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 Posted: Wed Apr 05, 2023 11:47 am
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Posted: Thu Apr 06, 2023 10:33 am
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Posted: Fri Apr 07, 2023 10:55 am
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Posted: Sat Apr 08, 2023 10:17 am
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Posted: Mon Apr 10, 2023 10:59 am
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Posted: Mon Apr 10, 2023 5:19 pm
Aye it's sad when there is one to spoil the bunch at times like that with normal people, that I'm glad to not be normal people. So ironic as it is I'm glad to be seen as a delinquent and blacksheep/failure to some of my family. cat_xd Yeah so many fun games with the flaw of thanks to the world's way e got to cut a lot of music out you get that "******** really?!" mood. (At least I know I get that mood, and it's mainly the moodiness of "if you don't want your music going out to begin don't let the gfd game company making their games use your songs in it to begin! Cause as one whom wants to play and enjoy the game this ruins that for me!" and it honestly makes it upset for imo it's honest BS to have to turn off all the music just cause one song maybe gets copy righted by the music company for a song they want to own, I mean sure a little moments of I get it happens too but I am more filled with gfi I just want to play a game and not have to do so much to share it to the world safely for there is always some BS that gets a strike against the game being played. And personally to me it feels that is why a lot of streamers of games only play so much of it when it comes to music issues. xp ) Ngl honestly the idea of GPAs after life events of mine has started to just piss me off & it's mainly thanks to many jobs in the town here of mine are demanding a high GPA that I've honestly started to feel "Guess I wont ever have a job my family would call a job." & thanks to other things of things I doubt it'll be easy to get a job in a thing that wont demand a high GPA and I'm kind of my own boss in a sense. (cause you know having to follow the streaming TOS stuff.) Adding on to my wont lie moments, after my case of losing "friends" like that for the first time in my life in 2020, all my trust issues plummeted lower than I want and I hate it for my trust was already low with my own family members some cause of seeing my family only use my father for money or at least it felt so for anytime I ever seen them even getting back from school it was they were there got money and left so personally to me it was they only visited for cash and dipped out again, no idea if they ever actually spent time with dad or not before I got home from school on days like that. (And honest if I'm correct I do not want to be correct. gonk ) TMNT has always been a random thing for me to watch along with other shows, for most of my childhood I didn't eve have fancy TV so I mostly dealt with until the Summer with family mostly only having the PBS channel, & once you're a pre-teen & teenager least for me it got my shows I wanted to watch more came to a "I'd prefer stuff like Family guy, Futurama, & the Simpsons mixed with anime shows on TV more." which with standard TV you didn't really get much of. But forging around in life with friends and such I got to watch my kind of stuff learn about internet places to watch my anime & so on as life is. (so much so even today even having Plex I watch more anime & TMNT on wcostream.com which scared me once for they got all now you need to join our premium members when I'm financial struggling that is slow to recover from honestly.) So for growing up most my TMNT was 4kids at home then when with family or friends watching the other ones. I haven't drawn so long myself it'd be nice to try to draw again some point, and with no art teacher to harsh on my art like he's a professional that knows it all maybe I can draw just for enjoyment and actually get good for I'll keep practicing up my drawings to become better compared to with school I got so annoyed I basically stopped drawing all together that my skills went from what I consider decent to what I now look at and think I'm s**t at drawing.
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Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2023 11:38 am
Yeah, I revel in my weirdness. And I get so sick of some people (like my aunties) that it's just like "Really glad I'm nothing like you even though that makes you basically thumb your nose at me."
Ugh, yes. And I know a big part of it is because they don't want anyone going to these videos to listen to the music and having someone that isn't THEM making money from that, but to just use, like, thirty second clips or something in reviews or whatever where the viewers knowing the music is important, it just doesn't make sense to go after those pieces of media. And then all the hoops you have to jump through to make footage of certain games (e.g. Dead Space, Resident Evil) acceptable for most media platforms, it's just so convoluted.
