[FIN] History Repeats Itself

[Suudonym]

He stayed at her side, rubbing a hand gently at her back and speaking softly, "it's okay, it's okay."

Eventually she seemed to gain some control over her breathing, and he raised his hand to stroke her hair. "Are you feeling better? Do you want to go upstairs, or do you want to stay here a while longer?"  

[Blood_Goddess]

A few of the pokemon from the other room had moved to the foot of the stairs, in clear worry as to what was going on. Jazz and Ballet both looked confused, though Ballet looked more worried and frightened as to what happened then anything else, Cleric stepping up next to them with a soft frown on his face
Vahy'n was the one to move past them, and up the steps to ward the girl she helped raise, glancing over at Luke before squeezing herself up next to Rosie's over side, sitting down next to the blond.

Her response was first of a deeper breath, then a soft shake of her head.
She couldn't seem to relay anything verbally yet, though she managed to sit up enough to use her arm and brush the tears away from her face.
"I'm s sorry." she said softly, "I didn't mean t to do that."

She tried to get away before it got out of hand, she really did, and though she still felt bad about it, she was grateful with how forward Luke was about being supportive, and comforting. not that it really was unusual, he was that kind of person by nature.  

[Suudonym]

"Of course you didn't," he said, leaning against her. "No one would want to go through that. But it's okay. You're okay."  

[Blood_Goddess]

Blurry eyes blinked when she felt him lean against her, taking another broken breath as a weight still seemed to settle over her.
when she did move it was to lift her head a little, and leaning over to rest her forehead against Luke, keeping her hands at her face to keep herself from crying all over him.

"I'm not okay." She said at length "I'm trying to make it okay, but nothing I do... and now this."  

[Suudonym]

He shook his head just slightly, leaning it against hers. "Why are you not okay?" There was the obvious, of course, but it sounded like she had something more in mind, something more constant and overarching.  

[Blood_Goddess]

Her shoulders just hunched at the question, and she shuddered with another stifled sob.
"I didn't know you had to kill someone, And its not the first time, so many people had had to loose their lives of do terrible things to keep good people safe. I never knew what you had to do, and I can't imagine what pain that might have caused you."

She pulled her hands away from her face to look at them "After all this time, and after everything you've done for people I couldn't even find the courage to help when Rocket attacks you, I just got so scared I didn't do anything. Maybe, maybe if i had just done something... anything!- Meiu wouldn't have died, and you wouldn't..."

rosie couldn't stop herself from shaking, thinking it was one thing but coming out and admitting it, just made fact of just how pathetic she was that much more painful. and worse, it wasn't just hurting her, it was hurting the people she loved.  

[Suudonym]

"Maybe," he said. "Or maybe not. Even if you knew for a fact that everything would have worked out better, what would you do with that information?" He shook his head faintly, "Dwelling on and condemning yourself over ifs and maybes won't change the past."

He raised his other hand to hers, weaving his fingers with hers to still the trembling. "I think it's a lot more normal to be afraid of dangerous things than to jump into them," he offered. "Fear is a big part of protecting yourself, and moving past that instinct isn't something people do easily. Courage is an easy word and an easy concept that's actually much heavier that anyone would guess - but anyone can become strong enough to carry it."  

[Blood_Goddess]

"Its... its not just that, its every time I've stood back and didn't help when I could have been. I know its too late now, and that all I can do is try and take it better... so why can't I? why can't I make any progress in self defense, why can't I just stop being scared so we don't have to loose anymore loved ones."

Something touched her hand, fingers laced with hers, causing her to look up to see his hand holding hers.
This seemed to surprise her, bringing her gaze up again to look at him, a little taken aback as she slowly become more aware of the fact that he was more of less holding her.

He started speaking though, countering already what she had to say, Her eyes fell as he spoke, he bring up good points, nodding her head lightly to show she understood but sinking back down against herself. "Maybe there's just something wrong with me."  

[Suudonym]

"It's not something that will change like flipping a switch," he said. "It's a part of your personality. Changing it won't be quick or easy - but it's not impossible either."

He caught her gaze as she looked up, nudging her lightly with his shoulder, "That's the opposite of what I said." He supplemented the light chiding with a look of warm encouragement. "You'll just sabotage yourself thinking like that. If you stay positive and don't give up, you'll get there eventually. And if you can't shoulder your doubts by yourself, you know I'll always be beside you."  

[Blood_Goddess]

Lifting her free hand to shakily pull the hair that was sticking to her tear soaked cheeks. sniffing a couple of times to try and gain a little more composure as she listened to him.
"Then am I just doing something wrong? Its been so long..."

the look, nudge and tone that he took as he spoke to her caused Rosie to blush a little, though she nodded slowly to show that she understood, though still felt like she was a long way off to really making any progress, as much as she agreed with what he said.
"I just don't know what else to do, I feel like I'm just going backwards. I'm trying to stay positive and not give up, but I'm just not making it, and now its just so obvious that its not just... embarrassing, but its hurting the ones I love."
She looked back up at him new tears forming in her eyes as she just felt hopeless again "I don't know what else to do."

"and now just look at me." she said with a great deal more embarrassment, quickly lowering her face to rub her eyes on her arm "You're the one who was attacked today by someone who tried to kill you. I should be acting like this."  

[Suudonym]

"Well, here's what you can do," he began. "No more negative thoughts. When you start thinking about how it's taking too long or you're doing something wrong or you can't do it well enough, stop yourself and say no, no more of that - you're strong, you're brave, and you'll win in the end." He squeezed her shoulder lightly. "Believe in it, even if you're only pretending, and eventually it'll become more and more real until it's not just pretending anymore."

As she lowered her head, he moved his hands to place at either side of her face, hoping to catch her eyes again, "Do I look like I care about something like that?"  

[Blood_Goddess]

She swallowed closing her eyes as the suggestion was laid out for her, and the moment she didn't feel too confident, still wearing the weight of what she had just learned, but it also seemed like the only real option she had. So despite the lead in her chest she swallowed again and nodded, before finding warm hands touch her face bringing a gaze she would rather be hiding back up to Luke's his green eyes, that uncomfortable looking bandage... but... those green eyes...

Arceus she missed him, she wasn't sure where the sudden comforting gestures toward her were coming from all of a sudden, but she couldn't deny that it was helping... tough it did hurt a little, admittedly. Even if he didn't feel the same way about her, it was still very much the man she fell in love with, He was the same person with the same qualities she loved about him.

Taking another shaky breath, eventually shaking her head in reply to his question, glancing down and lifting one of her hands to his, "Still... it must have been disturbing enough on its own."  

[Suudonym]

"Mm... I guess it was." There was no denying that he had been shaken, or that the idea of going out alone tomorrow to report to officer training was a bit frightening, but those thoughts were far from the forefront of his mind. "This might be kind of insensitive to say right now, but I'm actually kind of happy," he leaned his forehead to touch hers, "because I know that I love you. I know that beside you is the best place I can be."  

[Blood_Goddess]

Blue eyes widened a little when he moved closer, her breath catching in her lungs with surprise as she felt his forehead gently touch against hers, he was close enough to feel his breath, and what happened next took her completely by surprise.

"Y... you don't need to say that." She said with a shuddering hesitance, pulling herself back a little with a lot of difficulty.
Where was this coming from? out of no where, surely he was just trying to cheer her up or something? "Its okay..."
No... no it wasn't okay, don't say that unless you mean it... please, that hurts.  

[Suudonym]

He regarded her with an expression that was mildly surprised and somewhat forlorn - not unlike a puppy after being unexpectedly scolded. "It's not like I'm saying it for no reason..."