Things Resident Evil characters would NEVER say

[Draconian Chaos]

Chris and Barry, after recovering from a pot addiction walk down a hallway and stop, seeing a finely placed green herb on the floor in front of them.

Chris: -Looks at Barry-

Barry: -Looks at Chris-

Chris: ...

Barry: ...

Both of them dive for it at the same time.

Chris: It's MINE!!

Barry: NO IT'S MINE!!

Jill enters, seeing both of them fighting over the green herb. She shakes her head.

Jill: Look at you two..

Both stop and look at Jill.

Jill: You should be ashamed, fighting over an herb. What are you, 2 years old?

Chris and Barry stand up and walk away, continuing on. Jill watches and waits until they are gone and pulls out Chris's lighter.

Jill: Haha..what losers.

-Flicks lighter on-

FIN  

[Celestial Fox Frenzi]

Ashley: Hey Leon! You wanna have sex??
Leon: No thank you, for I am quite clearly a homosexual.  

[Biohazard EXTREME]

Really? You don't think he'd say that?  

[Celestial Fox Frenzi]

Nope, he'd say something gay like 'Sorry, I don't like busty blonde chicks.'  

[karatechamp]

Chris: Dammit! Where's Raccoon City again?
Claire: (sigh) You really have no sense of direction,do you,brother?
Chris: Hey! You shut your b***h a** up and make me a zombie sandwich!
Claire: O.o  

[Psychotic_Relations]

Barry burton: *Stares at an approaching female zombie, with no clothes on and grins. Producing a ball gag from one of his many pouches* Here why don't you put this on sweet heart.  

[Biohazard EXTREME]

Derrty! >.<

During the fight with the tyrant in RE1, instead of the rocket launcher, it's brad who ends up falling out of the helicopter.

Jill: Brad, what the hell!? A weapon would have been nice!

Brad: Jill, if I could shoot a rocket out of my a** right now, I would!  

[Draconian Chaos]

Ashley: So, who was that woman back there?

Leon: ...

Ashley: Leon?

Leon: ....

Ashley: LEON!

Leon: Wha! Oh..I'm sorry..I was just thinking about the reward your father will give me when I get you home...

Ashley: What's that gonna be?

Leon: Something I've wanted for a very long time...-Begins thinking gay thoughts..-  

[Celestial Fox Frenzi]

Biohazard EXTREME

Derrty! >.<

During the fight with the tyrant in RE1, instead of the rocket launcher, it's brad who ends up falling out of the helicopter.

Jill: Brad, what the hell!? A weapon would have been nice!

Brad: Jill, if I could shoot a rocket out of my a** right now, I would!

Please excuse as I have laughed so hard I s**t myself.

*Ahem*

Chris: Me and Barry go way back...
Jill: How far?
Chris: To the boy's locker room in seventh grade...  

[Biohazard EXTREME]

Well, might as well follow up.

Jill meets Brad at the bar in RE3.

Brad: Listen, he's coming for us, we're both gonna die!

Jill: Stop it Brad! You're so afraid of everything! Do you enjoy being called a chicken?

Brad: Jill, if I could shoot an egg out of my a** right now, I would.  

[Celestial Fox Frenzi]

Biohazard EXTREME

Well, might as well follow up.

Jill meets Brad at the bar in RE3.

Brad: Listen, he's coming for us, we're both gonna die!

Jill: Stop it Brad! You're so afraid of everything! Do you enjoy being called a chicken?

Brad: Jill, if I could shoot an egg out of my a** right now, I would.

OOh, I have one...

Brad: J-Jill...

Jill: Brad!

Brad: We gotta...

*Nemesis pops in* Graw!

Brad: *Lays an egg.* Well whaddya know, I am a chicken...  

[RoninFox]

Brad: THIS... IS... SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!  

[NotteRequiem]

Jill, after seeing Nemesis for the first time:

"Okay, that's it! I give up, infect me already! Get it the hell over with!!"  

[Biohazard EXTREME]

Jill to Nemesis: What a big tentacle you have! And what a bit rocket launcher you have! Compensating for something?  

[Celestial Fox Frenzi]

Biohazard EXTREME

Jill to Nemesis: What a big tentacle you have! And what a bit rocket launcher you have! Compensating for something?

Nemesis: Yes...