I want all of us back together and hope we can fix what issues happened this time to split us so badly.
And back to irl things I worry if my blood family all count me as family given we're all just connected by same dad or for two older brothers just a same mom, and when I eventually die hopefully years and years from now I worry many times about things like where I go when dead to what will my irl family be like then with kids I hopefully have in future will my family accept them even if I go off to marry a foreigner or even a woman whom is more not into Christianity as my irl family because I'm personally having a rough time with it all myself tbh that daily I feel I'm going to Hell when I die because I'm struggling, and I fear what my irl family will think of many choices of mine cause we have fought over my own dreams of what I want to do irl for work and etc. and it's all a mess of mental health for me.
Okay maybe I am more a 4/10 fine when I share it all like that with fears of losing things of comfort feelings from real life family to gaian family and feeling like I am failing all of them honestly and don't belong in my irl family fully. sweatdrop
I'm now going to find another thing to post idk if it'll be a gif or just a image of something maybe I'll try showing off a game thing I play by posting a picture of my own characters in a thing and share that. (recently got off xbox game pass stuff for PC a skyrim to mod with Inigo and more mods I picked just started and all but maybe I can share my little home made Dagi Khajiit Tori {Japanese name for bird and a male khajiit I'm weird and just use Tori as a boy name.} Also for a share thing my birthday moons for khajiit make me a Dagi Khajiit the little 3 ft cat people of magic according to a giant chart of things that was rough to do as it just goes as big numbers and you need to do thw whole thing of count your birthday in numbers.
idk I'll post something fun to see all the same maybe I'll even eventually ask my artist friend irl to draw a thing like me as an anime character in her views to share, or even what Vampire the masquerade clans she thinks I'll be idk I'm wild at times like that. blaugh
All same will post here as much as I can til gaia dies if it ever does or not idk, but til then will post much as can think of things to post even if I accidently post same things from months or weeks ago without realizing it til mentioned if any mention it. emotion_yatta
Your strong, dedicated, noncomformist spirit is noted 3nodding4laugh
I guess I fit that description, but honestly idk really. sweatdrop
Glad to support this thread of the guild as much as I can.
As for wellness I'm sorry it's a bit long so I spoiler it all. xp
Tbh I'm vaguely okay having mental battles daily lately with myself due to irl things and some gaia things of personal things. But I'm not too off I'm probably half okay, or like 6/10 maybe just a 7/10.
I'm mentally harming myself in fear of my irl family cases of having a fear that after we spread ashes of my parents where they married each other I'm going to lose seeing all my family together again for years even though I shouldn't fear it given I never had them all much growing up any way, but I'm scared whom all I'll forget after years again of not seeing each other, and then there is the facts in early 2020 I lost a friend I had since kindergarten because they chose my bad room mate we both barely knew over me and now I feel I most be a demon or something so awful if I was so easily replaced, and then for gaian things I had in 2020 my gaia family group have a case of some fight idk much about really, and now they're broken up with a small group I'm in of just four people and I'm too nervous to tell the big boss my gaian mom that I want all of us together again, and all cause I don't want to lose that big family group fully too cause then what family will I have if I do lose my blood family of irl family?
But other then all that I'm decent most parts now for 2021, my financial issues are somewhat better off but I'm nervous cause I fear I'm constantly failing my irl family with not working at all but having roommates/tenants pay me money to live here and that is keeping the roof above our heads, and fearing also that I am failing my gaian family by not speaking my opinion some more about how I want all of us back together and hope we can fix what issues happened this time to split us so badly.
And back to irl things I worry if my blood family all count me as family given we're all just connected by same dad or for two older brothers just a same mom, and when I eventually die hopefully years and years from now I worry many times about things like where I go when dead to what will my irl family be like then with kids I hopefully have in future will my family accept them even if I go off to marry a foreigner or even a woman whom is more not into Christianity as my irl family because I'm personally having a rough time with it all myself tbh that daily I feel I'm going to Hell when I die because I'm struggling, and I fear what my irl family will think of many choices of mine cause we have fought over my own dreams of what I want to do irl for work and etc. and it's all a mess of mental health for me.
Okay maybe I am more a 4/10 fine when I share it all like that with fears of losing things of comfort feelings from real life family to gaian family and feeling like I am failing all of them honestly and don't belong in my irl family fully. sweatdrop
I'm now going to find another thing to post idk if it'll be a gif or just a image of something maybe I'll try showing off a game thing I play by posting a picture of my own characters in a thing and share that. (recently got off xbox game pass stuff for PC a skyrim to mod with Inigo and more mods I picked just started and all but maybe I can share my little home made Dagi Khajiit Tori {Japanese name for bird and a male khajiit I'm weird and just use Tori as a boy name.} Also for a share thing my birthday moons for khajiit make me a Dagi Khajiit the little 3 ft cat people of magic according to a giant chart of things that was rough to do as it just goes as big numbers and you need to do thw whole thing of count your birthday in numbers.
idk I'll post something fun to see all the same maybe I'll even eventually ask my artist friend irl to draw a thing like me as an anime character in her views to share, or even what Vampire the masquerade clans she thinks I'll be idk I'm wild at times like that. blaugh
All same will post here as much as I can til gaia dies if it ever does or not idk, but til then will post much as can think of things to post even if I accidently post same things from months or weeks ago without realizing it til mentioned if any mention it. emotion_yatta
Your strong, dedicated, noncomformist spirit is noted 3nodding4laugh
I guess I fit that description, but honestly idk really. sweatdrop
The therapist in me says.."Tell me more."
