Numenore: Reloaded ~ A Numenorean RP

[Nimbrethil]

Arnor :: The Palace and The Imperial Throne Room

Ernest came around the corner of the palace just as Roger was about to enter the Hedge maze, in search of the legendary treasure within.

"Hoi!" Called Ernest. "The entrance is this way, you tit." Ernest turned and walked back the way he had come, not waiting to see if Roger followed or not.

After making a rude gesture at Ernest's back, Roger fetched Concorde and hurried after him.

Ernest led him to an inconspicuous doorway leading into the palace. Without pausing, Ernest opened the door and walked on down the hall.

"What about Concorde?" Roger shouted after him.

"Time is money!" Ernest called back, unperturbed.

Roger shrugged and dropped Concorde's lead. It's not like it's the strangest thing that's happened today, he thought, catching up to Ernest.

When they finally reached the Imperial Throne Room, Ernest said "My Lords, I present Roger the Shrubber," before disappearing into the shadows.

Vaguely aware of the proper procedure in such situations, Roger bowed low. He was reminded of the last time he had been in the Steward's presence, and was disturbed anew at Francis's apparent androgeny. He supressed a shudder.

"My, um, Lords," he began, "I bring you your shrubbery. If you would be so kind as to sign here, here, aaaand here," he said, producing some paperwork.  

[Hironaur]

Bridge of Osgiliath


The old man from scene 24 sat, waiting with great antici...........pation.

I must have some pretty darn good hearing. It seems like hours ago I first heard footsteps on the road. I could have been practicing my line!  

[Imyavie]

Nienna of the Valar

Aetera turned at the other woman's voice. "Yes, it is! She looks like a particularly nasty one, at that!"

Leik, r u talkn bout LEGOLAS!!!11!11!OMGOMG??//?

Aetera gritted her teeth, regaining her nerve. "Hurry! We'll send her back to the foul pits that spawned her!"

"Aye! Before her evil words kill us! Cover your ears!"
Alkwing tried to get close, for the foul illiterate was facing the other way now. Unfortunatley, she accidentally stepped on a mouses tail. "Sweekolis!" Cried the mouse.

The illiterate whirled around "OMG mows U saiS Leglis?! Liek OMG WHWERS he?!?!!?!1/111/"

"Confound it!" Alkwing yelled as she jumped behind a boulder. " wWhat can we do?! At this rate, her poisonous words will cause us to fall into the shadow with her!"  

[Zurgi]

((Ah, the Monty Python themes...))

Stan, although, truthfully, he wanted to be called Loretta but no one would listen to what HE said, looked around at the scene unfolding around him. Which was basically nothing. Except for some people holding their ears, and he really couldn't fig...

OMG!!111! WHER IZ TEH SECKZY LEGAOLS?????////

That explained it.

Stan cringed and dove under a conveniently placed shrubbery as he heard a voice in his head, rather monotone, saying, "Stan is now showing the benefits of not being seen.."  

[zylaxidia]

Willy Bobert Joe sat in the middle of the road, prodding his cattle with his cattle prod. The eccentric Numenorean boy was rather bored, for you can only prod your cattle so many times before they run away. And he didn't want to chase them, especially not into the lengthy forests where the wooden shoes were made. Not too far in the distance, he could see the Great Bridge of Osgiliath, and somewhere in another direction was Gondor. Freaking wedding cake city.
As a semi-member of the guard (he liked it but was lazy, so no-one ever knew whether he really was in the army or not), he decided he would go back to Arnor to peek in on the costume party. That would be fun. Leaping on a random cow's back, he began thwacking the poor beast, attempting to steer it towards the city. "Ride em cowboy!!!11" he hollered, cheering for himself wildly.
Suddenly, his body froze, as if paralyzed, and he tumbled off the cow. "Good Eru! Are those? Could they be?!" Scrambling up, he ran after his cattle, prodding them and screaming, "Run, fools! The illiterates be coming!!!!"  

[Zurgi]

Looking around nervously, and being the coward that he was, Stan noticed that his beloved Gondor was under attack by the evil illiterates of doom. He needed to figure out a way to help..and fast.

Maybe if he could ride to Castle Anthrax and sound the alarm there, at least he'd be protecting eightscore young blondes...all between sixteen and nineteen and a half..you know, that didn't sound like such a bad idea, now that he thought of it.  

[Kementari]

"Back you foul beasts! Get back or I shall send you whence you came!"

Aphadriel, threatened as she backed away from the horde of illiterates that were following her and her friend, Melda. They had been enjoying the day, riding around Gondor, when they were attacked.

At first it had started as mindless blabble about nothing, then turned into full out illiteracy.

OMG liek Lagoles is SOOOOOoooooOOO secksy!!!1111!!!one!!! i w4nt 2 hav3 his babi35!!!!!1111!!!1!!!

Aphadriels ears burned at the sound, if her ears were not needed, she would have chopped them off that instance Van Gogh style.
The horde would not cease, so she released a couple arrows and hit two in the head. Luckily they fell. Aphadriel had heard horror stories when she was younger about not being able to kill illiterates as they had no brain.

She then turned and ran, there were too many for her to take at once and she was already in there presence long enough. Aphadriel had no desire to become like them.
Then she noticed Melda was missing! However there was nothing she could do, if she turned to look for her friend Aphadriel would surely fall into the dark void of illiteracy.

Hiding behind a large rock, Aphadriel stopped to catch her breath. Then she dared to peek her head out behind the rock. The illiterates had stopped, well not really, they seemed to be looking for her, probably to ask about this Lagoles character.
Going back behind the rock, Aphadriel came face to face with Melda.

"Oh thank Eru, your safe. Now come, we must get to leave quickly begore they see us."

