[FIN] aaaa... aaaaaahhh...AAAAAAHH-feels

[Blood_Goddess]

She watched him pull his pokedex out, though she didn't think anything of it, wondering if he was looking something up or just making sure it was working properly. At the moment her mind was continuing on the conversation.
"If you feel like you should. He stuck with you this whole time it seems like, and even got you out of the house, So the way I see it he probably doesn't think-"

She looked startled when she realized he was crying, his breath stopping train of thought.
"Ah! Luke, whats wrong?" She asked, turning to face him a little better, concerned, why were there tears in his eyes, Why was he crying? "Are you okay?"  

[Suudonym]

He tried to stop himself by thinking of anything else, but he could find no thoughts to distract him, and he placed his hands on his elbows as if holding himself back from something. "I'm sorry. I thought… I tried…" The memory of the girl's tears that answered just the suggestion he might abandon his life prevented him from finding the will to voice the words, but bearing it as a secret was painful. He felt as though he had betrayed her in the worst way - and the fear remained that, left to his own devices, he might very well do so again.  

[Blood_Goddess]

She didn't know what this was coming from, and so suddenly, and it worried her, had she said something wrong?
"Whats wrong?" She asked, "No no no no." She half squeaked, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Nooo, Luke its okay, don't be upset. don't be- its okay."  

[Suudonym]

The touch to his shoulder connected him to the idea of Rosie's presence. With a waning hesitation he reached for her, maneuvering into a lightly trembling embrace. This person in his arms was so invested in his well-being and overall happiness that the mere sight of evidence of sorrow moved her to such concern. And yet he-- "I tried to kill myself," he confessed haltingly. "I knew you'd come to Grande Ile but I still…"  

[Blood_Goddess]

"Hu?" a small questioning noise escaped her when he turned to her, and she found his arms around her.
"Luke?" She could feeling him trembling, it did little to ease her concern, or her confusion, She didn't know where this was coming from, but she wanted to help so badly.

She reached her arms up slowly touching his back, but before she could say anything he was speaking. and the words made her fall still, so much so that even her breath seemed to just stop in her chest.
What he had said last night, had not left her mind, though she had understood when he told her that he had not meant it.
They had been words, scary words, that linked to a deeper pain for him, but still, just words.

Now to hear that he had attempted to-... that he had actually-...
"Oh, Luke." she managed to whimper, her arms growing tighter around him. "Oh, no."
What was this pain he was feeling? What was this doing to him? What was taking hold of her friend and dragging him down, tearing up his hope, and happiness, leaving him so agonized that he would attempt to... Kill himself.
"I'm sorry-" she burst out weakly. "I'm so sorry Luke."
Why did any of this have to happen to her precious friend.  

[Suudonym]

He couldn't comprehend her apology, for the only blame in his head was against himself. When he spoke again, it was in a small, tight, uneven voice, "I'm just… terrified. Because it made so much sense. And when Yuri stopped me, I was disappointed. I couldn't understand anything he said." His grasp tightened marginally. "You and Sera were worried about me, and I…" a slight shake of his head, "I don't even feel like myself half the time… I don't know why I'm thinking things like this. I'm sick of it, and I'm--" Afraid. Deeply, terribly, unequivocally afraid.  

[Blood_Goddess]

She could not remember a time when she had to listen to something as upsetting at this, aside from the day she was told that her mother had died, the feeling of helplessness had been overwhelming, as it was now.
the difference here, was that Luke was still alive, He was at least alive, but things could have been different, Luke could be dead right now, he could have taken his own life. And that mere concept was way way too much for Rosie to handle, how would she handle that?
She had no idea.

But he was alive now, talking her now, though in a voice he barely had control over, it was still his voice.
Rosie moved, pulling her arms away from him to wrap them around his neck, hugging him securely. and leaning her head down closer to him so that she could speak and he could still hear her.
"Its okay, its okay." her voice was broken and barely over a whisper, effectively hiding her face as she clung to him. "We've got you-, we're not letting go. Luke... Oh god-" an intense weakness rushed through her body. "Oh god, Luke."  

[Suudonym]

"I'm sorry," he replied, desolate. "I don't think it's okay. I want it to be, but…" His grasp slackened as he mentally and emotionally withdrew, withering in the face of what felt like profound hopelessness.  

