MIO

[Iakun]

The only problem I have with psychology is that it isn't an exact science. It seems to be more of an art than anything. I think some areas of psychology do bring to light some causes for certain things, like a particular environment causing a child to become aggressive and violent in their adult years. But we don't even know what environmental factors play a part in molding sexual orientation yet.

To me, "normal" is simply what's most common. Being straight is the norm, it's more common than other sexualities (this is debatable yes... some people believe everyone is bisexual, I think that's bullshit personally). I guess the problem is that "normal" carries that heavy connotation of "being correct and good". So anything that doesn't fall under the norm, we shun.

About the Japanese life thing, that actually sounds terrible to me. Teens are gonna do whatever they want; they already do in most countries. But if I marry someone I don't want my sex life to die and have to rely on looking outside of my own husband for sex. That's just kind of messed up to me. Maybe it's just because I'm looking at it from a western perspective but even with that awareness, it still doesn't make me feel it's all that good.  

[xwhateverxdudex]

Iakun:

(caveman voice - "me no complex, me just like cute girls" )
LOL

Sorry, it has to do with a TV show called "Totally spies"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Totally_Spies

[Well, this start a conversation]
^.^



Purple:

Doesn't sound too bad to me either.
Especially the casual part, LOL

Really? WOW, go chimps ^.^



Iakun:
Most societies tell use that it's wrong to have sex before getting married.
Or that once married, you shouldn't have relations with anyone else.
Because of this, people get married JUST to have sex,
and then divorce when they see someone new.

But Japan doesn't do it like this.
I can't be sure because I don't live there.
But they seem to view sex more as a part of natural instinct that shouldn't be shunned.
Marrage itself seems to have a completely different purpose all together.

Which in my opinion seems to be a much better way of doing things.
That way you can be with the one that you get along with the best,
and still have sex with those that your most attracted to.
Because people hardly EVER fit into both catagories.

I know there are people that are happily married, but aren't sexually attracted to each other. Likewise, there are people that can't get enough sex from the other, but normally fight like cats and dogs. And to constantly be around someone that you fight with isn't good for your stress levels.

Japan seems to have just found a more convenient way to do things.  

[purpleravenhawk]

Iakun: Well, nothing really is an exact, concrete science. Even the "real" sciences are constantly making changes and adjusting to new information. Much of psychology is an art, but I don't think that makes it any less reliable than medical science, which can also be very artsy and presumptuous due to how different each body can be.

If normal is just what's most common, then it's normal to cheat on your significant other. xd

I think your problem with the Japanese sex life is probably because you're not separating love and sex. Sounds to me like it's more separate in a lifestyle like that.

Dude: Japan may have a different attitude towards sex, but that doesn't mean they're more relaxed about it. They are famously the most uptight country in the world when it comes to sex. Having a lot of extramarital affairs doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to treat sex like it shouldn't be shunned. It just means you'll spend a lot of time closing doors. It could be that their teenage years of promiscuity create an attitude that sex is for immature people and that's why there's a big underground sex market. Most things that are considered "natural" are also considered "immature" and "unintelligent." That would also explain why modern Japanese are waiting longer and longer to get married and why spouses are treated more like formal family members. Just a theory. wink My point is, it may not be the best way or more convenient way to do things, just different. For all we know, it's actually more stressful, since you'd have to spend a lot of time hiding stuff and you couldn't be yourself around your spouse. That sounds more like historical Japan.  

[Iakun]

purpleravenhawk

Iakun: Well, nothing really is an exact, concrete science. Even the "real" sciences are constantly making changes and adjusting to new information. Much of psychology is an art, but I don't think that makes it any less reliable than medical science, which can also be very artsy and presumptuous due to how different each body can be.

If normal is just what's most common, then it's normal to cheat on your significant other. xd

I think your problem with the Japanese sex life is probably because you're not separating love and sex. Sounds to me like it's more separate in a lifestyle like that.

Dude: Japan may have a different attitude towards sex, but that doesn't mean they're more relaxed about it. They are famously the most uptight country in the world when it comes to sex. Having a lot of extramarital affairs doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to treat sex like it shouldn't be shunned. It just means you'll spend a lot of time closing doors. It could be that their teenage years of promiscuity create an attitude that sex is for immature people and that's why there's a big underground sex market. Most things that are considered "natural" are also considered "immature" and "unintelligent." That would also explain why modern Japanese are waiting longer and longer to get married and why spouses are treated more like formal family members. Just a theory. wink My point is, it may not be the best way or more convenient way to do things, just different. For all we know, it's actually more stressful, since you'd have to spend a lot of time hiding stuff and you couldn't be yourself around your spouse. That sounds more like historical Japan.

Ok I'll give you the first bit about sciences in general.

Is it normal to cheat? Well, we could say yes because the majority of the animal kingdom is not monogamous.

I don't feel comfortable with the modern assumption that we must separate love and sex. To me, the jury is still out on whether that mindset is progress, or dysfunctional thinking.

If anything these discussions only confirm my idea that I wouldn't want to have anything to do with another person in the romantic sense. Sex and relationships these days are getting so avant garde and it's being automatically assumed to be progress and I simply don't fit in that mindset. I guess you need to know who you are and know what kind of relationship you want before you get involved with someone. I know if someone married me and suddenly I learned they're just not that into me sexually and would rather be screwing other people to get their fix, then I don't want to be with that person. But then again, I know how I see marriage, and I would simply need to find someone who sees marriage similarly to how I see it.