That's... weird. I've never seen any jobs requiring a certain GPA. I've seen plenty requiring a certain amount of post-secondary education, but not any specific GPA. Seems like an unnecessary limitation on your prospective employee pool to me.
I always have a hard time wrapping my head around why people feel it's okay to use others like that. I guess I'm just too nice, I literally can't fathom ever doing something like that. I know it happens, of course, and have known many people that do things like that, but it just... makes no sense to me.
I watched a LOT of PBS growing up. Even in high school I was still watching childish stuff on PBS, like DragonTales and Cyberchase. cat_sweatdrop It was pretty much the only channel I could guarantee I could get on my tiny television. (One of those old ones with a built-in VCR and an antenna on top.) And once I got into anime, everything I watched had to be something airing on a channel we got, because we lived in the boonies and our internet was garbage (dial-up, the great teacher of patience). We didn't have good internet until I was a junior in high school, and by that point I was so busy with schoolwork and taking care of my mum that television was only ever background noise, or used to entertain my cousins when we watched them.
Art teachers like that are the WORST! I had a professor like that in uni, I HATED him. And he was one of those "participation is part of your grade, so you better participate" professors, but he never liked anything I had to say and refused to actually let me participate. When he died a couple years after I quit uni, I was actually glad about it. >>; In my experience, though, drawing is a lot like riding a bike, you never really lose the ability, just have to get your limbs reaccustomed to the movements. Even with how infrequently I draw these days, I can still manage decent character references, and replicating something from reference is still practically second nature.
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Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2023 11:43 am
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Posted: Fri Apr 14, 2023 10:57 am
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Posted: Sat Apr 15, 2023 9:57 am
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Posted: Sun Apr 16, 2023 4:56 am
Being the odd kind of people is the best way of life imo; Mainly cause being normal from how "normal" people are in my life are and try to make me be like somewhat as they are is just all "nope do not want."
I wont lie in reality for jobs here I feel it's honestly just them being a.holes with not wanting to hire me for they see me and think I'm either lazy, will eat all their stock of food, or thanks to some of my cousins, aunts and uncles whom lived in this town that had our same last name they might fear I'll steal from them all just like those cousins, aunts & uncles had done. (literal inside Elder scrolls joke I have with my own family members whom know of it is "Our family is Khajiit, we had one bad apple in us do wrong and now they all judge us poorly." it's sad for it is true as living on this avenue alone due to some bad apples in our bunch we have had cops visit us a lot when any thing happens as they all suspect us thanks to some dumb member of our family we all wish didn't have our last name. xp )
So my best bet of work is either my plans of do them that are all rough to start up, or learn to drive then proceed to look for work that leaves this town and maybe the next five over to find a single job whom didn't have a rotten apple of us so our reputation isn't ruined. (And with a small town as this it's a worse case of the members may not have our last name even but cause they know our family they know whom and whom and if one of them were also awful they still will judge us. And sadly I'm use to the judgement of them all for my school system all my childhood did the same.)
As for how some people can be that way I honestly am not the best to answer cause of mood of me is awful about them being around in life that I can only answer I think they're all born evil. xp (least most of my bad people were born evil it feels like. The others whom started good idk how they got all as they got taking advantage of our elderly father for cash they wanted & picking to strike at the worst times of literally waiting for my mother to die so not only do they have his health issues making him be overly kind, they go tugging at his case of no wife anymore saying she was overly kind and would help making him give in more cause unknown to me until later when I learnt about it dad had dementia so it was easy to make him believe anything really if you picked the right wording.)
Life has only made me one angry & untrusting person for it feels any turn is filled with lots of jerks you can not trust fully or you can sense are seeking to take advantage. (and having an elderly dad whom got all heated telling you to trust no one not even family members don't help you out in life with trusting other people either, that honest it's amazing I even share anything towards my few members of family I have told.)
I loved a lot of PBS shows with no care my age for some long as they were fun to watch; my top favorite were Arthur, Sagwa the Chinese Siamese cat, Cyber Chase & Wishbone.