Posted: Wed Mar 24, 2021 12:23 pm
Blind Blindness
Tobi Kaito
Blind Blindness
Tobi Kaito
Blind Blindness
Thank youu for the support.
Hope you're doing well smile
Glad to support this thread of the guild as much as I can.
As for wellness I'm sorry it's a bit long so I spoiler it all. xp
Tbh I'm vaguely okay having mental battles daily lately with myself due to irl things and some gaia things of personal things. But I'm not too off I'm probably half okay, or like 6/10 maybe just a 7/10.
I'm mentally harming myself in fear of my irl family cases of having a fear that after we spread ashes of my parents where they married each other I'm going to lose seeing all my family together again for years even though I shouldn't fear it given I never had them all much growing up any way, but I'm scared whom all I'll forget after years again of not seeing each other, and then there is the facts in early 2020 I lost a friend I had since kindergarten because they chose my bad room mate we both barely knew over me and now I feel I most be a demon or something so awful if I was so easily replaced, and then for gaian things I had in 2020 my gaia family group have a case of some fight idk much about really, and now they're broken up with a small group I'm in of just four people and I'm too nervous to tell the big boss my gaian mom that I want all of us together again, and all cause I don't want to lose that big family group fully too cause then what family will I have if I do lose my blood family of irl family?
But other then all that I'm decent most parts now for 2021, my financial issues are somewhat better off but I'm nervous cause I fear I'm constantly failing my irl family with not working at all but having roommates/tenants pay me money to live here and that is keeping the roof above our heads, and fearing also that I am failing my gaian family by not speaking my opinion some more about how I want all of us back together and hope we can fix what issues happened this time to split us so badly.
And back to irl things I worry if my blood family all count me as family given we're all just connected by same dad or for two older brothers just a same mom, and when I eventually die hopefully years and years from now I worry many times about things like where I go when dead to what will my irl family be like then with kids I hopefully have in future will my family accept them even if I go off to marry a foreigner or even a woman whom is more not into Christianity as my irl family because I'm personally having a rough time with it all myself tbh that daily I feel I'm going to Hell when I die because I'm struggling, and I fear what my irl family will think of many choices of mine cause we have fought over my own dreams of what I want to do irl for work and etc. and it's all a mess of mental health for me.
Okay maybe I am more a 4/10 fine when I share it all like that with fears of losing things of comfort feelings from real life family to gaian family and feeling like I am failing all of them honestly and don't belong in my irl family fully. sweatdrop
I'm now going to find another thing to post idk if it'll be a gif or just a image of something maybe I'll try showing off a game thing I play by posting a picture of my own characters in a thing and share that. (recently got off xbox game pass stuff for PC a skyrim to mod with Inigo and more mods I picked just started and all but maybe I can share my little home made Dagi Khajiit Tori {Japanese name for bird and a male khajiit I'm weird and just use Tori as a boy name.} Also for a share thing my birthday moons for khajiit make me a Dagi Khajiit the little 3 ft cat people of magic according to a giant chart of things that was rough to do as it just goes as big numbers and you need to do thw whole thing of count your birthday in numbers.
idk I'll post something fun to see all the same maybe I'll even eventually ask my artist friend irl to draw a thing like me as an anime character in her views to share, or even what Vampire the masquerade clans she thinks I'll be idk I'm wild at times like that. blaugh
All same will post here as much as I can til gaia dies if it ever does or not idk, but til then will post much as can think of things to post even if I accidently post same things from months or weeks ago without realizing it til mentioned if any mention it. emotion_yatta
Your strong, dedicated, noncomformist spirit is noted 3nodding4laugh
I guess I fit that description, but honestly idk really. sweatdrop
The therapist in me says.."Tell me more."
Well if you want to know more here it is vaguely.
I'm currently in my later 20s and can't solve what to do in life to make all happy including myself and it's torment on me. My adolescence was torment being filled with having the knowledge at four or five that my mom was gone gone when she died, having a dad whom had unknown to me then dementia and my older siblings would come borrowing thousands upon thousands of dollars that they never paid back at all and I had to be nice and respect them all cause elders but due to their actions I was afraid to ask for any help money wise as a child cause borrowing money from dad meant I was bad as them, and finally having teachers looking down at me for being me and calling me worthless, stupid, a pile of waste, or for the few whom knew my mother called me "The baby she should have aborted cause you bring her name only shame." sometimes while they beat me survival times.
Daily I feel that perhaps I'm an awful person for even being alive which of course leads into me feeling like nobody wants me around and that I am better off not alive anymore, but then that is sorted as BS when I tell myself I got good friends and family members whom do like me for me and are willing to help me out when I need the help.
Well, sorry for the silence for, ehhh, a week or so there. I went back home to help my mum out for a while, and I only have my phone for reliable connectivity there. (Backwoods boonies are a hell of a place.)
Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2021 4:13 am
That's quite understandable, it's good to see you back.
