[FIN] Dark and Stormy Night

[Suudonym]

"Practically all the time, if I had to guess," he replied, wearing a broad smile. "I could put some conditions on it if you think that would be better. Like, not when I'm asleep, and preferably not when I'm eating - or not before I'm done, at least, because that might make a mess."

There were simultaneous feelings of perfect serenity and pure, explosive bliss, and the borderline overload left little ability to formulate cohesive thoughts, let alone a vocal response. He instead nodded his accordance in a single small motion.  

[Blood_Goddess]

(I realize that the flow of these two parts have kinda broken down right now o.o but Its late. I don't care right now, I'll talk to you about it tomorrow XD there is my tag, I wanted to write it this way)

She knew he wasn't being serious, but that alone was reason to be delighted, something she showed through a giggle, shaking her head sheepishly. The funny imagery aside, the fact that Luke was joking and wearing such a genuine smile was just elating.
"I will not abuse this new power you have given me." She teased back with a tone of importance, a mock seriousness broken by the playful way she smiled.

There was no protest, in fact there wasn't even any movement from the girl at all, and wanting to give the boy she was half holding no reason to pull away from her. He would when he wanted to, but she wasn't in any rush.
Blue eyes opened slightly as she listened to his breathing, wondering to herself if she was being too hopeful... She never stopped feeling strongly for him, It was just… what with the recent status of living, it wasn't something she could exactly explore, or even think about, not when just getting him out of bed and making sure he was taken care of was more important.

But what about now? He had just expressed a new found desire for a life, one that he wanted her in, promise of dancing, his gentle touch, his breath taking smiles, even playful were of actual happiness, and now this…
Gently her face tilted slightly toward him, closing her eyes tightly again and barely touching her own forehead to him.
“… Luke?”  

[Suudonym]

He laughed unabashedly at the response, answering with a similar authority in his own voice, "I trust that you will not." It was sort of silly, but he didn't mind playing around like this every so often. It was rare that he could attain a good enough mood for such simple lightheartedness.

The stillness and silence were contenting, his senses filled with her presence. It felt somehow shameful to open his heart so easily after having made the strict decision to shelve his feelings for the sake of fairness to the person who had offered to assist him out of friendship and goodwill, but he was met with no protest nor any sign of aversion. It felt, for some reason, as though he were on eggshells. There was the light pressure of her forehead suddenly against his, the warmth of her voice so close it was tangible. There was also a passing appreciation for a sturdy heart. "Hm?"  

[Blood_Goddess]

It was in the moment that she got his subtle reply that she found herself hovering in silent panic, now realizing that she had gotten his attention to say something, but finding she had not prepared exactly what she wanted to say.

'I'm in love with you'? It shouldn't be hard to say, it was honest, it wasn't complicated, and it summed up pretty much what she wanted to express.
But instead she found herself worrying very suddenly and heavily on the baggage of those words.
She felt suddenly exposed, internally struggling for something to say to him, back and forth, different things to say, or different ways of saying it, all the while her face burning the longer she made him wait.

"Mm... no, nothing."
Dismissing anything to say at all, she didn't know if she felt relived, or defeated, and ended up feeling an odd mix of the both.  

[Suudonym]

The permeating length of silence that followed fed and fed into Luke's anticipation, his most hopeful thoughts certain that he knew the words she intended to pronounce. And so the dismissal that followed deflated those hopes, kindling doubts, and his posture relaxed akin to a sigh. He nodded his head once, slightly, in acknowledgment of her words.  

[Blood_Goddess]

Her hand clenched under his, curling her shoulders forward a little in a form of shame as her arm just tightened around his neck and further hide her face.  

[Suudonym]

The disappointment in her body language was evident and somewhat worrying, as if she were withholding a secret that she knew would upset him and was bearing it to avoid that. "If there's something you need to say," he murmured, reluctant and anxious, "don't hold it back because of me."  

[Blood_Goddess]

The tone in his voice as he spoke drew her face up a little, slowly pulling herself back from him, enough to let her arm slide from his shoulders and move to rub her face, speaking quickly since it was obvious that what she started was making Luke uncomfortable, or more what she started and didn't finish.
"... Yes." She admitted. "I don't think its really fare for me to not say something, I'm just..."
She was what? scared? Did she honestly have any reason to be scared? Of course that little paranoia told her that of course she did! rejection! making a fool of herself, reading into things wrong, embarrassing someone she cared about or just being selfish.
But the reason part told her something completely different, and reminded her of everything Luke had said to her, had done for her and even now just... just he gestures the touches and the looks he gave her.

Either he felt the same way, or he was just a really really close friend, but either way, maybe he just did deserve to know the truth.
And after the two months of seeing him at some of his worse, the fact that she still felt this way about him... Told her that it wasn't going to change.

