[FIN] Laid to Rest

[BlackPidgeot]

"So when we got into the military we were under this one Captain. Now that was a great guy. Nothing like the other officers here in Devoirue. Really good with the people, and very laid back, it was easy to like him."

Yuri sighed and leaned back against the chair, resting his arms on the back again and tilting his gaze towards the sky.

"He knew my friend's dad, and back then, he had followed orders and lost his wife and daughter. It was a guilt he could never completely live down. So when the time came that the people were again in danger, he sacrificed himself to save them with no regrets." Yuri closed his eyes, recalling the painful memories as he'd tried to save his captain, but watched him die.

"It was then that my friend realized that his dad hadn't left nothing behind. He'd left his family, his legacy lived on through them, and that was worth it."  

[Suudonym]

Luke rested his elbows on his knees and leaned into them. He wasn't particularly fond of this story. Finally, finally, there was a murmur of a response, "And he's happy with that?"  

[BlackPidgeot]

"I wouldn't say happy," Yuri said. "Kinda hard to be happy when you lose people you care about. I think that was the first time I'd really seen him cry. But I'd say it brought him peace. He hasn't been angry like that since."  

[Suudonym]

He was sort of starting to wonder if there was just something wrong with him. There were always positives, or small comforts at the very least. He knew they existed, he could even list them off, but he couldn't accept them. He couldn't coerce himself to accept them. Asch wanted to escape Team Rocket. No. Asch wanted to protect Grande Ile's government. No. Asch wanted him to live. No.

Luke's response was disjointed from the conversation, an immense frustration hanging in his words, "I can't. I can't. I'm trying but I can't." His father was right; he was just being disrespectful.  

[BlackPidgeot]

Yuri opened his eyes and looked sidelong at Luke as again the boy struggled with his emotions. He had to face them sooner or later, sooner better than later. If Luke could just get through it, he'd be okay.

"Can't or won't?" Yuri asked quietly.  

[Suudonym]

A long pause. "I don't know," he eventually replied. "Both?"  

[BlackPidgeot]

Yuri had to try very hard to suppress a huge sigh at that, but he managed.

"Asch thought you were worth dying for, Luke. If he hadn't, you wouldn't be here. Denying it won't bring him back."  

[Suudonym]

"I know that," he said, tensing. He inhaled and exhaled a long breath in hopes of preventing the anxiety the thought always elicited. "But it's like I don't have control over my own thoughts. Asch… for me--" He shook his head at himself, clenching his hands. Stay calm. "He thought that I should live. But it doesn't stop at that. It's my fault; it's my fault at every single turn." Gradually he approached the same state of semiconsciousness he had exhibited aboard the ship. "You could have stopped all of this if you'd just thought about it. Hell, you could have both lived."  

[BlackPidgeot]

Yuri's brow creased, his mouth turning down in a frown in confusion.

"How the hell is any of this your fault?" he asked.

However, the words Luke said next caused Yuri to stiffen and a chill to go down his spine.

You could have stopped all of this...

However, he soon realized that Luke was talking to himself. Yuri turned and grabbed Luke by the shoulders, giving him a shake. "You couldn't have foreseen this, dammit!"  

[Suudonym]

"I know that!" His words came in tones of pure desperation. "I know it but I think it anyway! Everything's a should have or a what if and I know it's unrealistic but every single thought in my head is just screaming that I cut his throat myself--" Stop, stop stop, stop. Something had to give. He couldn't do this anymore.  

[BlackPidgeot]

Yuri's fingers tightened on the boy's shoulders. "Dammit Luke! If you need someone to blame so badly then it might as well be me!"

He was partly responsible for this after all. And really, Yuri would rather Luke be mad at him than watch the kid destroy himself like this.  

[Suudonym]

"It doesn't have anything to do with you!" he said, immediately frustrated by how easy it was to deny anyone else's blame when he could do nothing to free himself of his own. "All you did was help. All you've ever done is help. All I've ever done is need help." Damn it, even he could see that this self-deprecation was getting out of hand. Why was it so firmly rooted in his mind? He lowered his head slightly, his expression painful. "I'm sorry. Even right now you're just trying to help, and I'm acting like this…"  

[BlackPidgeot]

A slow sigh escaped Yuri, a pitying look on his face as he listened to Luke's words. His grip on the boy's shoulders loosening.

"There's no shame in needing help," the man replied. "It doesn't make you any less of a person." He paused, his eyes falling on Repede who was sitting nearby. Remembering a time when he had been full of guilt for having to kill someone.

"You didn't kill your brother. A part of him is still alive in you, and if you give up on everything now, you will be killing what's left of him. So don't let this get the best of you."  

[Suudonym]

Almost automatically he moved to shake his head in challenge of the words, but he prevented himself. It had to stop somewhere. His thoughts were destructive, and surrendering to them was only sinking him deeper into the mire. He instead forced a nod in response.  

[BlackPidgeot]

Luke's head nod wasn't exactly sincere, so Yuri could tell that he wasn't any better. The young noble was beyond what Yuri could do to help him, and it frustrated the man. He felt helpless, a feeling he deeply hated, watching Luke fall in on himself. But what more could he do?

After several moments of silence Yuri sighed. "Well. I guess I can take you back home, or back to the church. Or we can just sit here. It's up to you."

He was really worried about Luke, and would be keeping a close eye on him.