And you responded to dude sorta how I wanted to so thanks for that cuz now I don't have to write anything. lol

edit: Actually I did just want to add that Japan is known for being pretty repressed about sex and it's no wonder they're the one country known for some of the kinkiest things; it's like their desires are hidden away and bursting at the seams. Just look at the crazy fanservice in their cartoons. But with the way modern teens are having sex in Japan today, after another 30 years or so, they could have a very different attitude toward it.  

[purpleravenhawk]

Almost everyone I know has cheated on their spouse or boy/girlfriend at some point. Including most of my older relatives, all of my younger relatives, and almost all of my friends and coworkers. If normal is just whatever is most common, that's what it looks like to me.

I understand where you're coming from, but I'm not sure it's such a modern assumption. Before marriage turned into a way to keep property inside a family, monogamy was created specifically to raise the offspring of that relationship. That's commitment to family and responsibility, but not necessarily love. For centuries after that, marriages were arranged (and still are); that's not love. I think the concept of love and sex going together may actually be the more modern idea, now that I think about it. Maybe we're just in the middle of another cultural cycle, and we'll come back around to it again. Like bell-bottom pants.

I'm sure there are lots of people out there who feel the same way you do. You just need to find each other. Me, I see it like this: Sex and love can definitely go together, and there's often a connection. But you can be attracted to someone you hate, and you can love someone you're not attracted to. So IMO, the connection is individual and unique. It's not always there, and sometimes you have to work to create it.

That's true about Japan. That's more psychology, btw. wink Anything that is so crazy repressed is going to express itself in wild, sometimes dangerous ways. Maybe they'll start having cultural cycles like the US does. Like the repressed '50s being followed by the crazy '60s, and now here we are in another repressive decade right now.  

[xwhateverxdudex]

Purple: I guess the only way to be sure is to live there.
You could go and make a phychology study of everyone around you.
LOL

Iakun: Personally I believe this one.
I mean sure love CAN lead to sex, but not always.
And most of the time when you're sexually attracted to someone,
you don't really "fall in love" with them either.
I very easily see a sepparation between
love and sex (one night stand - or just "sex friends" - LOL)

Purple: Uug, I hate "cultural cycles" - So confusing x.x





[pitty I can't cryogenically freeze myself until japan's next "wild cycle" - LOL]  

[purpleravenhawk]

Actually, even if you lived there, you'd still be an outsider. I know a guy who lived in Japan for years, and he said that they never really let you in on their real lives if you're not born there.  

[Iakun]

What I'm trying to get at is that a lot of younger people these days talk about separating the two as though that's how it works for everyone but it simply isn't the case. Admittedly it's more complex than stating love and sex are mutually exclusive because I don't think they are, but this also depends from person to person. Yeah, I see a separation of sex and love in OTHER people, but I know that's not how it works for myself.

But yeah, I guess people just have to find who is right for them, but that's if you even want to take a risk on another person who might just end up cheating on you anyway considering how common it is to cheat. I think that's why I've nearly completely chosen (aside from the fact I'm fugly) to never get involved with someone romantically/sexually because from my observations of people, those relationships are even weaker than simple friendships and half the time fail.  

[purpleravenhawk]

I see, yes, it's different for everyone. I know some people who are themselves the users and abusers and go through other people like kleenex. So there's definitely a huge difference among people.

Personally, I don't see intimate relationships as weaker, per se. They're just more prone to disaster due to the extra amounts of trust and effort that go into them. I've had very few friends that I would call close because people tend to take friendships for granted and not put much effort into them. I consider that a weakness because it means the relationship can be abandoned at any time. It also means that as a watery sort of relationship, it can last forever because it doesn't require anything. Of course, it's not very satisfying, either.

I honestly think the main reason most romantic relationships fail is because people don't think. They go into it expecting too much and giving/taking too much, depending on the person. And they don't think about anything long-term or serious. Yes, it's fun to go with the flow, but if you don't pay attention, you're gonna hit an obstacle.

But then, I think the reason most things fail is because people don't do enough thinking. whee  

[Iakun]

purpleravenhawk

I honestly think the main reason most romantic relationships fail is because people don't think. They go into it expecting too much and giving/taking too much, depending on the person. And they don't think about anything long-term or serious. Yes, it's fun to go with the flow, but if you don't pay attention, you're gonna hit an obstacle.

But then, I think the reason most things fail is because people don't do enough thinking. whee

I can definitely agree with this. I think my view point on the weakness of intimate relationships comes from a different place because in my life, my strongest relationships are with my closest friends. They kind of feel like my adopted family as I'm really not that close to my blood family. Maybe I've just become cynical and jaded simply from watching other people's relationships fail. lol xp  

[purpleravenhawk]

Well, I think you're lucky then to have had so many close friends. 3nodding Romance isn't necessarily all it's made out to be, and close friends are hard to come by. We may both be cynical and jaded, lol.  

[xwhateverxdudex]

Purple: Yeah, sometimes I wish I had been born somewhere else.
Not all the time, but sometimes.

Iakun: true, true.
It all, depends on the person.
Of course if you go into a relationship not expecting it to last, then you only end up sabotaging yourself.
So I guess if one fails...
It's due to expectations being either too high or too low v.v
(or someone not trying hard enough like purple said ^.^ )  

[purpleravenhawk]

Of course, if you'd been born somewhere else, that would be normal to you, and you'd have different ideas, and you might think that the U.S. was more appealing. xd  

[xwhateverxdudex]

LOL

So many unknown ideas that can never be conformed unless you were to actually have lived through such experiences.  

[Rinioa]

"Eeeeee, OMG Scary!" xD!
Wow, that was cute. (>_<) I'm a sucker for adorable little girls. They make me want to dance!!!!

♥ [rinioa]