"I uh-... I know you've been going through a lot, more than anyone should, And I know you've got a lot that you're still just trying to deal with, You're my best friend, all I've ever wanted to do was help support you, help you with whatever you need, so I don't know if this is going to be a mistake or not... but Its getting harder not to tell you, and I don't think its fare not to be honest... so..."
She tried to look at him as she spoke, always used to looking people in the eye when addressing them, but the times she attempted to only caused her to look down again her cheeks very flushed, her voice timid and hands shaking as she tugged at the hem of her shirt.

Taking a breath to try and slow her nerves, and make her not feel as heavy as she did, the blond glanced up again, forcing herself to look at him even if every part of her brain was screaming at her to look back at her hands.
In a small voice she spoke with a consecrated steadiness
"Je suis en amour avec vous..."

Tears brimmed to her eyes as soon as she said it, despite clearly her best efforts to stop them, reaching up to press her hands to her eyes. "Oh nooo." she said to herself at this reaction.  

[Suudonym]

He wasn't sure whether or not he was to continue holding her hand; it seemed like she was struggling and he wanted to offer his support, but if he was the reason for that struggle then he assumed it would be courteous to remove himself from her space. With some hesitation he uncurled his fingers, withdrawing only partially as he fought to avoid holding his breath. He fought similarly to maintain a neutral expression, though as she spoke he couldn't prevent the knit of his brow. As he caught her gaze, however, and heard her small words, the indications of worry were erased from him, leaving him in visible indecision between elation and plain, expulsive relief.

When he drew a breath to speak, his voice instead produced a glad laugh, followed by a largely unintentional jumble of thoughts as his eyes fell aside, "Je pensais que vous diriez que vous êtes fatigué de cela. Vous savez-- Les étreintes et… choses. Je pensais que vous diriez 'arrêtons, soyons amis.' Not that that would really be a problem or anything - you're my best friend too - I just mean…" He paused, breathed, and spoke more steadily, "Je suis heureux. Je suis en amour avec vous aussi."  

[Blood_Goddess]

Her hands lowered from her eyes when he started speaking, though it took a couple of seconds to realize that she wasn't understanding the words he was saying.
Blinking new tears out of her eyes she couldn't help a small laugh once she got over the surprise that Luke was speaking his native language at her.
Trying to catch him in his talking before he got too far "Luke... I don't... Know what you just said."
Though he beat her too it, and there was one statement in his words, the last thing he said.

She stilled, her hands stopped shaking but her breath increased before she let out a slight gasp to try and level it.
She had never heard him actually speak this much french before, it was easy to forget that he knew another language, but it sounded beautiful in his voice, especially when he had said, the past she understood anyway. It left her sitting there still anyway.  

[Suudonym]

"Sorry," he said, realizing that hearing French had triggered a reflex to respond in it, "most of it wasn't very important." He paused to think and organize his words more, raising a hand to run through his hair. "I don't actually… know what to say," he confessed, blinking into his lap. "I always thought it wasn't fair, to have your friendship and your support and your constant willingness to just be there whenever I ask - and then love you on top of it. I thought that was awfully selfish and arrogant, so I just kind of… put it aside." He inclined his eyes towards her briefly, his smile sheepish and apologetic, "Or tried to, at least - most of the time. I thought I could just stay beside you and try to help you find happiness, because honestly that's the bare minimum of what I owe to you, but it's always the other way around, with you making me happy." Maintaining a downward gaze, he slipped his hands under hers, resting her fingertips lightly in his palms. "So putting it aside has not been very successful, strictly speaking. Sort of exactly the opposite."  

[Blood_Goddess]

It wasn't any easier to keep eye contact with him, as she did her heart beat hard against her chest, partly but for some reason she just couldn't look away either.
her lips parted slightly during his explanation, reaching her hand up to brush her cheeks with her sleeves, and try to calm down enough to stop sniffing.
It helped when he touched her hands again.

"I always though I was being selfish too..." She admitted with a slight smile back at him. "I guess... I always wondered if you felt the same way, but how much was I willing to risk burdening you more." her fingers shifted so that she could lace her fingers in his "I guess in the end we just wanted each other to be happy."  

[Suudonym]

"That's kind of frustrating," he said, frowning thoughtfully. "You know that letter I gave you a long time ago? The rest of it was garbage, but at the end it said very clearly, in English even, 'I love you.'" His hands tensed reflexively on hers. "I guess that's my fault for writing a garbage letter, though."  

[Blood_Goddess]

"The letter- it... it did?" she looked clearly surprised, "I..." she had to think back about the letter, glancing down and reaching up to rub her own shoulder.
"I didn't read it..." She said apologetically, "Oh my gosh, I'm sorry, I feel terrible."

Was this a joke? It had been there the whole time and she hadn't read it! she just threw his confession away, becasue she had been upset.  

[Suudonym]

He shook his head dismissively, "You asked me if I wanted you to read it and I said no, so it's nothing you should feel bad about."