Honestly idk how those kinds of art teachers even get to keeping their jobs for most of them lose loads of students. (My own class went from a max of 35 down to 7 in only a month cause of his ways, & I was pissed off a lot of times in class for all the other six were my seniors of class and age so having him be all "why can't you draw more like them?" I wanted to be all "WOULD YOU ASK A WHITE BELT MARTIAL ARTIST WHY HE ISN'T MORE LIKE A BLACK BELT DAILY FOR THAT'S BASICALLY WHAT YOU'RE DOING RIGHT NOW, THEY BEEN IN YOUR CLASS BEFORE & HAVE LEARNT MOST ALL OF THE LESSONS I'M JUST NOW LEARNING SIR?!!" instead I just got to depressing that teacher by drawing a lot of meaningful deep life past situations best of my abilities that mostly got Cs or Ds if they were freelance drawing times, as I was all here is my slef portrait of the mother I lost when I was only five, here's a group photo of all the family members whom keep borrowing money from my dad and never paying us back I literally steal food from the caferita dumpsters to take home for dinner some nights, here's my rendition of my inner soul chained up and dragged around to be lwhat my family wants me to be as I can't do what I want in life for all my ideas are ******** retarded to them all. And then my first better grade ever with him was my first ever freelance happy art of drawing Ash Ketchum from Pokemon & he literally waited for me to have a sad moment & all I could say to him was "Well I did start my love of pokemon escaping from the b***h of step mother whom never really loved my family and told my father she'd prefer they both lived without me anytime she felt I wasn't living to her standards, and all our meals were just cream of mushroom soup soaked rice some nights not even really that grandly cooked you still had the crunchy rice, but over all that I just like Pokemon it's the first anime I seen before Sailor moon even & all my decent family members will thankfully visit and gladly watch pokemon with me so it's mixed out of all things I drew." And it was a good enough drawing for my first ever A- with the jerk & I was proud of it for in all honesty all his critics of my art had me looking at my own art as s**t I called out my own flaw of I never drew anime before you can see it in the head shape and his shoulders are broad like an adult in the series over the ten year old he's suppose to be, but I'll take the A- still.)
Wont lie I was upset for I originally wanted to draw the TMNT but he went telling me not to draw them and made me bring him a lot of other ideas I had & he denied all the ones that were only happy times of memories. As I was denied the 1987 TMNT which I watched with my older brothers, denied drawing the Rampage monster Ralph which was also a good memory of times my older brothers were around more, denied drawing the thunder hero doll from fable (I wouldn't dare the hero hero we play cause we know how schools are.), & even denied drawing a different pokemon character that was after the whole step mom ordeal.
{in end life is rough always & we learn to just deal with it I believe, sad as it is to admit to.}
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Posted: Sun Apr 16, 2023 11:53 am
All the best people are weird, in my opinion. I've never been able to get on very well with "normal" sorts, all my friends have been weirdos in some way or other.
Ah, that sounds about right, then. Small towns can really suck when it comes to things like that. "Such and such family can do no wrong even when they've actually done something wrong because they practically rule the town, and any member of such and such other family should be watched and shunned because one person dared to go against the ruling families so clearly they're bad actors." (For real though, we had kids get away with rape and vehicular manslaughter with exactly zero repercussions just because they were part of one of the Big Families, small town justice is always up to the interpretation of the people with the deepest pockets and it's bs. (though I suppose justice always bends for the people with deeper pockets, even in larger cities, but it's more blatant in small towns))
I am laughing at the khajiit joke, though, I love it. cat_rofl
I try to be an optimist and think no one is born evil, that it's mostly a learned trait, but it's still baffling why someone teaches that to their children. Like, why do they want to send more bad into the world, I just don't get it? I dunno, there a lot of people in the world that I just... want to give them a good hard shake and shout "why" at them.
I get the being distrustful, though. It feels like practically everyone is only in anything for themselves and are more than willing to use every other person around them as a stepping stone for their own means. I'm incredibly wary of people because of how often I've seen that occur or experienced it.
