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Sirius wins.
Must...resist...gay...ice queen...joke...

Kathulu.

*Staggers in and prepares to write witty battle scene*

Awkward turtle attacks first! She charges forward, or would charge forward if she wasn't a turtle. Now, the funny thing about turtles, is that they cannot move very fast at all.

Regulust's pupils have dilated, indicating some form of mild Mydriasis.
After many attempts to hack at the still-attempting-to-move-faster Awkward, he tosses his blunted stump of a sword away, and jumps in her shell instead.
However, due to his mydriasis, he doesn't notice the spiky texture of the shell, and manages to stab himself in the foot.

Awkward is still charging.

As gangrene sets in, Awkward EXPLODES FOR NO APPARENT REASON, sending Regulust into epileptic spasms. His delicate and vulnerable corneas disintegrate with the light of the blast, and he loses consciousness thereafter.

Awkward, reaching her twitching and shaking target, proceeds to (veeeery slowly) strangle Regulust to death with his unnecessarily long scarf.

seriously, when gangrene starts getting introduced, that's a sign that the battle descriptions are getting too long. XD

Raz sets in to write a huge expose on how gangrene is faster than that as Nerdy sneaks up behind her, his scorpion tail twitching and dripping with venom, he crazy girl friend getting ready to attack and forcibly rip out a juguler....

Then Raz turns around suddenly and hits them with her memiores.

LETHALLY BOOK'D

This goes to Raz2b.

Yamato. Gun.

Egg munster can immobily kill a slow moving exploding turtle.Kathulu wins.

I'd have to say Crunch since he appears to have the use of both his eyes, as well as a weapon that works as a projectile or in melee combat.

[Ignore my existence here.(Unless yu read Hashire's bio in my journal entry.)]