Aphadriel started to leave, but Melda just stood where she was. Melda opened her mouth to say somthing but this godawful noise came out.

Leik h4v3 yu s33n Laegolis? i hurd he wa5 ar0und h3r3 + i luv3 him. i 4m g01ng 2 hav his b4bi3s + liv3 h4pp1ly 3v35 4ft3r. liek OMG!!!!!111!!!!1

Aphadriel stared in horror, her friend had become illiterate. Slowly Melda came towards her, but didn't get two steps, as the illiterate who spoke earlier about wanting to have babies with Lagoles (or was it Laegolis? She couldn't tell), jumped on her and the two wrestled over who he was going to have babies with.
This gave Apadriel enough time to run away before the rest of the horde came.

((And there we have my first attempt at a humour RP post. Hopefully I will get better))  

[Slacktopian]

Aetera reached instinctively for her sword, but realized with horror that she had left it at home. Cursing herself, she quickly opened her bag, looking for anything to aid her against the fangirls rapidly approaching. Suddenly, Aetera grinned, pulling a dictionary from her bag.

Leik, OMG! Lagoles is teh BEST!!1!!

An illiterate had pulled ahead of the others, and lunged at Aetera. Gritting her teeth, she smote the illiterate with her dictionary. The fangirl collapsed, stunned.  

[Thaxul]

Arnor: A Dingy Tavern

*Tom opened the door, and took a seat at the bar. he ordered a pint of ale, and then turned to look at who was sitting beside him. he needed someone to talk to. A gruff looking man was to his right. he didn't seem to want any company. And a beautiful young lady to his left. thsi was Tom's chance, it had been a good 12 years since he had scored.

Tom took a quick swig of his pint, and turned to the lady. he coughed, and was about to give her his best chat-up line, something about falling angels, but a foul sound came out of her mouth.*

h4v3 u s33n laglis????/// im w4nt h15 b4bi35!!11oneone!! u d0nt h4v3 chANc3!!!11!!1!! L4gl1s 15 M1n3!!111!11!11 OMG1111!!!! 1 sm3ll him!11!!11!111

*Tom was dumbfounded. He drew his blade, and chopped of her head. but this didn't stop the noise.*

L4gols w1ll 5t1ll w4nt m3h!11!!!1!!!1

*Tom ran from the bar in shock, leaving his ale. He would regret this later. These illeterates seemed unstoppable. They are only interested in one thing....this Legalis person. Maybe the only way to stop them was to destroy him.*  

[Falathrim]

Arnor :: Imperial Throne Room

The Lord Vader glanced at faithful Steward, then to Roger the Shrubber. After several minutes of silence, he looked back to faithful Steward. Who was doing nothing.

Ai, ai, (wo)man! he thought, as he used his executive power to sign for faithful Steward's shrubbery. "Now, Roger, reveal to us this glorious shrubbery whom I shall come to cherish, for your paperwork is signed!"  

[Imyavie]

Nienna of the Valar

Aetera reached instinctively for her sword, but realized with horror that she had left it at home. Cursing herself, she quickly opened her bag, looking for anything to aid her against the fangirls rapidly approaching. Suddenly, Aetera grinned, pulling a dictionary from her bag.

Leik, OMG! Lagoles is teh BEST!!1!!

An illiterate had pulled ahead of the others, and lunged at Aetera. Gritting her teeth, she smote the illiterate with her dictionary. The fangirl collapsed, stunned.

"Good job! An illterates weakness is literacy, of course!" She laughed as she peered over to the dazed fangirl.

"Lag....oles?.....*faint*"  

[Nimbrethil]

Arnor :: Palace

"Thank you," said Roger, retrieving his papers. "Your shrubbery is just outside, if you wouldn't mind following me."

As he walked outside (hoping the others would follow), Roger commented, "It is a particularily nice shrubbery, if I do say so myself. The addition of the small hedge with the little pink flowers was an especially good touch. The Steward helped pick it out of hundreds. Said the others were all too flat or something. Ah, here we are."

In what seemed like no time at all, the door that Roger had entered by was reached, and on the other side Roger's wagon was waiting exactly where he had left it.

"Let me just pull the protective tarp from the top of the shrubbery and you may see it for yourself," Roger said, loosening the tarp and pulling it off the wagon with a flourish.  

[Thaxul]

Arnor: Some Street

*Tom continued to run, but he slowed down considerably within minutes. he was in need of a drink. Why, oh why didn't he take his pint with him. At least he didn't pay for it. 'What to do now?' he thought. The city was obviously being overrun by illiterates, but did the Lord Vadar know this. Tom decided to go and warn Vadar of this invasion, for he was the most literate of the literates. Tom started on his way towards the Castle.*  

[Slacktopian]

imyavie

"Good job! An illterates weakness is literacy, of course!" She laughed as she peered over to the dazed fangirl.

"Lag....oles?.....*faint*"

Aetera grinned, and tossed another dictionary to the other girl. "Quite effective, indeed."  

[Falathrim]

((Some of you are not remembering to put your location at the top of your posts. Please do so, lest my gigantic ego be forced to crush you alive.))

Arnor :: The Imperial Gardens

And lo! Vader was amazed, for the shrubbery was of such lovely fragrance and appearance, and he was glad. Yet not long could he savor the bliss of Roger's shrubbery, for as his mind floated amidst the soothing pink flowers, Right-hand Man Ernest did appear with great urgency.

"My Lord Vader," said he, "Tom the Stout of the Numenorean Gaurd awaits thee at the palace gates, and he bears with him a messenge of high priority!"

And Vader was angered, for he did love that shrubbery. "Ai, ai!" he screamed. "This had better be most important, or I shall have his head! But do not dawdle, Right-hand Man, let Tom the Stout in, so that he may speak with me!"