WISHBONE!!! I LOVED Wishbone! A cute dog and books? Sign me the ******** up, I want in on that action! There was also a lot of Zoboomafoo in my uncle's house, ALL of the kids liked that lemur. I don't remember Sagwa, but it sounds like something I'd have watched, too. I also enjoyed Arthur. I knew when it came on for a long while because I watched it every day.
There were other kids shows I indulged in when we had satellite, too. The Upside Down Show, Ni Hao Kai Lan, Franklin, Little Bear. My uncle, for some reason, loved Peppa Pig. When the middle girl of the household was little (my uncle's oldest, technically, but he had a step-child that was older than her), Dora the Explorer was an absolute STAPLE. I... have spent a lot of time watching kids shows. cat_sweatdrop I also watch a lot of kids movies. When I still lived in the same city as them, I had an open offer to the parents of my godchildren to accompany the kids to any movie the kids wanted to go to but the adults didn't want to see.
They probably keep their jobs based solely on the fact that art teachers are hard to come by. Also because most schools have about zero actual interest in the arts and would gladly be rid of the classes entirely. Everyone is always about sportball instead of fine arts, bleh. I know I got lucky with my high school art teacher, she was AMAZING. We were allowed to draw whatever we wanted as long as it stayed within the school rules, we just had to have reference images for her to compare the work to. (Needless to say, I did a lot of weeby subjects. Japanese vista including a shinto shrine? Check. Portrait of the cross-dressing vocalist of one of my favorite visual kei bands in full gothic lolita regalia? Check. Watercolor of one of my favorite games to come from Japan, and a watercolor of cherry blossoms? Check and check.) She was super supportive, and had a lot of mixed-experience classes (I was mixed in with a bunch of people in Art I, but I was taking a higher level course), but never held the people in the intro class to the same standards as the upper classes. I honestly wish all art teachers could be like her, she was so dedicated to spreading the love of art, even to the kids who were only in the class because they needed a fine arts course to graduate.
All of that to say BOOOO! BOO TO THAT AWFUL TEACHER. Honestly, the TMNT characters would make a great study in musculature and skeletal structure, so it doesn't really make sense to bar someone from drawing them... Even doing portraiture of the turtles would make a good color and shadow study.
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Posted: Mon Apr 17, 2023 11:13 am
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Posted: Tue Apr 18, 2023 11:24 am
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Posted: Wed Apr 19, 2023 5:13 am
Aye any one of the turtles would have been good for art, but I guess the teacher either disliked them, me doing anything but what they wanted me to do, or seen too much TMNT that the teacher was just done. (Honestly idk what it could have been just the teacher said no and I was all "okay I'll do something else then. jerk..." I was so excited to draw either Raph or Donatello too, and more so for Donnie cause I wanted to try my hand at making a wooden like texture in a drawing. I didn't plan for any good grade I gave that up earlier in that class after all the cleaning up on the most cursed drawings to do in art as a left handed person whom loves to already have a hand covered in pencil lead; Charcoal drawings. x.x Sucked so bad for I took all my time to clean it up and make it look decent for a whole lunch break just to earn a solid D, which made me think "I got a D, D for this art teacher's a d**k." And from there with class I just gave up on trying to go get his good grades, so I slacked on cleaning it up and making it all pretty after that for why waste a whole hour lunch doing so that you miss the best food & the aspect of lunch, eating your lunch which was a day of rewarded by school delivery pizza day for academic achievements of my Orchestra class earning full superior scores across the board that year. So my personal pizza went cold and got taken home for later cause art & I went a day no lunch for school rules forbid eating in classroom unless it's medically needed. So I had my orchestra award back at home where I only got to have a slice for visiting family, father, & myself all had some and because I was the over achieving for goals type knowing my dad had poor health I was attempting my best to be number one in class and do school work before my dad got worse and I had to focus more caring for him, mixed with I got older had longer in that school and just gave up trying for more than half of my teachers for they hated my guts for being related to my family member(s) they had dealt with and disliked having.)