[Blood_Goddess]

She didn't let go, even when she felt him loosen his arms her fingers only tightened against the fabric of his coat.
A twinge of panic raked through her chest, at his words, and at the feeling of his grip slipping away.
He was giving up.
She spoke this to herself, speaking it loud of clear, and only once, once was enough to drive her into more of a panic.
'He's giving up, and you can't even begin to comprehend how close you were, and how close you could be to losing him.'

"Just-" Even words hurt, as she desperately tried to push them though.

'He would have been gone, gone just like that, and you would have never been able to do anything about it, just like mama. You would have had no idea that it was coming, you wouldn't even have gotten the chance to say goodbye.
Just like mama'

Her kneels buckled suddenly, though she was able to keep herself up, despite everything feeling like it was falling apart.
"Please please please, just hold on! Please." She begged through a breaking desperation.
If she was talking to herself, or to Luke, or probably both, her mind had not really clarified.  

[Suudonym]

There was a part of him that badly wanted to be distressed and to offer comfort and believe in Rosie's presence and support, but despondence numbed him. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "I don't want you to be sad because of me. I really don't. I'm sorry."  

[Blood_Goddess]

Squeezing her eyes shut, Rosie didn't say anything. Feeling more disappointed in herself when she heard his words then ever.
All she wanted to do, all she seemed to be able to do was just try and hold on.
What are you going to do?
Rosie... What are you going to do?

The voice talking to just her stopped for a while, and for a moment she hung in a state where the options in front of her were so blurred over with tears, that she had no idea what she could even choose from.
Where all she could think about was how badly she didn't was to lose her friend.

'He's not dead.' she told herself abruptly, startling herself.
Her eyes opened, blinking a few times.
'He's not dead, so stop acting like he's is. That's not going to help the living, breathing Luke in front of you now.
You cried over mom when she died, but if you had known it would happen, why would you waist that time left in crying. And if you could even be the remote bit of help, why would you spend it crying now?
What would you do girl? what?'

Rosie slowly pulled herself up, gathering whatever will she had so that she could look at him,
"I'm not sad..." She started, "I'm scared, I'm scared too Luke."
"I meant it earlier... I couldn't lose you, and the thought that you are in so much pain that you would want to end it like that, terrifies me more then facing down all of Team Rocket." She bit her lip, tilting her head, but not looking away from him, despite the tears still forcing their way from her eyes.
She blinked them away.
"I'm scared becasue I don't know what to do, or how to help you. But I'm going to start by being brave... something I never understood until I met you."

She pulled her arms away, defiantly brushing her face. "All I can offer is that I will be here, even if I'm scared. I can be here to talk to you, I'll sing to you, listen to you, To just sit with you in silence; all night! if that's what you need. And I know you don't feel like it will... but it will be okay, maybe not anytime soon. but I promise..." She dipped her head to try and catch his eyes with hers. "I promise it will be okay."  

[Suudonym]

Rosie's gaze would meet green eyes blurred with emotion and adorning an expression of surprise and gratitude. He didn't know what it was that he most needed, or even what he wanted beyond the generalization of escaping the things that haunted him, but this felt strangely close to it. He had struggled with Yuri's suggested concept of living for another's sake, but those words were starting to attach to a meaning. Surely he didn't want to die, let alone leave behind this veritable saint of a girl to suffer on his behalf. Overwhelmed by a sudden want to be near her, as though he could so simply comfort her and himself, he leaned to touch his forehead to hers, faintly quivering hands seeking hers. "I'm sorry," he said. "Thank you."  

[Blood_Goddess]

Though her eyes swelled with tears, she couldn't say that they were entirely bad, The look on his face, and the feeling that he took what she had said, and even if it was just a little, it did something for him.

Her eyebrows arched when she felt his forehead onto hers, blinking at him a couple of times before she swallowed and rounded her shoulders slightly.
"Thank you." She whispered back, opening her hands when his found hers, and linking her fingers into his, hoping that the shaking of her owns hands would subside enough as they clasped his to encourage his to as well.

"I'm here for you. We all are." her voice still quiet, she closed her eyes, just feeling his forehead against hers, his breath, his hands.

He's alive, right now.  

[Suudonym]

Were he giving the situation any analytical thought, he would have been amazed and relieved by how easily he was able to steady himself, how readily the worst of his thoughts evaporated. "I know," he said, his tone matching hers as he allowed his fingers to close into hers. "I'm glad."  

[Blood_Goddess]

She smiled, not trying to stop the tears that rolled down her cheeks, since her hands were currently occupied with something much more important.
She tilted her head a little after a few more passing moments, opening her eyes.
Rosie lifted her hands up to just at her chin, not letting go of his.