the hospital

[Its Smiley]

Erik sighed, "I suppose I've no choice then." He put one leg over the other to make himself more comfortable as the boy slept against him. He had to admit, little Ben was an adorable child. Perhaps it wouldn't be all that bad. Erik glanced at Myka. "You should hold him." he said softly, careful not to wake the child. "He should know how it's like to be held by his own mother."  

[Mayah Playah]

"I held him for nine months," she said softly. "Just hold him and let me breathe."  

[Its Smiley]

"As you wish." he said quietly and leaned back in his seat, watching the boy sleep, wondering what he might be dreaming of. Perhaps of the father he'd never have. Erik silently wondered how Myka would hold up. She was a strong-willed woman, she wouldn't break down like he did. Hopefully.  

[Mayah Playah]

Myka sighed as she stared out the door. Her Damian, her beloved husband, was gone. She didn't move, and she didn't breathe, because it felt like every breath drove him further and  further away. She couldn't focus or even cry anymore, she was too shocked and in too much pain. It wasn't just a hole where her heart was, it was half of who she was. It felt like literally half of her had been ripped away. It stung, it itched, it burned, it was so physical, yet not. And she couldn't help but wish her heart would stop beating because he would never whisper her name as he held her or tell her he loved her as they lay together in bed, simply loving each other, and because she no longer had his arms around her, keeping her safe and feeling loved, Myka's heart had disappeared with Damian, and it would never belong to anyone else again. She could already feel her mind breaking down, but she didn't care. Without him, life had no color, no real joy, no real happiness. Without him, life was an endless scenery of grey, white, and black. Without him, she was simply a shell of the woman she used to be, and the woman she couldn't be any longer. Without him, Myka Foster was...empty.  

[Its Smiley]

As he studied her eyes, her stance, her expression, Erik began to sympathize with her. He knew that look all too well, he'd seen it each time he looked into the mirror.
"Myka," he started softly and sternly, hoping to catch her attention. "It hurts horribly, I know. You've just been hit with a train, Myka, and you can either just lay waiting for the next train or get up and walk away."  

[Mayah Playah]

She closed her eyes, refusing to look at him. "I don't know who I am without him. I don't want to live if I can't have my husband by my side. Why did they have to take him?" Clenching her fists, Myka's face twisted into one of pure rage. "WHY?!?"  

[Its Smiley]

Erik stayed calm whereas the baby woke up with a startle and started crying. The young man sighed softly and pat the boy's back to calm him down as he thought over his words. "I don't know why, but what I do know is that they won't keep him." He looked straight into the woman's eyes. "Damian fought his way out of Heaven before, he can do it again. Until then he must watch from Heaven, and I'm sure this is not what he wants to see."  

[Mayah Playah]

"I want my husband back, Erik," she replied coldly. "I don't care if getting him back means watching me suffer."  

[Its Smiley]

"But he and your children do." he snapped back with just as much ice in his tone. There was a silence that lasted only a few minutes, despite the baby's crying. "I know death feels like the only answer," Erik said slowly. "But it'll only make things worse. And even if it didn't, this school wouldn't allow you to even drop an ounce of blood."  

[Mayah Playah]

"I don't care! Don't you remember when you lost Winry and Belinda?" Slamming her fist onto the bed, she stared at the indentation and huffed. "It feels like...like I'm nothing. Like I have nothing. Like I'm alone with two small children, a man who thinks me a fool, and a drunk wife-to-be who is my friend..."  

[Its Smiley]

Erik immediately lost it at the very name of his late wife and daughter, but he restrained himself for the crying baby's sake. "Calm down." he said sternly while cradling the child. "Nothing. You think you are nothing? Because you lost your other half? You have not fully lost him, you fool. Do you not see him in your very son? In the smile of your daughter? In the ray of sunshine smiling down on you? You still think you've nothing left? I think of you as a fool because you are treating yourself as one right now. Now prove me wrong."  

[Mayah Playah]

She shook her head, tears falling steadily. "I can't...I see Kira when I look at Arwen, and Damian when I see Ben. My two loves, echoed in my two children. Tell me, would you still be same if this was you? Because I won't be for long." Sitting up, she ignored the pains from her recent delivery and closed her eyes. "No...from now on, I am simply a mother. No longer a wife, and no longer a lover. Only a mother." Taking her baby from his arms, she quickly quieted the child, smiling softly at his sweet, joy-filled face. "If I can't have my husband...then I will have my children and my work."  

[Its Smiley]

"That alone is better than nothing." Erik said and rested his hands in his pockets. He'd be sure to keep a close eye on her, a suicide watch, if you will. It made him wonder if he still had his antidepressants with him.

((gtg, byeee!!!))  

[Mayah Playah]

Choosing to not reply, Myka held her child close, laying back down to cradle him. "Don't leave, ok Erik?"  

[Its Smiley]

"You have my word." he answered quietly and watched her contently, pondering to himself if that was how he looked after Winry and Belinda.