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Guess whoooo twisted

The stage is set. Fangirls squeal, and metal hinges glide easily on well oiled joints.

Ratchet charges forward, swinging his mallet about the place as easily as you can while constrained in Arm enhancing armor. Unfortunately, the armor way to small. This cuts of blood circulation, and, since he's been wearing it for about three months now, fate decides it's her turn to PMS and makes his arms fall off.

Rawk isn't doing much better, for all he can do is STIKE A POSE while his fangirls squeal.

Ratchet's arms may have fallen off, but the tight-arm-armor provides a very nice pressure bandage. Therefore, he doesn't die of bloodloss *Insert jubilation here*
Instead, he duckes his head down and charges at Rawk with his Pointy Hat Of Doom (tm).
And, it is indeed a pointy hat, as it obliterates Rawk's guitar. But now Ratchet has a guitar stuck to his Pointy Hat Of Doom (tm)

Rawk doesn't seem to notice the assault on his guitar, and proceeds to STRIKE A POSE again, pleasing the fangirls.

Ratchet, who at this point managed to get the guitar off his head, is pretty fed up with the lack of fighting by the other party. So, he kicks Rawk in the crotch and proceeds to rip his nose off with his teeth.

Rawk manages to SRTIKE A POSE one more time (although the 'normal' fangirls aren't impressed as much as the 'bloodplay fetish' fangirls) before dying of shock and too much STRIKE A POSE-ing.

Ratchet, pleased with himself at this point, does not realise the reprocussions of killing off someone with fangirls.
He is found two weeks later in a ditch with a telephone pole rammed -[THIS PART HAS BEEN REMOVED FOR THE SAFETY OF THE CHILDRENS! Think of the childrens...]

Result - Ratchet wins. For two weeks.
Fangirls win.

... even though I actually read it.

Turtle flies around screaming like a banshee,shattering cheese boys eardrums.Cheese boy,deafened,lies screaming in the pain.His muscles lock up on the gun trigger,firing it in wild shots.Somehow,one hits Turtle in the wing,and Turtle falls from the sky injuring herself on the ground.Cheese boy,only being able to see what happens,limps to turtle only to find that she bursts into phoenix flames severely burning half of Cheese boys face.Now,looking like Twoface,Cheese boy is lying on the ground disabled.The battle over,Turtle gets reborn from the ashes,to feast on her reward;Twoface Cheese Boy.

Reg would go charging at Tonberry, but then Tonberry just shoots Reg a couple of times with his bow. And if Reg were to dodge the arrows and get to Tonberry, Tonberry could just gallop away and hit Reg from where he stops.