[Fin] Lovely start to the day

[TawnyAngel]

Taavi leaned against Abel and took a shaky breath, struggling to hold back tears again. "If- if they weren't happy couldn't they have said?" Even now he wanted to correct Abel for saying 'he' all the time but he couldn't, not ever and definitely not now just in case- No he didn't think Abel would get angry at him if he did so but it still felt like confrontation and he couldn't. "I could have worked on it, done something differently but- but not the long distance thing that wasn't me!... Oh. Oh. You... you don't think maybe they're seeing their landlord do you?" No long distance, and with the wealth they apparently had probably not a lot of danger to worry about either. That was it wasn't it? Sasha had just moved on to somebody better.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

The male pronouns continued. "He could have told you if he was unhappy, but some people aren't that good at communicating things like that," he pointed out softly. He expected Taavi would struggle to convey his unhappiness to a partner he deeply cared for when he could simply try to keep pleasing them instead; it was easier that way, less confrontation. "No, the long distance thing wasn't your fault," though it made him wonder just why there was long distance at all. Couldn't they have found something they could have afforded together? Was a wonderful deal on rent more important than living with his boyfriend?

Not that he believed that story, of course, though now probably wasn't the best time to bring that up. "No, I don't think that's the case," he said instead.  

[TawnyAngel]

"No, I guess not." He remembered meeting Sasha on the way to that show, he'd been so keen to impress this cool confident stranger and for some crazy reason it had worked and since then things had been - had felt - almost perfect. Sasha liked him, loved him, laughed at his jokes and kissed him hard. And now it was over and he didn't even understand why. "I... I didn't understand the bit about things being dangerous. Did they not want to be with me now I'm in the KSO?" It wasn't a safe job but Sasha had encouraged him, had said he'd be good at it! And he would be, he knew he would be. Arceus knew he wasn't often confident but this, this was his passion and... and.... "...I don't think it was, but if it wasn't what was it?" Maybe Sasha had just got bored, they were so alive and vibrant he... had he ever really been able to keep up?  

[BlackFireKitsune]

"I don't either," Abel admitted with a frown as he ran his free hand over his face, studying a rather interesting spot of the coffee table. What did he mean it was too dangerous? Too dangerous how? If it was because Taavi was putting himself in harm's way then Sasha had to have known that would be the case. Maybe he'd encouraged Taavi without realizing what he was encouraging him to do? Was it too dangerous because his partner would be in danger and he didn't want to or couldn't handle that - or was it too dangerous because he could be in danger from Taavi being in the KSO somehow? It didn't make much sense to him no matter which way he looked at it, and only made the whole thing seem that much more cowardly. If he couldn't think of a good enough reason, he could've at least been honest. If it wasn't working out, he could've had the decency to say so. "I honestly don't know," he admitted with a soft, small sigh as he gave his friend's shoulder a squeeze. Even if Sasha wouldn't be there for him anymore - was he ever? - then at least Abel would. "Maybe he just didn't think it was working out, or maybe.. I don't know. He could've at least told you why. No one should ever break up with someone else with a note for any reason; it isn't even remotely fair to the other person. I'm sorry he did that to you."  

[TawnyAngel]

A small, fragile spark of rebellion flickered to life in Taavi's heart. He hadn't deserved that, had he? He was worth more than that wasn't he? He was a long way from perfect but-

Taavi leant forward and swatted the crumpled note off the table. "No, they shouldn't. Even if that was all they had to say they could have said it to my face." The spark wavered then under the weight of everything that had happened over the last two days, wavered but didn't quite go out as Taavi slumped back against the couch and leant into Abel again. "I'll send them a message, not today but soon. I... I'm not going to ask them for any more than what they said but I should have a chance to say how I feel too." Even if this was all his fault somehow he deserved that much, anyone did.

A moment after Taavi finished speaking Zevran cleared his throat politely from the doorway of the kitchen; he was holding two mugs in one hand and a plate of sliced fruit in the other. "Breakfast?" he offered. "Perhaps not what you want right now but both of you should eat and drink a bit. I made your coffee the way you like it."  

[BlackFireKitsune]

Before Abel could respond to Taavi, Zev made himself known and the taller blond shot him a brief, grateful look. "Yes please." While he wasn't sure if Taavi wanted anything - even though he should definitely eat something - he knew he did.

Focusing on Taavi again, Abel gave his shoulder another squeeze. "He should have said it to your face. That would've been the most respectful way to do it, and the way everyone should. Leaving a note or doing it through text or something is a shitty, cowardly way of doing it. Doing it in person gives you the opportunity for you to ask questions or say whatever you need to and get at least some kind of feedback; leaving a note takes that opportunity away from you and doesn't give you the kind of closure you need," he pointed out. "He didn't give you that chance, and I'm sorry he didn't." He really should have; the decision to take the easy way out - easier for him - really left him wondering if Sasha had ever truly cared for Taavi, or just dated him for fun and never took it seriously. Taavi certainly took it seriously.  

[TawnyAngel]

Zevran gave Abel a small smile in response and set down the mug he gathered was his favourite in front of him before placing Taavi's in front of him and lastly the plate of fruit between them. "There, and I will put some toast on as well," he informed the pair as he withdrew towards the kitchen again.

Taavi picked up his mug and gave Zevran- well Zevran's back a tired nod of gratitude. "Thanks Zev." His head was pounding and his stomach was churning but coffee felt like a good idea? He sipped it slowly and turned Abel's words and his own thoughts over in his head. "I met them not that long after I got here. It's... it's weird thinking of not seeing them anymore. I don't think they want to see me again, that is. They'd've said if they wanted to be friends right?" He was pretty sure they would have but he glanced at Abel for confirmation all the same. Why did he always need other people to validate his opinions? Oh, yeah, because he was a doormat. He'd tried to stop being a doormat and he'd failed but maybe it was time to try again.