I want to say I use to be a much more optimistic child, but in reality the day in 2020 (for like 5 minutes only before my backstabbing ex-friend case happened) in which I kicked out my ex-tenant for reasons of he didn't pay rent ever, mooched, & others I don't want to go on about really; the case was I honestly didn't mentally understand the feeling of joy so I thought I was actually dying by having a strange asthma attack & I was asking everyone I knew what I was feeling and if I should have concerns. (which admitting that makes my life feel extremely sadder even now. But it is the truth of what happened that day, I just had booted a stressful ex-tenant felt some joy in my life for I now felt relief in life over stress & anxiety, and due to before all that it was my dad got hospitalized, I moved to a new location unfamiliar to me at the time as I was always on another street in this town *as this house was still new then*, I just lost my old childhood home for good cause we had to sell it to pay off this home's mortgage payments left, my dog died first of July 2019 & my father was in October 2019 right on around my year older nephew's birthday so that was unfun for all &mostly him for he was close to my father too. *needless to say 2019/2020 early as it was then & a lot of pass things were rough.*)
Happiest childhood moments of mine were watching TV shows, and being babysat by a quite uncaring neglectful some older than you niece leads tot he TV and other technology becoming your best friends more, specially since you knew leaving to see actual best friends would only get you killed specially after the grumpy teenager got in trouble too for not stopping you. (So before Gaia here in 2003 I had just PBS kids shows, then after that I found the internet mainly gaia here and learnt the surfing of the internet world around nine & ten years old, then teens came around for me and the household swapped my older niece for my year older nephew and life was that until sophomore year when his parents wanted both kids back in Wilder with them swapping between staying with the other. *Honest though I'm glad Travis got out of Emmett by then, for if he dealt with the same stuff I did I'd probably be worse than I am right now for myself i'll let take hits for long times, my own family whom is already hurting I get quickly more vicious if it goes too long. And we both know three years is honestly past too long, for with bullying like that of being called worthless just cause of relations in family while also being purposely ignored and flunked in class by the teacher & students being allowed to bully for teacher does not care; Honest my actions of just leaving should have happened much much earlier than senior year almost being over.*)
And to make matters worse rarely as an adult now those same jerks whom bullied in school that stuck around town here are still ******** jerks as adults to me, so I in turn like a jerk imo decide to drop the bomb of my reality by unloading all my past struggles onto them then if having a hat adjusting it and saying "But yeah, I'm just worthless." before I walk away leaving them to whatever mood they're now feeling alone after hearing all I unloaded onto them. But as I said rarely that includes for some I will just ignore them hard and walk on like I'm either not me, or didn't hear them for if I engage the other one I said is most likely to happen for they will be harsh towards me still being a bully like in school so I get all "Okay time to make you mature, by dropping reality of life cases that will make you go "oh s**t... I..." and then live life differently hopefully." (wont lie, I'd be scared of me I were in an Anime character for there is no telling with anime if I'd be the good guy protagonist whom just had a real rough life, the was bad turned good type of character, the lone wolf good guy whom suffers so much he wants to be more alone even though he is part of the team, or I'm the psycho minded villain that thinks humanity is awful and I found some magic BS way to change humanity that just so happens to begin with ending it all first & the pains gone too long for my character to change his ways and he's now just the villain whom thinks they're doing good when in reality they are just evil if not chaotic evil.)
Moving on though; Life is slowly better daily lately, sure I have a struggle at times always for it's life but now I'm not a kid wanting to die, or a teenager stuck between wanting to die or make others do so while also trying to figure all my BS of aging. xp
Just still wish my father was around even if he did have Alzheimer's, but if he was around it'd be course I'd be sad and suffer seeing him suffer at remembering everyone's names, or even what month/day/year it was.
I mainly just miss having him around in life for most of mine he was the easiest person to talk to when having struggles in life. ( Plus ngl, I still feel singled out with none left while others my age & some even older than me still have one if not both their parents they can go talk to anytime & get replies back in a way others wont call them crazy for getting. Cause if I go do so & say this occurred they either all call me insane, or get rude by being all "You couldn't get a reply from them they're dead." & I just want to be all "I know that, it's called the last shreds of optimism I got let me have it!" )
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