Valour was gone, Sasha was gone, but he- he was still here and he was a KSO officer. "I'm tired of s**t just happening to me." He couldn't do anything about some of it - about Alyssa, and about things in the past - but he could change in the future!... Right?  

[BlackFireKitsune]

"Thank you," he said, his tones appreciative as he reached his free hand out to pick up the mug of coffee. After sipping at it thoughtfully for a few moments, he picked up a piece of fruit and popped it into his mouth. Without Zev injecting a bit of normalcy into their lives, he was pretty sure neither of them would've had any coffee or food for quite a while.

Turning back to the matter at hand, the blond turned and aimed a soft smile at Taavi. "I think I met you not too long after you got here too, yeah? But I can understand that. They probably would have, but..." He trailed off with a frown as he took a sip of coffee, unknowingly picking up on the more neutral pronouns. "Honestly if it was me, I wouldn't even really want to be friends after being dumped like that. It was rude, selfish, insensitive and disrespectful at the very least; that's not exactly the type of friend I'd want to have."

Rather than comment on the whole 'stuff keeps happening to me' Abel took a sip of coffee. s**t just kept happening to him too, though he knew why, and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. He was tired of it, sure, but that didn't mean he could change it. He really wished he could; more than that he really wished he could make Taavi feel better.  

[TawnyAngel]

"Mmh." Taavi smiled weakly and leant against Abel again with his working hand curled around his mug. "I was like, just off the boat. Elizabeth set fire to my paper and you insisted on getting me a new one. You were all; 'Welcome to Kodo, where rogue Charmeleons destroy your means of finding employment!' I remember you saying that, and then I was weird but you took my number anyway. I.... I don't know Abel, I love them," his breath hitched in his chest again, "I- I love them and if they wanted to know me at all I'd take whatever they offered... and yeah I know how pathetic that sounds. How can I be furious with them for doing that but still want to be with them?"  

[BlackFireKitsune]

"I don't remember saying that but that sounds like something I would say," he replied with a faintly amused smile. He remembered Elizabeth setting the newspaper on fire though - he remembered it quite clearly. "And I couldn't just not replace the one she set on fire, that would've been so rude of me." How could he not?

And then Taavi was upset again, on the verge of tears again, and as much as Abel wanted to say he shouldn't see or talk to Sasha ever again... "Because love is a really complicated thing," he said instead with a sigh. "It doesn't always make sense."  

[TawnyAngel]

"Mmh. Yeah. I guess." Taavi took another sip of his coffee and let out a soft sigh. "You know if Elizabeth hadn't done that we'd probably not've met. I'm really glad she did." A lot of s**t had happened since then and, honestly, some of the worst of it only because he had known Abel but; "Y'know I wouldn't swap being your friend for an easy life." He'd never been very good at making friends among humans so the connections he did make he valued a lot and did everything he could to maintain. "...Maybe I was just too needy for Sasha?"  

[BlackFireKitsune]

"Yeah, that's true, though we might've some other way." It was always possible, but nothing either of them would ever know for sure, not that that mattered much. They had met and become friends, and then everything had gone downhill from there.

Taavi's next statement caught him completely off-guard, and he turned a baffled expression to his friend. "That's--" Even after everything that had happened, everything that was his fault - because almost all of it was - for Taavi to say something like that... Sure, it wasn't his fault that Taavi had gotten fired nor hadn't been able to find any employment after, but it was he who invited him to stay, to bring him somewhere that Alyssa would find him, and even though it was Alyssa who had taken an interest in Taavi, it was Abel that had told her what she needed to know to blackmail him. It was his fault that Taavi couldn't keep any money to save up to go somewhere better, to move into his own place or to buy good food or new clothes or pretty much anything. Alyssa only sunk her claws into Taavi because of him; Taavi knew that perfectly well, without any doubt, but for him to say something like that, for him to mean something like that - probably wholeheartedly - it was almost too much.

The tight squeeze he gave his friend's shoulder wasn't out of any kind of reassurance. Warm, grateful appreciation mixed with shamefaced guilt in his expression for a moment or two before he wrapped both arms around his friend and hugged him tightly. "That.. that means a lot," he murmured into Taavi's shoulder, focusing on a particularly interesting section of the couch. Taavi was too good, too kind; he didn't deserve to have him as a friend at all. And yet there he sat, selfishly hugging him for comfort -- at this point the gesture was as much for Taavi as it was for himself. "Dude, don't ever think that. You're not too anything; you're great and you deserve so much better than that. Please don't think his shitty behavior and decisions were because you were too needy or not good enough or something."  

[TawnyAngel]

He had really, really needed this hug. Taavi buried his face in Abel's shoulder and took a shuddering breath that turned into a quiet sob. "You mean a lot," he mumbled, wrapping his good arm around his friend in return. Maybe Abel was right, maybe not all of it was down to what he'd done or hadn't done but it didn't feel like it at the moment. Couldn't he have done more to save Valour and Jacques, and couldn't he had done something to stop Sasha leaving? It all hurt too much and he still felt as though somehow he must have done something to deserve it even though he knew that didn't make any sense.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

The comment made him squeeze his eyes shut, prompted him to hug Taavi that much tighter despite the pain in his wounds, and he had no inclination to move away until his friend did so first.